Monday, December 29, 2008

Coffee? Always.

Today I write you from a cliché type of environment.

Yes, I am the girl in the corner, being emotastic - listening to music, drinking my Starbucks, reflecting on the day.

Firstly, allow me to vent about my night. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was held captive to my thoughts in such a way that I could not fall asleep. I struggle with insomnia most of the time but this was different. This was beyond border-line annoying. I wish I could succumb to the idea of taking medications to help drift me off to sleep.. but alas, that is just not my style.

Around 3am I pulled out the yoga mat and did some relaxation salutations hoping I could, at best, achieve a yoga nap. (if you’ve never had one, you are missing out)

Well, no nap.

I do have a lot of things on my mind so I guess for now, I'll chalk being alert up to that. Don't get me wrong, it’s all good things, thoughts and notions. No bad situations or worry currently reside in my brain or heart. For once, I actually have this feeling like everything is finally starting to come together for me. I am attracted to feeling this way and I am super excited about it.

In hour two of Family Matters, I started thinking about my upcoming trip to Florida. Gosh, I love to travel. I wish I could travel more. I really do. If I could just spend a year or so… traveling… oh wow… what that would do for my spirit would be nothing short of amazing. I’ve only been out of the country a few times but I’m itching to fill up my backpack and hit the road. Thus, I’ve been thinking about traveling a lot lately and with that, I would really like to go on a mission trip this year. I feel like my passions being brought together is something that should happen more often than not.

I want to go on a mission trip.(hopefully this year)
I want to travel. (always.. it's in my blood to explore)
I want to spread the word of God. (whenever opportunity presents itself)

The best mission trip I went on was in Renoysa, Mexico. I was there for about 2 weeks and it broke me in the most beautiful of ways. It was emotionally and psychically demanding - but - wow. I can't even put into words the give and take of what I got out of the trip and what I was able to do while I was there.

I hope God will reveal an opportunity like that again soon.
If there is a will - there is a way.

Alright, I’ve been at Starbucks for a while now.. I think I’ll hit the road and put a temporary clamp on my love for writing. Did I mention this mocho lite frap is making my day? Or that my bangs being back makes me happy? Or that when the sunshine touches my skin I want to do a lil dance?

Laugh at me. My meter ran out a few minutes ago so I moved from being emo to being artistic. Now I’m sitting in a corner but in the front near the window so I can watch my jeep. If I see a meter reader, consider me going for an impromptu jog out the door.

And if anyone actually reads my blog posts,
I hope you are having equally rad if not more rad day than I.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

On your mark, get set...


I've been busy lately with mixing songs and coming up with fun choreography. And through this process, I've realized how much I really miss dance and cheerleading. I would love to get back into something like that again. In 2009, I hope to join a gym (I've been without one for a short while due to money) and I will be doing the hiphop workout/dance combo classes for sure. Maybe that will feed my need for now. It's hard when you do something you love for... 17 years.... and then it just stops.

*Tip: Audacity is my audio-mixer of choice*

ps. I'm going to Florida in 2 days and I couldn't be more excited!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

It takes me back

I can officially give a shout-out to Christmas Day. Praise! :-D

So, I did the usual candle light Christmas Eve service at church and henceforth, I'm about to share some thoughts.

a) When we walked into the sanctuary.. music was playing through the speakers. Uhm, that has never happened. And to top it off, it was the stellar Hillsong with Mighty to Save! It was strange for me because this is a very traditional church body and for a long time, they were anti-anything but tradition. Back in the day, I had several people frown at me when I would introduce new forms of worship. Either way, it's totally cool. If it works, it works. It was just cool to know that these people are finally understanding if not appreciating different forms of praise.

b) Some little girls I used to teach.. are now graduating high school. They sang tonight. I am a creature of observation and in that - while one girl was doing her solo.. I focused on her father's face as he listened to her sing. (Mary Did You Know) He listened with his eyes closed and a passion for the words she sang. Yes, I almost lost it. I seriously caught myself moved to the point of tears. A beautiful moment. This man later came up to me and said a big hello and Merry Christmas. (and I don't really know how he even knew my name to be honest. He never came to church when I went)
-When I left my hometown to move to cola, I prayed that I would leave a pebble of motivation/energy behind... and at this moment, I felt that perhaps I did leave a bit of something to the youth. Maybe it was just in giving them courage to seek a voice within the family. I know getting to sing probably wasn't easy, but they did it. And in turn, they will help motivate the next group coming through.

c)After the service, I ventured upstairs to my old stomping grounds. I went to my old Sunday School room and upon entering the door.. a smell hit me like a ton of bricks. It's the smell of old people, books, stale star crunches, dr. thunder spillage, dry eraser markers... and.. oddly enough... I adore this smell. I know it sounds spectacular as all get out but.. it takes me back. I walked into the room and just stood there...alone.. reflecting on who I was then and who I am now. I like having deep conversations with others but every now and again, I like to have a good one with myself too.

And a side-note that is unrelated to moments of reflections...
I now own a sweet new camera!! I had no idea... this was a huge huge huge bit of awesomeness that added to my day. My previous camera struggles. haha. And being as though I love taking pics... t'was a magical gift. And it's pink ;-)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I'm not a shark, I'm a jet.

(pre-reading note: I realize that when I give shout-outs I type directly to the person, so in case my thoughts are ever read by anyone I shout-out to.. they will have my direct words. Done)

Saying my week started off badly would be an understatement.
Saying my week ended off better than I could have imagined would also be an understatement.

Say Whaaat?

So, if you know me at all - or you read my twitter/fb/or blog.. you know that the car accident wrecked my brain and wallet almost more than the jeep itself.

Well, here is my update post that messy, foggy, Tuesday night...

I took a much needed road trip with some of my friends aka family and we ventured to see Taking Back Sunday in North Carolina. Holla! I had a great time getting to know each of the people on the trip better and the concert itself was fun/off-the-chain. Mellie and Callie, my LG, my sisters, my straight legit bond. I always enjoy spending time with you both. Mellie, you're a great bestie and I love you muchly. You have a huge part of my heart. Callie, you are like a sister and I enjoy the times we have to hang out as our friendship contines to grow. Mikey and Jwhite, I group y'all together because when I think of the trip.. I think of you both being hilarious.. together. The combined antics would make anyone laugh aloud and forget their troubles. Thanks for that! And Bailey, truth be told, I think you're pretty rad. I had a blast hanging out with you. ps thanks again for being awesome in making sure I didn't get lost in the mix during the concert!!!

I'm glad everything worked out. God Rules. Word.

Ok, in keeping with the good vibe.. the next morning I woke up to a phone call that I had been eagerly awaiting for. Yes, it finally happened! After 3 long months of doing odd modeling jobs and going on countless interviews to try to find a place to work.. I finally got the job offer I had been praying for! YES. Words can't fully describe how pure the salt was that ran down my cheeks as I gladly accepted the position.

Thank you everyone that has stood by me, supported me and prayed for me.
You each mean so much to me and I hope that in some way/shape/form.. I repay you 10 fold. I would do anything for any of you, please know that you can come to me for anything. My phone is on 24/7 and if I don't answer, I will call you back.

I wish I could expose more feeling into this blog because I have a lot in my heart but... I'll save that for those one-on-one opportunities.. bc that's what it's about afterall.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Isn't it Ironic.. don't ya think?

So, tonight I met my Life Group out for dinner. T'was rad as per usual and I left feeling good and excited for the rd trip some of us are going on tmwr. (to see one of my all time fav bands) And I thought to myself, "hey self, lets go ahead and fill up the gas tank so you have one less thing to do tomorrow"

So I'm driving down the rd, looking for the cheapest gas I can find. After realizing I had gone pretty far out and seen all of my options, I pulled into a turn lane to... well.. turn around.

I look to my right.. cars are off in the distance. (one direction road)
I turn left.
I drive.
I hear screeching tires on the ground.
I tense up.
I feel a quick, jerking to my car and I quickly try to get off of the road as to not get in the way of anyone else driving.

Yep, I was hit.

Now, here comes the ironic part.
I have been very hesitant on driving on this rd trip tomorrow because we have 6 people and I have 5 seats in my car (as most cars) and I was thinking... strangely a lot.. about how unsafe that is. About how I was broke and couldn't afford a ticket (for not having enough seat belts) as well as.. safety.. what IF something happened.

And oh my, it happened.
Only just to me.
Which I prefer. I don't want to endanger my friends/family.

I've never been in an accident before (with me driving)
much less have someone claim it was my fault and thusly.. I got charged with a REDICK fine that I can't pay and 4pts on my license.

The guy in the van that hit me... well.. his car is crazy wrecked. His passenger door was about hanging off, mirror cracked.. the list goes on and on.

I feel in my gut that God is telling me:
a) never compromise what you feel is wrong for you
b) listen to that voice telling you it's not a good idea, it's me talking here
c) it was a sign that maybe if I did drive tmwr, something worse could've happened... esp due to my extreme caution. (you know when you are over careful.. something typically happens. Just sucks bc I am an awesome driver, ugh)

It's funny how not all messages apply to all people.
For ex. I've ridden.. and driven.. countless times.. with people "improperly placed" and it's never sunk in with me as a bad idea. Just this week. How odd. It's like I knew something was going to happen.. just not what or when.

Now, now I have a horrible pain in my neck, shoulders, right arm, right leg and lower back to prove to me.. just how important seat belts are and how for me, I can't go with something I feel in my inner gut is not cool.

It's 4am and the pain is a bit much.
Job interview early.

oh OH the best part.
After the police cleared us to drive into a parking lot (it was dark as mess outside.. and yes it took the police 45 minutes to get there) guess where we were....

A Funeral Home.

Dear God,

I got your message.

A ticket is minor compared to a worse alternative,



Friday, December 5, 2008


Reflections of a Broken Heart.

I found out some news recently that has left me feeling helpless, broken and confused. My Mom received a bad flu shot recently which has left her with neuropathy problems. The shot went too deeply into her skin and it has left her with a constant full body tingling sensation. Seriously, it never stops. And at moments, it gets painful for her. She never complains about it but you can see the look on her face and it breaks my heart. What kills me more is that she had to get the flu shot because she is a teacher, all the teachers got shots that day. Yet, she is the only one left with issues she will now have for the rest of her life. She was told that there is no cure for this problem. I want to prove them wrong.

If I could take her place, I would. I would jump into her body and I would give her mine to keep. She is the most amazing person I've ever met in my life and I am fortunate to call her my Mother. I would do anything for her, without second thought or hesitation. She is my best friend, mentor, and mother. I am lucky in this, I am beyond blessed.

Why is she so awesome?
At the gas station as I was leaving to come back to cola, I felt sad and couldn't help but cry. I tried to be strong but I couldn't figure out why this amazing woman of God would have this happen to her. She touches so many lives daily.. I wish you knew... and for her to now be in pain/discomfort... it kills me.

She saw my tears, made a joke to make me smile.. but then looked at me and said.
"Do no worry for God had a reason. I'll be ok. Trust and have faith."

If you need a positive role model in your life. I'll give you her number.

I just wish I could do something. Feeling helpless and emotionally weak isn't helping matters. I had a long talk with God and I'm working through this with prayer. Maybe they can find a cure or some sort of medicine to help ease this.

I love her.
Any prayers for her would be muchly appreciated.

Meanwhile, I need a new job ASAP. If you know of any place hiring, keep me posted plzzzzz!