Tuesday, January 1, 2008

So this is the New Year...

"So this is the new year. And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal. Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
So this is the new year. And I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions...
so everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once...
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn, as thirty dialogs bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days,
then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways...
there'd be no distance that could hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back"
-death cab for cutie-

Welcome to 2008.
I'm anxious to see what this year has in store for me. I have no major expectations.. so when things happen.. I will be that much more thankful and open. I know that God is in control and I've got total faith in his will. I don't know what that means for me or where I will be or what I will face.. but I do promise to be myself always and to always give my best.

Well.. let me just say this..
Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. 98% of assumptions are wrong. I got thrown into a pool of assumptions last night and it broke my heart in the worst of ways. I guess it's not enough that my heart is marked fragile. No, guess not. I'd never harm/hurt anyone.. seriously. So why do people feel the need to put implications on others for awkward entertainment. I'm not ok with people trying to manipulate their way into my business. Sadly, I had to deal with some unnecessary mess last night that made me feel sick. I'm not sure why someone would ruin my night by telling me how I'm not good enough.. etc. Adding to that, I'm pretty sure I was ignored and or 'blown off' for no apparent reason.. well.. other than it relating to the mess I had to deal with. Awesome. I pray for clarity there bc.. I didn't act any different with anyone... so I'm not too sure what happened, it confuses me. I'm not someone who can simply flip on/off a switch on friendship. So why the cold shoulder? I'm not dumb... what did I do? I'm not thinking I did anything.. honestly, I'd confess if I had something to confess upon. I was just myself.. nothing new or different... but... I still got shafted on more than one attempt. Some nerve must've been struck of issues or insecurities.. I don't know. I'm going to hope and pray that the people I call my friends would not let others affect their personalities like that. Then again, maybe that just shows me who my 'real' friends are..

I'm open to lit. anything this year. I know what I like/don't like and what I want to be around/not be around. I learn that a little bit more each day. I did a great job this year of getting rid of the drama in my life.. and that is what made 07 so great. Now, my goal is to rid the people who are two-faced in my life. The ones that treat you with mutual friendship one minute then take you for granted the next. I got called "secondary" last night.. out of the freaking blue.. by someone I didn't know! Yep, I don't know everything said behind my back.... but for whatever reason, I was told a great deal. c'mon. I don't waste my time or breath on pointless endeavors.. if I can help it.. and I can. People really should leave people alone sometimes... messing with people implies things that need not be implied. Again, assumptions are... not usually a good thing. You don't know the truth unless it comes from the source, til then - you just 'think' and never 'know'.. If knowing is a hard reality then.. I pity when the fantasy fades... bc it will.. reality always rules out in the end. Point being: if you want to ask a question - ask it to the right person. Mkay?

ps. I'm not attracted to sketchy behaviors or people... let the record show.
(aka, I don't want to even be friends with people who play with fire bc if you roll with company like that.. you will eventually get burned or adapt to being a piro yourself. Well known fact. Surround yourself with good company and true friends.. you can never go wrong)

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