Monday, December 29, 2008

Coffee? Always.

Today I write you from a cliché type of environment.

Yes, I am the girl in the corner, being emotastic - listening to music, drinking my Starbucks, reflecting on the day.

Firstly, allow me to vent about my night. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was held captive to my thoughts in such a way that I could not fall asleep. I struggle with insomnia most of the time but this was different. This was beyond border-line annoying. I wish I could succumb to the idea of taking medications to help drift me off to sleep.. but alas, that is just not my style.

Around 3am I pulled out the yoga mat and did some relaxation salutations hoping I could, at best, achieve a yoga nap. (if you’ve never had one, you are missing out)

Well, no nap.

I do have a lot of things on my mind so I guess for now, I'll chalk being alert up to that. Don't get me wrong, it’s all good things, thoughts and notions. No bad situations or worry currently reside in my brain or heart. For once, I actually have this feeling like everything is finally starting to come together for me. I am attracted to feeling this way and I am super excited about it.

In hour two of Family Matters, I started thinking about my upcoming trip to Florida. Gosh, I love to travel. I wish I could travel more. I really do. If I could just spend a year or so… traveling… oh wow… what that would do for my spirit would be nothing short of amazing. I’ve only been out of the country a few times but I’m itching to fill up my backpack and hit the road. Thus, I’ve been thinking about traveling a lot lately and with that, I would really like to go on a mission trip this year. I feel like my passions being brought together is something that should happen more often than not.

I want to go on a mission trip.(hopefully this year)
I want to travel. (always.. it's in my blood to explore)
I want to spread the word of God. (whenever opportunity presents itself)

The best mission trip I went on was in Renoysa, Mexico. I was there for about 2 weeks and it broke me in the most beautiful of ways. It was emotionally and psychically demanding - but - wow. I can't even put into words the give and take of what I got out of the trip and what I was able to do while I was there.

I hope God will reveal an opportunity like that again soon.
If there is a will - there is a way.

Alright, I’ve been at Starbucks for a while now.. I think I’ll hit the road and put a temporary clamp on my love for writing. Did I mention this mocho lite frap is making my day? Or that my bangs being back makes me happy? Or that when the sunshine touches my skin I want to do a lil dance?

Laugh at me. My meter ran out a few minutes ago so I moved from being emo to being artistic. Now I’m sitting in a corner but in the front near the window so I can watch my jeep. If I see a meter reader, consider me going for an impromptu jog out the door.

And if anyone actually reads my blog posts,
I hope you are having equally rad if not more rad day than I.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

On your mark, get set...


I've been busy lately with mixing songs and coming up with fun choreography. And through this process, I've realized how much I really miss dance and cheerleading. I would love to get back into something like that again. In 2009, I hope to join a gym (I've been without one for a short while due to money) and I will be doing the hiphop workout/dance combo classes for sure. Maybe that will feed my need for now. It's hard when you do something you love for... 17 years.... and then it just stops.

*Tip: Audacity is my audio-mixer of choice*

ps. I'm going to Florida in 2 days and I couldn't be more excited!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

It takes me back

I can officially give a shout-out to Christmas Day. Praise! :-D

So, I did the usual candle light Christmas Eve service at church and henceforth, I'm about to share some thoughts.

a) When we walked into the sanctuary.. music was playing through the speakers. Uhm, that has never happened. And to top it off, it was the stellar Hillsong with Mighty to Save! It was strange for me because this is a very traditional church body and for a long time, they were anti-anything but tradition. Back in the day, I had several people frown at me when I would introduce new forms of worship. Either way, it's totally cool. If it works, it works. It was just cool to know that these people are finally understanding if not appreciating different forms of praise.

b) Some little girls I used to teach.. are now graduating high school. They sang tonight. I am a creature of observation and in that - while one girl was doing her solo.. I focused on her father's face as he listened to her sing. (Mary Did You Know) He listened with his eyes closed and a passion for the words she sang. Yes, I almost lost it. I seriously caught myself moved to the point of tears. A beautiful moment. This man later came up to me and said a big hello and Merry Christmas. (and I don't really know how he even knew my name to be honest. He never came to church when I went)
-When I left my hometown to move to cola, I prayed that I would leave a pebble of motivation/energy behind... and at this moment, I felt that perhaps I did leave a bit of something to the youth. Maybe it was just in giving them courage to seek a voice within the family. I know getting to sing probably wasn't easy, but they did it. And in turn, they will help motivate the next group coming through.

c)After the service, I ventured upstairs to my old stomping grounds. I went to my old Sunday School room and upon entering the door.. a smell hit me like a ton of bricks. It's the smell of old people, books, stale star crunches, dr. thunder spillage, dry eraser markers... and.. oddly enough... I adore this smell. I know it sounds spectacular as all get out but.. it takes me back. I walked into the room and just stood there...alone.. reflecting on who I was then and who I am now. I like having deep conversations with others but every now and again, I like to have a good one with myself too.

And a side-note that is unrelated to moments of reflections...
I now own a sweet new camera!! I had no idea... this was a huge huge huge bit of awesomeness that added to my day. My previous camera struggles. haha. And being as though I love taking pics... t'was a magical gift. And it's pink ;-)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I'm not a shark, I'm a jet.

(pre-reading note: I realize that when I give shout-outs I type directly to the person, so in case my thoughts are ever read by anyone I shout-out to.. they will have my direct words. Done)

Saying my week started off badly would be an understatement.
Saying my week ended off better than I could have imagined would also be an understatement.

Say Whaaat?

So, if you know me at all - or you read my twitter/fb/or blog.. you know that the car accident wrecked my brain and wallet almost more than the jeep itself.

Well, here is my update post that messy, foggy, Tuesday night...

I took a much needed road trip with some of my friends aka family and we ventured to see Taking Back Sunday in North Carolina. Holla! I had a great time getting to know each of the people on the trip better and the concert itself was fun/off-the-chain. Mellie and Callie, my LG, my sisters, my straight legit bond. I always enjoy spending time with you both. Mellie, you're a great bestie and I love you muchly. You have a huge part of my heart. Callie, you are like a sister and I enjoy the times we have to hang out as our friendship contines to grow. Mikey and Jwhite, I group y'all together because when I think of the trip.. I think of you both being hilarious.. together. The combined antics would make anyone laugh aloud and forget their troubles. Thanks for that! And Bailey, truth be told, I think you're pretty rad. I had a blast hanging out with you. ps thanks again for being awesome in making sure I didn't get lost in the mix during the concert!!!

I'm glad everything worked out. God Rules. Word.

Ok, in keeping with the good vibe.. the next morning I woke up to a phone call that I had been eagerly awaiting for. Yes, it finally happened! After 3 long months of doing odd modeling jobs and going on countless interviews to try to find a place to work.. I finally got the job offer I had been praying for! YES. Words can't fully describe how pure the salt was that ran down my cheeks as I gladly accepted the position.

Thank you everyone that has stood by me, supported me and prayed for me.
You each mean so much to me and I hope that in some way/shape/form.. I repay you 10 fold. I would do anything for any of you, please know that you can come to me for anything. My phone is on 24/7 and if I don't answer, I will call you back.

I wish I could expose more feeling into this blog because I have a lot in my heart but... I'll save that for those one-on-one opportunities.. bc that's what it's about afterall.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Isn't it Ironic.. don't ya think?

So, tonight I met my Life Group out for dinner. T'was rad as per usual and I left feeling good and excited for the rd trip some of us are going on tmwr. (to see one of my all time fav bands) And I thought to myself, "hey self, lets go ahead and fill up the gas tank so you have one less thing to do tomorrow"

So I'm driving down the rd, looking for the cheapest gas I can find. After realizing I had gone pretty far out and seen all of my options, I pulled into a turn lane to... well.. turn around.

I look to my right.. cars are off in the distance. (one direction road)
I turn left.
I drive.
I hear screeching tires on the ground.
I tense up.
I feel a quick, jerking to my car and I quickly try to get off of the road as to not get in the way of anyone else driving.

Yep, I was hit.

Now, here comes the ironic part.
I have been very hesitant on driving on this rd trip tomorrow because we have 6 people and I have 5 seats in my car (as most cars) and I was thinking... strangely a lot.. about how unsafe that is. About how I was broke and couldn't afford a ticket (for not having enough seat belts) as well as.. safety.. what IF something happened.

And oh my, it happened.
Only just to me.
Which I prefer. I don't want to endanger my friends/family.

I've never been in an accident before (with me driving)
much less have someone claim it was my fault and thusly.. I got charged with a REDICK fine that I can't pay and 4pts on my license.

The guy in the van that hit me... well.. his car is crazy wrecked. His passenger door was about hanging off, mirror cracked.. the list goes on and on.

I feel in my gut that God is telling me:
a) never compromise what you feel is wrong for you
b) listen to that voice telling you it's not a good idea, it's me talking here
c) it was a sign that maybe if I did drive tmwr, something worse could've happened... esp due to my extreme caution. (you know when you are over careful.. something typically happens. Just sucks bc I am an awesome driver, ugh)

It's funny how not all messages apply to all people.
For ex. I've ridden.. and driven.. countless times.. with people "improperly placed" and it's never sunk in with me as a bad idea. Just this week. How odd. It's like I knew something was going to happen.. just not what or when.

Now, now I have a horrible pain in my neck, shoulders, right arm, right leg and lower back to prove to me.. just how important seat belts are and how for me, I can't go with something I feel in my inner gut is not cool.

It's 4am and the pain is a bit much.
Job interview early.

oh OH the best part.
After the police cleared us to drive into a parking lot (it was dark as mess outside.. and yes it took the police 45 minutes to get there) guess where we were....

A Funeral Home.

Dear God,

I got your message.

A ticket is minor compared to a worse alternative,



Friday, December 5, 2008


Reflections of a Broken Heart.

I found out some news recently that has left me feeling helpless, broken and confused. My Mom received a bad flu shot recently which has left her with neuropathy problems. The shot went too deeply into her skin and it has left her with a constant full body tingling sensation. Seriously, it never stops. And at moments, it gets painful for her. She never complains about it but you can see the look on her face and it breaks my heart. What kills me more is that she had to get the flu shot because she is a teacher, all the teachers got shots that day. Yet, she is the only one left with issues she will now have for the rest of her life. She was told that there is no cure for this problem. I want to prove them wrong.

If I could take her place, I would. I would jump into her body and I would give her mine to keep. She is the most amazing person I've ever met in my life and I am fortunate to call her my Mother. I would do anything for her, without second thought or hesitation. She is my best friend, mentor, and mother. I am lucky in this, I am beyond blessed.

Why is she so awesome?
At the gas station as I was leaving to come back to cola, I felt sad and couldn't help but cry. I tried to be strong but I couldn't figure out why this amazing woman of God would have this happen to her. She touches so many lives daily.. I wish you knew... and for her to now be in pain/discomfort... it kills me.

She saw my tears, made a joke to make me smile.. but then looked at me and said.
"Do no worry for God had a reason. I'll be ok. Trust and have faith."

If you need a positive role model in your life. I'll give you her number.

I just wish I could do something. Feeling helpless and emotionally weak isn't helping matters. I had a long talk with God and I'm working through this with prayer. Maybe they can find a cure or some sort of medicine to help ease this.

I love her.
Any prayers for her would be muchly appreciated.

Meanwhile, I need a new job ASAP. If you know of any place hiring, keep me posted plzzzzz!

Friday, November 28, 2008

this used to be my playground


That is the best word I can use to describe the feelings that go along with the concept of going home. Sometimes... I'll I want to do is drive home and take a break from the city scene. To just be in the hometown, soaking up the familiar faces and places that are close to my heart. The memories flood my thoughts - both good and bad of course - and yet, sometimes - going home is just that little bit of a refreshing break that we all need. Am I right? A great time to remember where we came from and reflect on where we are now. The big picture.

Being around my Mom recharges my battery's. She is a strong force that I am still learning from daily. Her faith is amazing and I am so blessed to have such a great Mother/parent/Christian/friend in my life.

So while I've made it clear my love of going home.. I never stay long enough to take that good feeling for granted. I stay for the right amount of time and then I leave with a smile as I travel back to my friends and family that I've made here. I'm ok with this. I think I'm lucky to have a great place to escape to while also having a rad place I can't wait to get back to. That sentence sounds better in my mind than in text but.. I think you know what I mean.

And just bc it's the title to my post...

This actually happened.

In case you missed this magic.. here ya go.

Yeah, what!?

Monday, November 24, 2008

Enter @ Your Own Risk

I had a few minutes to kill before dinner so this happened.
Yeah, I'm about to get thug gangsta on ya.

In Due Time

"I'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid. Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics... live your life (oh!) ay ay ay.... "

So those lyrics from Live Your Life have nothing to do with anything.. other than the fact that this T.I. rap snack is currently stuck in my head.

Speaking of life.. wow. We should all really make a giant.. I mean GIANT point to at some point each day.. reflect on how awesome our blessings are. For serious. Dwell not on the obstacles or shackles that pull you down.. but learn to appreciate things. Even the simple.. often overlooked bits of goodness. Those things are special and so unique - take heart in the beauty that surrounds you and where you are in your life. Tru

Ex. When it is freeeeezing outside... be thankful that you have a home to go to. Seriously, if only everyone could be that lucky. It is my prayer and my hope for mankind to stop taking advantage of what we have.. you know.. the things that "own" us. The trivial things that we hardly ever thank God for unless otherwise provoked.

In other news.. I have this good feeling about life right now. I can't explain what that means.. I just feel that awesome things are around the corner. It's as if I have the "kid in a candy store" type of energy and I can't wait to see what comes next.

In case you missed it and you are dorky enough like me to sit through it.. here goes!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dinner Table

I would totally be ok with this if it happened at dinner.

Friday, November 14, 2008

What do you think?

As an educated music video watcher.. I can not find one fragment of justification as to why anyone would think this *video below* was a good idea.

Who sat in a room thinking, "what about making fun of an old music video by doing a re-make in a worse fashion?"

C'mon. If you are going to be making fun of something... you can't take yourselves seriously. And this.. I'm afriad.. is serious.

I'm sure you've seen it but if you haven't... yiiiiike.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Depeche Mode = Saturday in style

No words are needed, this magic speaks for itself.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Where's the beef?

After a two minute bypass downstairs to say hello, I returned upstairs to my dinner. A 99cent jr. cheeseburger from Wendys. Well, much to my dismay.. I couldn't seem to find my dinner. I know what you are thinking and no, I'm not stupid enough to have eaten and then forgotten about it.

I looked everywhere for my dinner. It was straight-up-gone. I had a friend help me try to find it. Well, in the quietness of thought - I heard a crunching sound from behind the couch.

At that point, I knew the dumb dog must've taken my food. How she reached to get to my dinner I still have yet to figure out... but let the record show.. a hungry dog will do whatever it takes to eat. So my friend found the soggy cheeseburger wrapper under the couch (that mug hid the evidence!) and I then turned to the dog and... yes.. I briefly turned into the Hulk.

Her breath smelt of grease and pickles.. guilty.
I yelled at her and gave her a tap out of love for her slack behavior. She lowered her head in true guilt driven fashion and I locked her up in the crate for a while. I yelled at her but I did have some sympathy for her because... she doesn't understand.. she still needs training. You know. I was more or less mad bc I was now out of dinner.

That said.

I made her mommie bring me back a replacement meal =)

"Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety and I wouldn't be caught dead in this place"

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I saw the Sign

Do you ever feel like gas prices mock you?

It very well may be just me but it seems like every time I suck it up to go get gas... the very next day... the price in gas drops a few cents. Seriously? Where is the magical lowering gas fairy while I'm awaiting to fuel my tank?
What is up with that America? The economy is so tricky tricky right now that no matter how much I try, I can't seem to figure out how to win. aka "beat the system"

I broke down and filled up my thirsty jeep yesterday and guess what... the price was awesome and attractive to me at $2.19! *hooray* I mean, who wouldn't jump in on that action? Anyway, feeling like the super hero that I am... I drove off, blasting some off beat Indie music and singing at the top of my lungs until... I saw the sign.

Like a siren drawing me onto its bold numbered shore, I couldn't look away.

Alright EcoFriendlyPump..... You Freaking Won this round.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

petty or insecure, same thing.

Regardless of intent: Petty is the word in question.

Im glad that I don't live in such an existence that I strive in being this way. It really must be difficult to go out of your way to act out episodes of immature behavior. I don't know, maybe that sounds mean of me but I have better things to donate my time to than letting other people make up my mind for me. If you don't stand for something... you'll fall for everything. Ex. petty behavior 101. Sad.

pet⋅ty   –adjective, -ti⋅er, -ti⋅est.
1. of little or no importance or consequence: petty grievances.
2. of lesser or secondary importance, merit, etc.; minor: petty considerations.
3. having or showing narrow ideas, interests, etc.: petty minds.
4. mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things: a petty person.
5. showing or caused by meanness of spirit: a petty revenge.
6. of secondary rank, esp. in relation to others of the same class or kind: petty states; a petty tyrant.

Monday, November 3, 2008

the truth defines us


"I think there are flaws in beauty and beauty in flaws"


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Pretty Much

Today we "fall back" an hour.
This concept always reminds me of a grrreat episode of Pete and Pete. You know.. the one where they have one hour to redue any mistakes made.. etc. It's great. If you don't know what I'm talking about.. look it up or just hang your head in shame.

That said, this video has nothing to do with any of that.
*this isnt meant to offend anyone and if it does, you take yourself way too seriously*

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Rewinding isn't an Option

though sometimes, don't we all wish we could.

I was thinking.
What if I stopped time and flashed back to this exact moment in 2007.

Sometimes I'm hit with the bitterness of regret for how certain things went down last year. Yeah, to think that I am sometimes haunted by ghosts of last year is alarming. I can only hope that one day, I will be happy with the cliche of, "everything happens for a reason" - really?
Prove it.

To say I wish I could redue December of 07, doesn't mean I wish I could erase 2008. Most things that happened this year were awesome and held so much potential that I was falling hard into the thick of it. I do wish outcomes would've been different or that they at least might have the potential to change for a better December... but better is in the eye of the beholder.

I was pretty torn about how the year would end and right now, I'm back in the proper mindset of, I don't even care. Whatever will be, will be.

You know where to reach me, but will I be willing to reach back?


Friday, October 24, 2008


When is enough, finally enough?
All the hang-ups and
the heartbreaks get you past
All failures and
bad breaks
just accept yourself
Find something that brings you closer to complete

Right? So anyway, in a time of vast reflection, this came on the radio.
I miss when the Newsboys were cool.

Carryin' a millstone malaise
It's been pulling down your gaze
You pound the pavement
It don't give or care
This weight ain't yours to bear

Why you holdin' grudges in old jars?
Why you wanna show off all your scars?
What's it gonna take to lay a few burdens down?
It's a beautiful sound

When they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
And now you're free to fly

When that muffled sigh
Says you're barely getting by
Cut your burdens loose and just simplify

This is not your floor
You're going higher than before
Drop the weight now
Wait for the lookout guide
Look outside

You're gonna lay that burden down
It's time to leave your burdens in a pyre
Set a bonfire

'Cause when you lay your burdens down
When you lay your burdens down
What a free-fall
What a thrill
Bury them all
In a landfill

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

9/2/08 brands me.

I'm trying.

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain.
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means.

just for song value. -.-

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

it takes one to know one

It takes two to tango.

Life is not a one-way street.
There needs to be a bit of give and take to create a healthy balance.

Don't let people take control when it comes to taking charge of your own life. Others may be emotionally charged and quite stubborn.
Don't waste your breathe with useless drivel.

When you speak, say something meaningful.

Saturday, September 27, 2008


-West Side Story finale tonight = sad
-Party til Sunday with cast = eeeeeeee!


Im going through my emails and I usually delete my horoscope but today I felt like reading. Yes, my old boss from etv set me up with this once - anyway..

Your horoscope for September 27, 2008

Today is an excellent day for you, Kristie, and you will find that you are a welcomed addition to any crowd. Your delightful nature is at its most active. You have the unique capability of being aggressive about getting what you want without disturbing the flow of the energy around you. People will respect and honor your sensitive and nurturing qualities. This is what will win the game for you.

Yep, I'm pretty awesome.

Friday, September 26, 2008

hold me

"When a single heartbeat occurs earlier than normal, it is called a premature contraction, and this can cause the sensation of a forceful heartbeat"

For the record - whoever said "my heart skips a beat" and made it sound romatic obviously never actually experienced it.

I'm not sure what tests are in my near future but it's def an awkward sensation to say the least. The skipping of the beat makes you dizzy but only for a slight moment in time. It's when it happens several moments within a minute that you fully understand the skipping comparion.

"Slow arrhythmias (bradycardias) can occur because of slowing of the electrical signals initiated by the SA node, a condition called sinus bradycardia. Bradycardias can also result from varying degrees of "heart block," wherein certain medications or diseases in the electrical conduction system of the heart impede the transmission of signals from the atria to the ventricles (see the "Bradycardias" section below).

Premature contractions are isolated heartbeats that occur earlier than expected. The premature contraction is followed by a pause, as the heart electrical system "resets" itself. The contraction following the pause is usually more forceful than normal contractions. The patients frequently perceive these more forceful contractions as palpitations."

On that note. I'm taking meds then going to bed.

Where did this come from and why does the right side of my body hurt when I breathe in deep. I guess I'll find out soon. Wish me luck.

*all quoted information came from:

Monday, September 22, 2008

captain obvious, table of 1

I should win an award.
I deleted the post I wrote last week. You know the one.
The one where I exposed myself on accident due to insomnia and lack of reality. Don't get excited, I didn't post nude pictures of myself - I mean emotastically exposed. The kind of image where eyeliner runs down the cheek.. crashes to the floor.. next to the tight jeans and ipod. Don't worry, the chucks are safe.

'I miss you, do you miss me too' 'can we just be friends and see what happens' 'does this keep you up nights, wondering' 'how many times a day do i cross your thoughts' 'do you wonder if you cross my thoughts' 'have you felt alone, restless' 'how many drinks have been dedicated to the loss' 'how many excuses have you made to cope' 'remember when...' 'do you want another chance at the possibility of us, ever' 'am i simply better than all of these questions combined'

Yes, gag me with a romantic spoon full of vodka.

There is no need to express matters that actual matter.
Now, I said what I meant and I meant what I said but to those who need to know how I feel - they do. The people who actually care about me - they get more of me than you ever will. I'll shed light on certain things but prob not as emo as the blog in question.

those who mind don't matter.. those who matter, don't mind.
'classic cliche #45'

and lucky for you - you don't have the right to know anything I'm not ok with sharing. Sorry.
I'm better than being specific anyway, my talents in writing are in being general to the point of annoyance. Welcome.


West Side Story stole my heart and has kept it productively busy.. though alcohol has been involved a time or two! a-yo! Fear not, my money has not been wasted on rash, immature, i want to "feel something" right now so I'm going to drink my money and pee it out later type ordeals. Tempting. Fine.. but that only happens on the nights when I get free shots from a bar during intermission.. but you get my point. Pretty points.

If you are one of my friends that live in the area and you haven't been cultural yet - go see it. You only have 4 chances left. After the show, we don't come out and rush the crowd. We go change then go out. I tend to escape out the back door with my friends. So if you have come and I haven't seen you.. sorry but glad you came, hope you liked it.

Food for thought:
Is it a sad day when a bar puts condoms out to replace the popular courtesy mint?
Is it smart that people realize safe sex practices are more important than mints?
Should bars be tempting lonely individuals into having sex by broadcasting condoms?
Isn't sex supposed to be sacred? Sigh. With someone you want to be with for more than 5/10 minutes? Someone you love.
Or, is this bar ahead of the curve and it realizes people will do it anyway.. might as well prevent diseases. I'd say childbirth.. but this is at a gay bar.
That goes back to sex being sacred, doesn't it?
ZING! To each his own, each his own.

Yep, the best part of being yourself - you have the right to believe, live and function the way you want to. Someone will always hate you. Some group will always try to sway you. As long as you are ok with yourself, be just that. Just believe in something - whatever that may be - or you will fall for everything.. and nobody likes a sucker. Well, babies do. I guess. Think for yourself, seriously.

New irritating thing:
people who randomly TYPE in ALL caps to PROVE a point.
Are you screaming at me or do you think i JUST CAN'T READ normal sized text.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lost and Found

I found my old TBS CD.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


That's all I have to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me - I have some some important matters to attend to.

It's bittersweet... having to do what I'm about to do.

Monday, September 15, 2008


They don't tell you
what you know
you should want.

Video of the AM:
Forgive the shameless plugs by the website.
I'm totally ok with artistic sidewalk dance.
I'm back into photography and that alone is inspiring of creative shots. I enjoy unique twists open to interpretation.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The More You Know...

the smarter you become.

And the topic for tonight is: Collections.

Friday, September 12, 2008

my friends > your friends

I had intentions of writing a brief post last night but alas, when I arrived back home.. sleep was my best option. Just trust me on that one. Anyway, a group of friends came to see me dance in the play!! Awesome. It's nice to have support and not to mention.. friendly faces for some post-show antics.

I was lucky enough to get some rad flowers that are now sending crazy happy vibes in my room. My emo self needs some light sometimes as I do tend to get apathetic and stubborn in realism. So yay to bright, happy flowers that smell awesome. I heart flowers. I even like dead flowers.. does that make me weird? I don't care, I enjoy the beauty in dried pedals. To each his own.

In other news of randomness:
-I think black & mild apple smells good.
-I exchanged make-up tips with drag queens. (a few of my friends dance on a bar at a place called 1109/PT's Cabaret. And they look aaaamazing in their attire)
-I believe coughing combined with crunches gives you a tight stomach
-I'm considering becoming a serving wench.
-I'm trying on Halloween costumes already.

Oh Halloween.. you skanktastic holiday you. Yah you, you slay me.

I freaking love costumes and dress-up.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Stay Cool Boy.....

Real Cool..

Opening weekend of West Side Story has been a success. We've had 3 shows so far and all 3 have been sold out. I've never done a Broadway run before but it'll be interesting to see how long we can hold out a healthy, responsive audience. It's been great dancing again. I've missed dance and being on stage has sparked that again in me. I'm glad I'm doing this. When I'm not on stage, I'm backstage having dance offs with other dancers. I'm learning stuff and getting into awesome shape - that's never a bad thing.

The More You Know:
West Side Story is a musical adaptation of the classic Romeo and Juliet.
It was first brought to us in 1961, directed by Robert Wise (The Curse of the Cat People, The Haunting, The Sound of Music.. etc) and choreographer Jerome Robbins (Fiddler on the Roof, The Pajama Game, Gypsy, Peter Pan.. etc)

Romeo and Juliet
-montagues vs capulets
-suicide, murder.... death
-both lovers forever separated from both love and hate

Tony and Maria
-tragic lovers
-jets vs sharks
-accidental death, murder... death
-one lover dies, the other must carry on - broken hearted and alone

And yet, I adore both stories. There is something romantic about two people breaking the odds to be together. To overcome obstacles set in their path... and to be able to hold each other, experience love - knowing that the outcome could be tragic. It's bittersweet enough to promote deep messages about love, hate and tolerance. It shows how sad life can be when you act as a mere puppet while your society controls your thoughts and beliefs. We all fall victim to this as our culture is what has come to define us but you get the picture. The opposing groups are so caught up in their sides that they both loose sight of why they are that way in the first place. They simply hate because they are "supposed to hate".

The ring leader - usually the most insecure of the group, has a self indulging vengeance that is being carried out through the puppets of the gang. For both tragic stories, it ends in a manic twist of fates. Yet the good that comes from their lives.. teaches lessons to those left behind to own up to the consequences of their actions.

"How do you fire this gun Chino? By pulling this little trigger!? How many bullets are left Chino? Enough for YOU? Or YOU? All of you!! You ALL killed him! And my brother! And Riff! Not with bullets and knives! With HATE! Well, I can kill now too, because now I have hate!!! How many can I kill Chino? How many -- and still have one bullet left for me? Don't touch him!!" - Maria

Friday, September 5, 2008

Am I wrong?

Am I wrong in this?
The unanswered question remains.
The feeling in the pit of my stomach is unsettling.
I try, believe me. But I just can't get a grip on this water.
Nothing sticks within me that makes sense for a finale when I know in my gut that there is more.

I'm not fully convinced
that there's something wrong with this.
Could another point of view, biased and untrue,
tear me away from you?

I wish I could say tonight
when you bend and wave goodbye..

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

This is as real as I can be.

I have a scar on my face.
It is giving me character and a story.
Ironic it would happen now considering the last few days I have experienced.

If it doesn't heal properly.. I will feel like Harry Potter. Maybe that will provide me with some mystical luck. Yes, I can quest with knowledge that I am the best at what I do and I've got paper cuts to prove it. Or so it reads.

Case in point.
I can't pour out more than has been evaporated today.

I'm searching for a location to help casting and somebody got jealous.
It's a ham of a cat.
No sunglasses. The sun is dull today.

I am drawn into the confusing, the sad, the tragic.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Eye of the fish.

Over the last 2 weeks.. one fact is clear.
M. Phelps has become a man crush for boys across the globe and a hero to dedicated girls everywhere.

He currently holds the title of: The Best Olympian of All Time.
Congrats to you sir. Your fish-like abilities were not stressed in vain.
Your 40 hours + of swimming paid off in the ultimate way. 8 Gold Medals.
It's inspiring to see hard work pay off. Good job you.

And for another opinion:

Friday, August 15, 2008


For today's musical flashback...
I'd like to tickle your ear and eyes with some cheesy but classical music videos. If only music of today could be as inventive and hauntingly catchy.

Two songs were triggered into my brain today. Thus, the first thing I did when I got off of work was to look them up and sing along accordingly. Don't lie. You would've done the same thing.

Let George and Paul sooth your overworked soul.

And. Here. We. Go -

And last but not least -

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Don't get mad at me but...

Typically when someone starts a phrase this way... you will.. in fact.. end up getting mad. Even if the angst comes from a comical place in your heart - your first reaction will usually be.. "WHAT?!" or something of that nature.

At night, I sit on the computer and I look/apply for jobs. I haven't had any luck these last few weeks though other than countless spam that consumes my e-mail. Nevertheless, I am still on the search for something else. My job isn't terrible, I'm doing good things for children.. but.. at the same time.. I'm getting burnt out really fast at the expense of slowly being taken advantage of as an employee. I'm standing up for myself sure.. but that isn't going to change the system. I must just defend my status until I can comfortably leave.

Tonight I found out that my co-worker, the only other full-time girl - my friend - turned in her resignation letter. *insert the "WHAT?!" here. She has not been able to find a new job yet but she just can't handle the environment at hand any longer. She is married and is going to bank on his earnings for a while as she hopes to find something new.

I'm proud of her. This is something that she has been thinking about before I even started working there. While I'm proud, I also just hope she does find something soon. I think she can work for her Dad or something as a last resort - still - any resort is better than none.

That leaves me. As if stress wasn't already piling on top of my plate at work - if I'm the only full-time person there - I can't imagine the load that is about to be dropped upon me. Thus, I might have to swallow hard and exhale until I lock onto a new job. I fear my days without her being there to withhold sanity. Even so, the search continues. I'll hear back from something soon - and if not - I just have to try harder. Right?

Curse the liberal arts.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Unwrapped 411.

I am a turtle.
I am standing on my shell.

We are all faced with conflicting situations where we are left with two choices.
We can either hide away in our nothing.. sit back.. act lazy..
or we can bust out of our shells and leave our comfortable existence behind.. in hopes of gaining something more rewarding.

I am naked.
I am exposed.

It's not comfortable standing outside of your zone. You spend your entire life creating this "believed existence" henceforth, feeling naked or exposed is completely natural. In order to grow as individuals, we must venture out into the cruel dark world.. leaving our beds, our habits, and our shackles in the distance.

I am ready.

Back in high school.. I traveled to a run down area of Mexico to help build houses for people. Arguably one of the best experiences of my life thus far. I went on this trip - being the youngest person involved and also not knowing anyone. I just.. wanted to do it. I heard about it on a Thursday. Got shots on Friday. Went on a 3 day bus ride that Sunday.

I couldn't shower for a week and the food we ate was worst at best. Was it hard? Yes. Was the sun torturing hot? Yes. Was The smell of the town was absolutely horrid? Yes. With every inhalation, the smell would curdle in your nose and cause nausea to creep into the form of a concern.

It was great.
I got over myself.
I got over thinking that I needed things for every day life. Sure, certain things make life easier.. but most things aren't needed. Going from sometihng to nothing really opens up your eyes to what is around you. You really never do realize what you have until it's gone. Unfortunate for us. Life is short.

When we stay isolated in our shells, we tend to take advantage of things, people, life. My best advice - do not be this way. Step outside, let people in and don't be afraid to be who you are. Love yourself and you can in turn, love others. Do what you think is best for you, what is right - even if that means stepping out on a limb. Just do it. Be confident.

I attempt to live with the mindset of "making the best of whats around." I grew up beating nightmares with that mindset and I don't regret that. I have always been seen as a confusing half split of a pessimistic attitude and innocent optimistic energy.. but that's ok. It's me.

I'm at another point where I'm trying with every waking breath to remind myself of what is important in life. Stresses try to block perceptions and that in itself is lame. Why would anyone strong willed let those things factor into a lifestyle? I don't want to be that way, matter of fact.. I refuse to be.

In order to not let the little things tear away at your soul, you have to step outside of yourself sometimes. Sometimes you have to stand up when everyone sits down. You have to speak when you know nobody wants to hear what you have to say. What does it matter to you? What should it matter to you?

And when we accomplish these goals of beating the lazy gene, we can tuck back in our turtle shells and take comfort. We rest in knowing we lived another day not taking anything for granted. We rest at night, cuddle close, hold dear to the ones you love - and know that the next day - you can step outside.... and home will be waiting for you.

A penny for your thoughts...

... but I'd rather have a dollar.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

a touch of hollywood

".. and a little baby talk to make sure you still work, it's business.."

As perusual, I instantly became attracted to the notion of being involved on a movie set. I know which cards to use when I'm dealt certain hands.. and in this case.. I just happened to know which names/networks to drop. It's awesome to have simialr interests with friends 'in the business' because they keep you updated without hesitation.

I auditioned for a character role -and- for a moment in time.. I actually had the part! Granted, it was a small (but camera friendly) role - but a role none the less. The electricy that ran through my brain was almost as explosive as it was when I found out that I no longer had the part. What? Oh yes. I lived my dream for about a day and a half before the crushing realization of the cliched "that's showbiz" phrase haunted my damp eyes. Turns out *in an ironic twist of fate* that I was too tall for the role. Me?! This may be the only time ever in life I will be told I'm too tall for something. It's kinda funny now.. but then.. I wasn't too amused.

Everyone on the set ended up knowing me for "being the girl who got cut. the orignal mini-me. the girl who got her hair cut for nothing" - with a grain of comical salt, I took it. Hey, at least my legacey lived on for trival/lame/boring gossip. I heard that the celebs felt bad for me and yet weren't shocked that David O. Russell changed his mind. The director is about as fickle as a flip-flop but - it's in his hands, he should do what he wants to make the picture work.

Things do happen for a reason though. The movie is a chaotic showcase of miscommunication and dramatics. The time/money/life wasted during this project proves to me that I'm way better off for not being commited. I still worked it out that me and a few friends could do some extra work on the movie. I'm better off for not having my own trailer or imbd credit. I landed a real job (practical and constant) and it pays the bills. Not only that.. but I've been able to have a life.

When the next movie rolls around.. am I going to try to be involved? Well, I'm already working on that. Yes, I'm in the works of setting dates aside to be a zombie. So while I'm trying to be responsilbe with my job - at least - in fleet moments - I can still get a touch of hollywood to feed my desire to be in front of the bright lights.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008


"You and I, cold February night.. it's been a half an hour.. taking sweet time saying our goodbyes... one minute more. The best day of my life is all thanks to you. Precious remembrance saved for rainy days or February. Few scenes from my life or moments mean more to me than our fine nights" - TheStartingLine

Question: Was February was a good month for me?
Answer: Understatement of the year.

Step One: Wake up with your mind pre-programmed in a ‘rinse, lather, repeat’ fashion.
Step Two: Panic when out of nowhere someone cuts the water off, leaving you a soapy (but fragrant) mess.
Step Three: Realize you don’t care that your eyes sting from the Herbal Essence that clogs your tear ducts.
Step Four: Realize you don’t care that you didn’t finish your habitual routine.
Step Five: Wipe the soap from your eyes as you stand cold, naked and curious.

Realizing someone has the potential to change your life forever is a cold, cleansing, and curious shower.

met·a·phor - an implicit comparison, something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol. a figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity .

I don’t keep receipts. I keep everything else under the sky… but I never keep restaurant receipts. There is simply no point for me to recap those transactions to anyone. (Shout out to online banking) However, if you look inside my hungry wallet, you will find one IHOP receipt from February 23rd at 5:20am.

The 5:20am IHOP adventure was not a breakfast meal, it was a… been out all night and in need of food type of meal. Also known as.. I’m not quite ready for this night to end so lets go somewhere for a bit longer.

I will do my best to control my syrup tendency - but the bottom line is – I finally found someone worth my time.
That is a big deal.
Seriously, that is huge.
See, a distant friend re-entered my life and the possibility of getting to know him better excited me. I’ve always though t he was cute but without question, there was an underlying chemistry between us. We instantly connected on several levels and I admit, it took me by surprise. You just don’t come across something like that everyday. Yet while easy to recognize, it can also shock you at the same time. For me, it was a good shock. Truly. Like a bolt of electricity pumping through my veins making my heart beat faster.. sending endorphins through my body with every awakening pulse.

We actually hung out and talked for a few hours about life and love. He told me about his thoughts and I told him my philosophy of how you have to have faith that someone is out there.. waiting/looking for you just as you were waiting/looking too. I told him my dating profile and shared my faith and trust based on knowing that God would pull through in the end with someone worth my time and affections. I’ve always refused to settle or play the random hook up game. I think that is sleazy and it creates unhealthy baggage and false expectations that nobody needs. It’s better to wait – wait for what is wroth your energy and precious time.

Wait for what you know in your heart and mind is right. When you find something great, hold onto it dearly. Don’t take it for granted because in a fleeting moment of desperation, the thing you crave so deeply – could be gone forever.

So anyway, we discussed things and had great conversations on our nights of hanging out. (Which became quite frequent)
Again, huge deal to me. While I’m known for pointless quotations and random outbursts, I thrive off of meaningful conversations. The things he said about what he wanted in life were pretty much the exact same thoughts I had. So much so, that I was taken off guard. That ‘shock’ and ‘to good to be true’ mindset took me by surprise. It actually took me a few days to wrap my mind around the reality of how hard I was crushing on him as I wondered how much he was crushing on me. I was initially hesitant but I quickly realized I had been praying for that shock “ moment” for.. well.. forever. I didn’t mind that I had soap in my eyes or that I was exposing myself to someone, as if naked in the shower of my mind. I didn’t mind a break in my lonely routine. Instead, I welcomed the break with curiosity and baited breath.

Step Six: As the water comes back on, finish your shower but with a new perspective and outlook what this refreshing sensation means.

Longer story short – we started dating and it’s been great. I’m not going to cheapen our relationship by shedding details of us, because that’s not my style, but just trust that when I say things are great – I mean that. I’m not using a cliché of everything looks perfect from far away bit – I truly am happy and in love. I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone so fast and I’ve never felt anything of such certainty before. That’s a good thing. Huge.

God is the ultimate completing force but he allowed for our paths to cross in such a way that I feel whole. As if this was the plan from the beginning. While I’m not one to typically rush into thoughts beyond my grasp, we’ve got a good thing going and I can’t wait for all of the adventures to come.


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

i'll be back

I am very aware of my MIA status as of late.
Deepest apologies - it'll never happen again.
Well, unless I get super busy... because then... it will most certainly happen again. Forgive me, Im honest.

I won't make broken promises because that isn't my style... but I will promise to catch you up on my thoughts and experiences.

Ex. I wrote this a few weeks back but it never got posted for some reason. IDK either.

I exist more comfortably in my environment now than I did a year ago at this time.

At this time last year…. I spent restless days and nights on a cold hospital floor pondering faith, love and if people really do have a purpose to the ‘so-called’ grander plan. Questions flooded my brain until my thoughts pulled me under a tidal wave of hypothetical notions. The nights I tricked myself to sleep… I would wake feeling as though I was washed up a distant shore. If I achieved rest, I felt it meant pleasure for the body and thusly, I felt guilty for allowing myself a healthy outcome when internally I felt so useless.

I had just come back from what should have proven to be the ‘best spring break of my ever' *insert trl style screams here* Well, I wish I could say that I enjoyed my all expense payed vacation to Cancun, Mexico. I wish I could tell you that I loved every minute of that all inclusive resort I called home for a few days. I wish I could tell you… well.. I wish I could tell you fun stories. Not the going to bed at 9pm or the sea sick day. Sure, I have a few things (refer back to me throwing up for an hour or so) but the majority of my time was spent starring into the crystal water with the warm sun beating down upon my troubled mind. The soft sand beneath my feet... unknowingly.. comforting my spring desires as I remained peaceful. In this moment, I realized what I wanted to do – go home - and break out of the mold that was forced upon my soul.

Was I homesick?
Negative. I don’t get homesick. I love to travel and experience new places in full.

Then what the heck was my problem?
How do you want to leave paradise?

A lesson that we all learn at some point in our lives. I already learned this – tis why I didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place but… if your heart is somewhere else – so are you.
My heart was breaking for my family and I was expected to go to another country and act like everything was peachy. That is the most fake thing I can possibly imagine and it irritates me /still\ that everyone made it out to seem like not a big deal.

To receive a collect call saying that Delaney stopped breathing and this may be her last night – while I’m off in another country with MTV on Spring Break? You’ve got to be kidding me. There is more to life people. More to life.

I hope you realize that the charade can only last as far as you are willing to manage and compromise yourself. You can only bend so far until you break. Don't EVER be afraid to stand up for yourself and break free from the shackles that bolt you into low expectations and tired dreams.

Monday, March 10, 2008


"A phone call I'd rather not receive. Please use my body while I sleep. My lungs are fresh and yours to keep, kept clean and they will let you breathe... If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes"

My soul erupted in a blaze of fiery emotions.. pumping a train wreck of notions through my veins.

I remember as if it was yesterday when my world became unexpectedly and forcefully tilted on its axis.
Gravity pulled me downward into a spiral of doubts and frustrations. If not for amazing friends, I might have lost all control of my mind. I lost my appetite and my desire for sleep medications to help the insomnia. I went for 4 days at a time before allowing myself to actually sleep at night. Friends are blessings. Sometimes you need an outlet outside of family to keep you accountable and to ease your troubles.

How alarming and unsettling it is to know that life courses may be altered by a simple phone call. The power that one message can contain is sometimes beyond our comprehension.

On my way to stand in front of a room full of my collegiate peers to talk about sociological statistics in marriage,
I received a striking phone call from m y brother. He informed me that my niece was borderline breathing in the womb
And was on the brink of becoming a memory. 3 Months premature. The same age my nephew was when his life was tragically taken away from him. God rest his soul. Brady Thomas – you are forever in my heart and mind. I love you.

Well, his sister almost shared the same horrid fate… I was completely wrecked. Luckily, my group project partners understood the situation and another member of the group stepped up and spoke in front of the class. I owe her. The salt from my tears would have ruined the note cards, weeks of hard work.

Delaney, my niece, came into this world and was given the gift of life beyond the womb. She has been under countless surgeries – including around 4 brain surgeries. She has had part of her intestine removed and we are unsure of her current ability of sight. Well folks, after me spending about 3 months on the hospital floor, throwing up in the baby nicu, crying in the parking lot, praying in the waiting room, and smiling by the incubator… and feeling all around beautifully broken – she made it. She is a force with a will that surpasses most people I’ve had the fortune of coming in contact with.
Now, she still faces many issues but – the point is – she is alive. One year old – amazing.

This little girl broke my heart and repaired it all within a single moment in time. I don’t know what you believe in but – if you didn’t believe in a higher power or God – you would after being near her. God has this way of breaking people and using situations to show you things – to recognize his grace and glory. She is a miracle. She brought us all back to our faith in a hardcore manner. I respect that.

I am no longer afraid of hospitals. Previously, only negative energy haunted me as I crossed the threshold of a hospital. I watched my father die in a hospital. I watched a machine get unplugged from a wall – determining the outcome of my father’s life. I watched my mother fall into pieces and scream for answers. I’ve been to a dark place and I admit, I fall back into my pain at times --- but --- last year, something wonderful happened --- yes, in a hospital. Death versus Life. The ongoing battle of what we can not control. Let Go, Trust God.

Well, needless – Delaney is awesome and to her - I owe some strength and my leap back into a good place in my faith. I gave her humble dedication in my hospital visits and she showed me that – when you love someone – you get beyond your insecurities and you overcome them because the past does not define the present… your outlook/perceptions change as we look – not at our own hang-ups – but when we zoom in on supporting the ones we love.

I believe in miracles. Open your eyes and you will too.


Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm back, no really.

Yeah, I'm going to post later.
I need a nap right now but I'm back, on the real this time.

A lot has gone down since we last had this thought to keyboard experience.


Friday, February 15, 2008

what I could do without

Valentine's Day

Well - we made it.

Yes, yet another Valentine's Day has come and gone. Gratz if you had someone special to share this commercialized day with: including but not limited to: hearts, candy, roses, and other expensive displays of emotion. Don't get me wrong, it's totally cool to participate in the happiness of this day - just - try to remember to keep that 'good feeling' going all year round.. love doesn't just get exciting for one day.. it should just serve as a cute/rad reminder of what you've got.

And for those of you that are a member of the S.A.D (single awareness day) club.. I hope you did something fun too. Love isn't just in the form of boyfriend/girlfriend - it's totally ok to express your love for your friends and family. I usually get cheesy cards (last year it was Hello Kitty) and give them to friends.. just because that's how I roll.. but this year, I was sick and kinda kept it low key. I didn't use my cell phone or the computer to message anyone. I really just took the day off for myself.

I spent the first part of the day with my family (mom rocks for taking care of me in my sick/pathetic state that I was in up until today)
Then I dressed up in some crazy outfit and hit up a pretty hilarious valentine's dinner with my best friend. We had a great time just hanging out and being ourselves. After that, some other friends of mine called me to come hang out at a place in town and I totally went. A band that I dig was playing and we all had a chill time.
So all in all, it was a pretty cool day.

Of course, in the back of my mind and in the most intimate places within my soul - I wish I did have 'that someone' to cuddle up with... but alas, I save my romantic love for another day. I'm interested in when the day will come that I can be in that place but I don't obsess over it because that's not my style. What is my style? Prayer over my life, future and feelings. I'm at a place where I'm ready for the next step. I had to work through some issues from previous baggage but - I'm proud to say that I'm at a good place and I have been for a while. Question remains.. who wants to take that next step with me?


Sunday, February 10, 2008

Pack your bags Flu... we are done.

Ok, from my last posting.. you know I've been sick.
Well, I don't remember the last time I've felt so baldy.
I thought I just caught a mild cold.. but it suddenly turned into the full fledged flu with some bronchitis on the side.

I have a very low protein diet and in times of sickness, I am greatly reminded of this deficiency. Proteins help you fight germs/negative entities in your body and my lack of them leaves me sick for longer than I'd care for. It's because I don't eat much meat.. but I'm going to work on that. I took my supplements and vitamins but sometimes, it's not enough.

I drank buckets of water for two reasons:
1) I tend to get dehydrated a lot and with the constant fevers and sweating, water was a must.
2) It would make me, without much hesitation, get out of bed to go to the bathroom - flushing out my system and making me work my muscles. If not for going to the bathroom, I would not have gotten out of bed at all. I would make myself walk around for a few minutes, sit at my computer for a second.. read some news and checks some sites, change clothes - then get back in bed.

Do you know how many clothes I went through? Great Day.
I washed stuff yesterday - like 7 loads of clothes.

My fevers would get so bad that I'd sweat through my clothes (as if I just ran 6 miles) and immediately after, the chills would start. My skin would get so cold from the sweat, I'd have to change clothes. Gross. But.. I guess changing clothes was also good because.. who wants to be in germified clothes all day?

I would take showers.. but you'd never know it.
I'd brush my hair... but you'd never know it.

I was straight up, death bed looking sick.

I'm still going through cough attacks and blowing my nose.. but I'm up to feeling 85% better - and that's almost as good as 100% to me. I give myself til tomorrow til I'm about 90% and each day following will bring me closer to 100.

I honestly hope that everyone avoided this sickness that is going around the world. The Today Show wished people luck in avoiding this.. and in my bed.. coughing... sweating... freezing... I laughed.

If you are sick.. here are some tips:
1) if you can't swallow pills due to the horrible sore throat:
Liquid dayquil and liquid nyquil work wonders. Use the dosage cup and down that nasty mess every 6 hours.
2) Benadryl allergy is also great for this - and those pills are tiny/easy to take.
3) Drink water until you feel like you might burst.
4) Even though you aren't hungry - try to eat some soup/mashed potatoes/toast. Just something to have in your stomach. I had a stomach virus too - so I couldn't keep too much down without throwing it up - so just have small portions of things.. to help the medicine do it's job and to keep you from getting cramps of hunger as you lay in bed.
5) Sleep when possible. Even if it is the day time and you feel you should stay awake. Forget that junk. Get your hours right when you feel better. You can't do anything else anyway - so just - sleep. Or, at best, close your eyes and just lay there in quiet. You might not thing you are doing much for yourself, but in reality - you are.
6) Take Vitamins
7) Wash your hands when you can
8) Whenever you get out of bed, take that opportunity to clean the area of empty pill things/wash out your dosage cup, take your cups to the kitchen and get new ones to fill with water, close up bags of tissue and put a fresh bag next to your bed to refill... just keeping the germs to a minimum.
9) spray disinfectant around trashcans, bed, light switch and doorknobs when you can.
10) Remember... you will feel better... one day.


Saturday, February 2, 2008



Fevers are lame and sore throats are stupid.
Everyone I live with has had the flu recently.
I say recently.. but like.. within the last two weeks.
I've done all I can to avoid everyone in my house.

I woke up today feeling like a hot mess.
Let us hope it stops with the sore throat.


Thursday, January 31, 2008

All We Are, We Are


Last night was nothing short of amazing fun. To say that I needed the faces that I saw and then events that took place… is an understatement. Things at the house/work/etc. have been oddly stressful lately and I really needed a night – strictly for fun. I can always trust that when I'm with my friends – that 'everything is good in the world' feeling kicks back in.

Did I mention that the concert I went to rocked?! If you don't know Matt Nathanson, look him up. I can hook you up with a list of my favorite songs – just ask. I've got every album. I've been a fan for 5/6 years. He is uber talented, hilarious, and in his own quirky way – charming as all get out. He has a passionate spark when it comes to his music – you can't help but want to know more about him and his life. Thus, we go to his shows for a glimpse of it all.

I sang aloud to every song and went into my own little matt zone. I talked to him for a hot second after the show and def. said..
"you might not remember me but…" Then he goes, "OH YAH!" And gave me a big hug and said something about the shows I helped put on for him.. and the airport pick-up, haha. He signed something for me and he said, Kristie right. I said yeah – he goes, KR right. So basically.. that.was. rad.

We took a picture together and he pulled my face into his and goes, "your breath smells amazing"

HA – he cracks me up!!! Thanks Orbit for that brief moment in time, I owe you… haha!

Here is his new single: Car Crash

I also met Ingrid Michaelson. Her voice is just as unique as she seems to be. She has a haunting vocal range that will leave you with odd melodies stuck in your head for hours. I was impressed. I knew most of her songs but I'm not a massive fan like I am with Matt. I've kept up with the music scene enough to pick out her better songs and those are the ones I frequently play. She reminds me of my cousin which is a little bit crazy but – cool none the less.

A very chill, indie show well done.

The night seemed like it went by so fast. When all was said and done, it was a little hard to believe it was as late as it was. Time to hit the road. Me and my homegirl had a long drive back home… in the rain.. that never stopped… haha but it's all good. Worth every drop and I'm ok with making coffee to stay awake at work. =)


Sunday, January 27, 2008

what a week

Last week was pretty insane with the sheer volume of daily attempts to bring me down. I've defiantly never been put through such emotions as I have last week. When something is done, it's done. When the timer goes off - the popcorn is ready to be eaten. Setting it for another 4 minutes is only going to burn the bag and/or set it on fire. Funny how some people try to set you on fire. I guess it's fun to watch.

I'm not bitter, I just don't understand why some people say the things they say.. or behave the way they do. It's very interesting.

Point to this vague blog. I hope that I will be left alone of the drama I don't wish to partake in. I think I proved my point that I refuse to be a pawn or be made to feel insecure by anyone. Sad that it came to that though.

In other news, my weekend picked up my mood a bit bc I got to see 2 movies and got to see 2 friends. I finally caught up on the sleep I had missed from the weekly insanity. I've been limiting my computer time lately so that I concentrate on a few other things so forgive me for being slack on the blogs.

No frets, I'm back..

***congrats to The Office for getting the SAG Award for Best Ensemble!***
Well Earned! Can't wait for new episodes... the WGA ordeal left me with baited breath!


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Kill the Messenger

"...I know I'll feel better in the morning
But this is how I feel right now...
If you need anything just call
The understatement of the year.."
-Most Accidents Occur 10 Miles From Your House-

Ever feel alone in a crowded room?
Do you think to yourself.... is life going to be like this... forever?
Can the cycle be broken as quickly as a wave that hits you out of nowhere?

We wait...
with our anxious breath and tired hopes...
but even still....
we wait.

I invite such distractions into my scene and i am ready to discover what it all means. let us make our moves and embrace those moments...

...before they pass us by...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

donnie darko said it best

Gretchen: Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something
Donnie: What makes you think I'm not?

My weekend was pretty random... nothing new there =p

I got to rd trip with some friends to visit with other friends.. awesome! Got to see one of my bests - that never sucks. I also got to play rock band.. two days straight. So I'm pretty much a pro now, haha. I got to eat some Italian Pie (rocks my face off) and hang out with a few people I haven't seen in a month or so. Pretty cool. Oh yes, my gps lost signal and I got lost. Of course. Typical.

Well, it's a lazy Sunday and I'm just kinda... taking some me time and thinking about my future. Change is the only element of life that is constant. As humans.. we strive on consistency but.. is there ever really 100% consistency to the daily life? Not in mine - I mix things up, add some spice to the daily episode of life.. to keep things interesting. That said, I'm exploring some options right now involving what I need/want out of life and I'm doing what I can to get that going. Wish me luck.. it's not as easy at it sounds... esp.. when I think.. well.. it's complicated...

Donnie Darko: i dont want to be alone...

Friday, January 18, 2008

Let it Snow!

It actually snowed last night!!!
How crazy/cool is that?!
Sadly, it didn't stick to the ground but despite the lack of white lawns..
it was still refreshing to see.
Something about chasing snowflakes and letting them melt on your tongue...
brings out a youthful innocence in everyone around.

I was able to drive into the winter mix and I was able to run around my yard like a 5yr old in a candy store with a fresh pocket full of change. I'm jealous of the areas of my state that actual snowfall but.. hey.. I'll take what I can get.

I love it.

Friday, January 11, 2008


I thought I’d write you a few words that greatly impact perceptions... in an optimistic fashion. I’m all about discovering what is important to me these days and with such…. I’ve realized.

Life is short.
Break the rules.
Forgive quickly.
Kiss slowly.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably.
Listen wisely.

‘And this above all us…. To thine own self be true’
Don’t worry about what he says/she says/they say – because it is Your life. How awesome is that? You were given a gift – you didn’t earn your right to be born so don’t take your life for granted. Anyway, you make your own choices. You were born alone and will, one day, die alone. Live your life to the fullest and surround yourself with happiness. What makes you happy – will not nec. make your neighbor happy so don’t live by comparisons. Follow your impulses, your heart, your dreams. Never give up on something you care about – you care for a reason. You are You and that is what makes You unique and special in this World. Never forget that, never.

Smile Often. =)
Life isn't complicated.. we just make it that way.

<3 - me

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Evil Eye

Please turn up your volume and watch this hilarious kid.
This seriously brightened my day! hahaha

Sunday, January 6, 2008


*ah ahh ahhhh chuuuuuuuuuuuuu*

Forgive me... *cough*.. for I have a slight cold.

Despite my 'out of it state' I did lock onto some great messages tonight. We talked about Love. A new guy spoke and he did a great job conveying his point.

We talked of "Love" and how it is nearly impossible to define. Seriously, have you ever tried? You simply can't say just one word to describe it. People tend to ramble on and on about the feeling and emotion bc we have a hard time being direct about this four letter word that means so much. However, the one thing that we can all agree on is that... Love is the Heart of Sacrifice. When you "Love" something - oftentimes you sacrifice your: time, money, pride... etc. Love costs you something.

I don't know what you believe in but it is my own thoughts that Love points you directly to God. With this love you have purpose for your life here. The sacrifices made for you - wow - amazing and out of, yes, Love.

This love - lives inside of us. It moves in us. It moves in me. It gives me hope that there is something bigger, greater than me. And there is.

Love is what inspires me, it fills my lungs and I hope that I breathe it out and live my life in such a way that I share this love with others.

There are different types of love... but one thing is understood.
It is real and it amazing.
It can make you do stupid things and act goofie.
It can make you lay down your life for another.
It can make you practice restraint.
It can teach you a lot about yourself and others.
It can leave you breathless.
It can make you cry, sing, dance, smile, sob.

This is a powerful emotion.
Don't let it fade and hide inside of you.
Love to a parent/friend/neighbor/girl or boy you like/stranger on the street.

Pass it on.


Saturday, January 5, 2008

Ok Go

I was sitting at my computer sorting through videos that I marked as favorites and I came across this magic. I almost forgot about it, so funny.

We've all seen it but - Here it goes.. again.. (no pun intended!)

Mr. Jones

Hey all,

It's been quite a long day but it's almost time to shrug off the daily blahs and focus on the comfort of a warm bed. I'm meeting up with a friend from high school in the am. She just got engaged.. cha-ching to yet another dress Ima have to buy! lol. She is great though and I couldn't be happier. She dated this guy for over 5 years and they will have a long engagement. They know what they're doing.

"All my friends are getting married... I'm just getting drunk"
-the saga continues.. -

Random aside: If someone would like to help me find a "Good" job - link me, that'd be rad. I'm almost thinking I should go work in Palm Bay, Florida bc I have a house there and... though I'd get minimal pay for an entry level job.. the view would be nothing short of refreshing. Alas, I love my friends/family too much to take up and go too far away. I like the state I live in, I really do. I'm ok being here. If I had a reason to leave I would.... unless I had a reason to stay. Does that make sense? Anyway, not living in a "cool" place.. is what makes vacations so great. You get to venture to the places you'd "love to live but never would" Better to keep that vision a dream to give yourself something to look forward to..

Speaking of different places - one on my bests/favoritest homeboy, moved tonight.. bah! =(
Not out of state or anything too dramatic.. just to another city. He moved with hopes of finding a better way than his current one. I admire him for taking the leap of faith to hopefully find something more suited to what he wants for his career. It's a hard thing to figure out. Lord knows I'm a bit lost in the job market right now. I've gotten a lot of job offers lately but I refuse to settle for something I know isn't right. It has been hard... but I honestly know in my heart that I'm being smart about this. I pray that hopefully soon - the right job will become available to me. Til then, I might be working at a new bar and grill. See, getting a "job" isn't hard, it's the career that I'm thirsty for.

Anyway, it's a bittersweet feeling when someone moves away. You can give someone all the love and support humanly possible and mean every single word you say... but in that moment of reality/silence, you can't help but be taken down by a wave of sadness. It's natural. Well, a short drive to another city is hardly the movie ending of a long , teary goodbye as you wave to fading car lights off in the distance. See, when you are close with someone, you make it work to see each other... nothing changes. If miles change your friendship/relationship with someone then you should prolly think about what that means. The marking and test of true friends, yes? You realize who is important to you in times of absence and lack of sight. And if this person is... for example... a best friend: then seeing them will be freaking cool and exciting. You communicate as normal, if not more so, and you carry on seeing each other when you can.

My point: I'm pretty sad that he won't be around for the daily hilarity of random hangouts and adventures... but now.. I look forward to the perusal good times when they can happen. I hope he finds what he is looking for... he is awesome and deserves happiness. He makes me smile and for that, I owe him one. 2007 was stellar. Truly awesome person... I'm going to miss muchly...

ps. don't take your friends for granted. your 'true' non sketchy, non agenda style friends - don't hesitate to love on them and remind them how much they mean to you.

<3, goodnight!

This will never get old to me =) :

Friday, January 4, 2008

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Baby it's Cold Outside

It's freezing today! C'mon sky.. bring on the snow flakes!
Nights like this you almost want to just hide away under blankets and sheets...
I was lazy yesterday though.. I can't be that way 2 days in a row =p

Work was as slow as 'all get out' today for unknown reasons. I had plenty of work to do, I even had my friend meet me for lunch at the office.. still.. the day lasted forrrrevvvveeerrrrr. (quote'n Sandlot is never a bad thing)

Now, I want to go see the National Treasure movie if I can find someone who hasn't seen it yet and wants to go... I don't have to go tonight but I'd like to see it soon since I just watched the first one. I want it to stay fresh! If I can't find someone - I might end up watching Just Friends at my friends apt. Either way, not a bad deal. Holla'

off to work out.. oh my.. no pain no gain.. eeeeeeeek!

stay warm, cuddle up!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


It's been a loooong day, I'm trying to figure out what job I want for the new year!

I'm off to bed.. and yes, 11pm is super early for me but you know what... there is nothing wrong with cuddling up in bed and watching a dvd til falling asleep. It's pretty cold in my house.. so I'm ready to get up on in bed, have some alone time with God, and just relax and hopefully get to sleep.

Tomorrow starts the Boot Camp workout thing.. *yiike*!

G'nite Loves

ps. i love you
(ok, I've seen that movie preview like 20 times tonight.. I had to be a tad cliche!)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

stifny (continued)

Re-reading my first post.. I shutter at how nothing seems to make sense.

I was set up last night by 2 people and when I found out about it and said,
"no seriously, I'm good.. thanks but no thanks.." I guess I wasn't clear enough.
Needless, I had to deal with some sketchy behavior that I felt was a bit much.. I dealt with it privately but it caught me off guard due to the randomness and unrelated nature of it all. Ya know?

It's the sleazy way certain things were said.. and how I was treated... really middle school and lame. Sketchy even tried to get me upset <-- all in an attempt to make me respond and act out?! Cause that makes sense...well folks, I didn't act out. Shame, lol. Yeah, I'm not that kind of girl. Sorry to disappoint. I don't waste my breath or time being stupid or doing stupid things that don't matter. Well, I didn't appreciate the buzz kill of a person I didn't know... pulling a bad attempt at reverse psychology... bc he had hopes of getting lucky. Yah, trying to stir up drama when there is nothing to stir.. that is sexy. Not. It made me want to leave the situation and people. It completely sucks that people carry on as such.. on the daily. Although one person apologized.. the other did not. Pathetic. And as far as sketch.. no worrys, by the end of the night - his satisfaction was reached elsewhere.

ps. when people ignore you/give you the cold shoulder - *for no logical reason* it is a sign of passive aggressive weakness. Not attractive at all.

Anyway, other than running away from someone all night and feeling shafted for unknown reasons... by someone else, I had a great time.
The rd trip to our destination was fun and dinner was great! Sing-a-longs rule and my gps is trusty. The house was interesting and we def had fun moments... aka circle of death... but I think the 25 dollar cover and puked up van kinda started to put a twist on the level of fun. The Bkfst Club was just that.. 80stacular! haha I got to hug and kiss all the friends in wishes of luck for a great new year. Buuut when it was time to roll home... it was time to roll home! I don't know... I just get uncomfortable when ppl start going in random rooms doing things. Ya know? lol ah!



Dear Friends,

I hope and pray that you have a rocking 2008! I want to take a second to thank the wonderful people in my life that have helped make 2007 so amazing. No other people would I have rather spent my time with on the daily... seriously. Friendship is so much more to me than the surface.. hang outs and random dinners.. it is - being yourself, having a great time, being there for each other.. and also feeling comfortable to have serious heart-to-hearts with each other too. It's a special connection when you can pull all of those factors into one bond.

The people I call "bests" are 100% bests. I love each person in my life and I'm thankful for them. I would do anything for my friends, I hope they know that. I don't compare one friendship to the next because each is special and unique in it's own way. Some friends I see during the week, some more on the weekends but - it's all wonderful.

To those people, I owe you. I appreciate you for who you are. You don't have to impress or be something you're not. Some of the best times happen when we have no plans at all. That is when you know you have good friends. You don't have to "go out" or "do something" - you can lit. just be in each others company and that be enough.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

So this is the New Year...

"So this is the new year. And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal. Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
So this is the new year. And I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions...
so everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once...
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn, as thirty dialogs bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days,
then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways...
there'd be no distance that could hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back"
-death cab for cutie-

Welcome to 2008.
I'm anxious to see what this year has in store for me. I have no major expectations.. so when things happen.. I will be that much more thankful and open. I know that God is in control and I've got total faith in his will. I don't know what that means for me or where I will be or what I will face.. but I do promise to be myself always and to always give my best.

Well.. let me just say this..
Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. 98% of assumptions are wrong. I got thrown into a pool of assumptions last night and it broke my heart in the worst of ways. I guess it's not enough that my heart is marked fragile. No, guess not. I'd never harm/hurt anyone.. seriously. So why do people feel the need to put implications on others for awkward entertainment. I'm not ok with people trying to manipulate their way into my business. Sadly, I had to deal with some unnecessary mess last night that made me feel sick. I'm not sure why someone would ruin my night by telling me how I'm not good enough.. etc. Adding to that, I'm pretty sure I was ignored and or 'blown off' for no apparent reason.. well.. other than it relating to the mess I had to deal with. Awesome. I pray for clarity there bc.. I didn't act any different with anyone... so I'm not too sure what happened, it confuses me. I'm not someone who can simply flip on/off a switch on friendship. So why the cold shoulder? I'm not dumb... what did I do? I'm not thinking I did anything.. honestly, I'd confess if I had something to confess upon. I was just myself.. nothing new or different... but... I still got shafted on more than one attempt. Some nerve must've been struck of issues or insecurities.. I don't know. I'm going to hope and pray that the people I call my friends would not let others affect their personalities like that. Then again, maybe that just shows me who my 'real' friends are..

I'm open to lit. anything this year. I know what I like/don't like and what I want to be around/not be around. I learn that a little bit more each day. I did a great job this year of getting rid of the drama in my life.. and that is what made 07 so great. Now, my goal is to rid the people who are two-faced in my life. The ones that treat you with mutual friendship one minute then take you for granted the next. I got called "secondary" last night.. out of the freaking blue.. by someone I didn't know! Yep, I don't know everything said behind my back.... but for whatever reason, I was told a great deal. c'mon. I don't waste my time or breath on pointless endeavors.. if I can help it.. and I can. People really should leave people alone sometimes... messing with people implies things that need not be implied. Again, assumptions are... not usually a good thing. You don't know the truth unless it comes from the source, til then - you just 'think' and never 'know'.. If knowing is a hard reality then.. I pity when the fantasy fades... bc it will.. reality always rules out in the end. Point being: if you want to ask a question - ask it to the right person. Mkay?

ps. I'm not attracted to sketchy behaviors or people... let the record show.
(aka, I don't want to even be friends with people who play with fire bc if you roll with company like that.. you will eventually get burned or adapt to being a piro yourself. Well known fact. Surround yourself with good company and true friends.. you can never go wrong)