Fakeosity

As I sit in my hometown room at 2am.... wide awake... I look to my right and I see the sociology of law book from jr year. It's currently being used to prop up a lamp.. so I either a)felt it worthy to keep or b)couldn't sell it back to the bookstore for a worthy profit. Either way, my degree in college was focused around the study of group psychology and one of the main targets I observed dealt with behavior patterns/group health.

It bugs me to see people blatantly manipulate other people by emotional dependency desires... but at the end of the day... I hope for the best in people. You have to.

The broken world left me with this simple statement regarding fakosity*:
When there is an abundance of self-seeking motives, "people" will use their "so-called-friends" whenever necessary to achieve their goals/means.

*Fakeosity - word that I made up to describe the art of being fake -and/or - living life as a facade/charade/scam.

Ironically, nearby my socy book is an in depth study of the historical literature of the Old & New Testament. Funny how one class brought forth the problems and the other class provided the solution.

Accountability

Yes, I know.. I haven't been active in my postings in a hot while.
I'm back on the writing scene - I'll start with something short n' sweet.

Accountability is huge.
I could go on and on about how important and awesome community is but... like I said, this is short n' sweet. In my LifeGroup, one of the things we are doing is focusing on a target accountability question to ponder during the week.

Since we could all use depth in our thought life and/or questions to reflect upon.. I thought I'd share this with you.

1) Ask yourself.
2) Answer honestly.

Did you spend significant time with God through His Word, prayer, quiet time, devotions, and/or other spiritual disciplines (today/this week)? How much? How constant?
Is He your driving force?

If you struggle with intentional conversations with the people you are walking through life with - accountability questions make for great revolutions.

<3

kp

crush our pride & take our idols too.

"I don't wanna spend my whole life asking, "What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?" - matthew west

Our pride makes us feel like we have certain rights...
Our pride masks the grace that we got but never deserved...

So... what is your functional god?
-what do you "idolize" in your life?
-what consumes your thoughts/time?
-where do you sacrifice your energy?
-what can you "not do without?"

Don't misunderstand my thought process on this one. Please take time to recognize the blessings in your life and give proper thanks for them. Blessings are good things & heck yah, be passionate about what you are into and what God has given you! It only becomes an issue when you take those things and sit them on a throne. Yeah, it sounds a bit harsh but it's true. Turning a good thing into a God thing - always becomes a bad thing. There is a reason these gods don't completely satisfy all of your needs... it's because they can't.

<3
-kp-

went to mexico and...

... here is my feedback.

1) Love has no language barrier.
2) The art of pure sacrifice reveals unconditional humility.
3) Respect is earned through actions more than words.
4) Compassion speaks volumes within even a glance.
5) Having your heart broken by God is something to be thankful for because it's the only way to open your eyes to the things you've seen and open your heart to the lessons you've learned.
6) Allowing yourself to become transparent to those around you 'as a family' opens beautiful doors for encouragement and guidance.
7) I am blessed and I need to evaluate what that means.
8) I am rich compared to most - so what am I doing with what I have.
9) Appreciate everything - let nothing slip through the cracks of contentment.
10)Don't waste time thinking about doing something - get up and just do it.

Love.

If you want the detailed part.. read onward.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:19

In my obedience to follow scripture, I joined a team from Midtown and embarked on a mission trip to the Yucatan Peninsula. We spent the mornings helping to construct churches in Colonia Milagros and Rancho Viejo. Midtown has a mission partner in Mexico "Alfonso" that helped us out a TON while we were out there. We got very lucky in having the staff take us in so warmly and quickly. They rocked.

In preparing for the trip, Alfonso wrote us a letter in which I would like to share a bit of with you regarding the villages we were involved with. (in regards to their economic standing..)

“…These communities are experiencing rapid growth. In just three years the population has grown from 5,000 people to 15,000 people. The average citizen ears $30 per week – some earn much less. The government has done a poor job helping these people. They have little training, no education and there is very little social assistance to aid their desperate situations. They see incredible wealth and frivolous spending all day long, then they go home to their shack or cinder block home. Their poverty is very oblivious to them…”

We worshiped through serving as we welcomed in the surrounding poverty stricken communities. I hope that we showed them that wealth is relative bc our debt is paid in full through Jesus Christ. God already met “our” biggest need by sending His son to give us salvation through that abundance of grace. No amount of income can take that away.

We hosted a children’s camp "VBS style" during the afternoons.. and it was oh so rad. I speak little-to-no Spanish but the beauty of it all... love has no language barrier. I had the best time hanging with the kids and they never seemed to care that I couldn't speak in their language. They were awesome. Their parents were some of the most trusting parents I've ever met. They never once hesitated to let us love on their kids.

We also drove around the streets and handed out clothes to the people nearby. We went to each respected house and offered them clothing for their family. I wish I could express how it felt to see their respect, humble acceptance and tearful joy of simply receiving an old, not super attractive, t-shirt.

I know, right?
Tip: Be thankful.

sitting at the table

"I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery"
-bright eyes-

Would you cash in your chips if you knew that you were losing?
-or-
Would you stay in the game.. sucked in from the risk of it all?

Honestly, I'd rather know that I was working towards a result than waiting around for ridiculous odds. Even still, why do I sometimes keep cards glued to my chest as if luck will manipulate the hypothetical?

i wish you well

I ran home, felt like a kid again
Like I did way back when
Eyes open wide, I came here to hide
And so it goes

Few days shy of 25
Alone again, wondering why
No one stays by my side
And so it goes

I don't wanna know what love is
I'm just trying to exist
And I'd like to think you'll be back after this
Oh but I know you don't believe it

There are pieces of you here
That just won't disappear
At least for another year
So I wish you well my friend
Cuz I know you won't be back again

I've never felt so
Half of what I am
So lights out
Lets do this again

Tomorrow's on hold
When I'm missing conversations
And coming off cold

I'll take the fall
And blame this all on me
For the sake of hiding
What created this catastrophe
Where every day's a heartbreak
And it hurts to be awake
And so it goes

You don't have to convince me
The truth is in your words
When I wake it will be me
Still being absurd
And so it goes

swallow the verbal vomit

The healthiest way I know to express myself is through either writing or dance and well, writing seems like the only logical outlet right now.

When I write, I have a few seconds to think about what I'm going to say before I’m caught up in a moment where verbal vomit takes the best of me. So this is for the best right now. Something happened yesterday that upon notice, made my blood burn within my core. So in the nicest way possible, allow me to cover up the sentiment as I construct this blog. I shall creatively deconstruct my thoughts in a somewhat related fashion to my motivation without being too obvious. Yes, it’s a sick art I've perfected: how I can be quite direct while being as vague as possible.

Theme 1: Terms that people should not throw around include:
Theme2: If it’s not your business, keep it that way.

Terms that people should not throw around: ANYTHING RELATIONAL WITHOUT INTENTION, TRUTH, MEANING. Empty words are like cavities to the soul. Yes, you can quote me on that. Flattery is empty and damaging to the spirit. Words of mindless gibberish quickly clutter ones perspective and that is the equivalence of taking someone and pushing them into a wall – over and over and over again.

If you do not “love” someone – do not say, hey blank – I love you.
Now, I get it – we all “love” each other – and depending on what you believe – you prob should so .. awesome.. but that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. It sickens my stomach when I know people have been dating for like 2 weeks and they are throwing around, “I love you” like it’s going out of style. You can like someone but stop expressing/confusing that love with romantic – I could marry you – “love”

“say what you mean and mean what you say” – it’s that simple.

Someone did that to me once after like 3 weeks of hanging out and it of course -freaked me out. I turned to this random person and said, “You love me? Do you? What about me is it, what depth do you know about my life, my heart, what relationship have we developed that backs up my character – examples?” So yes, I make things awkward but I mean, c’mon.

Also, keep up with pop culture – if you are dating someone – I assume that to mean that you are in a committed relationship. We are not in the 1950’s and to court/date someone does not mean the same things today. We must be up-to-date on the lingo. If you have been on a date with someone, then it is what it is. Please don’t go around saying that you are “dating” said person if it’s not a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario, or just don’t do it around me. Thanks in advance.

“keep it simple, stupid”

Lastly,
If it’s not your business, stop selling it.
Seriously, emotional strain cuts deeper than any knife and it painfully scars where no neosporin can touch.
GOSSIP? Kill it and walk away. THINK FOR YOURSELF. DONT DOUBT YOUR INTELLIGENCE, GROW UP.
Gossip spreads like cancer and it nearly has the same effects, so just stop. If it’s not your story, why are you telling it? Get your own. I’m not saying, don’t talk about your friends to your friends and share fun memories – I’m saying stop being malicious, immature, self-seeking, prideful, arrogant, nosey and judgmental in talking about someone behind their back.

Even if you didn’t think it was a bad idea – assume it always is and you won’t have to worry about it. **on the other side of the coin, if you hear a rumor – please consider the source. If you are ever in question of something you overhear that may involve you – contact the actual person who allegedly “said” these things. Be mature and get to the truth of the mature before you make your next move. If anything, do it for yourself.

-kp-

Literate and Stylish

Something about this summer feels like it's time for me to pick up my guitar and start writing songs again. I miss the days where I would just sit underneath the stars... strumming out my autobiography as I took in the beauty of the night air.

So my guitar needs proper tuning but my pen anxiously awaits the page.
No, I won't post my stuff - that's creepy but from time to time you might get a glimpse.. glimpse #1

Burn

we are oh so typical in the circles we run..
i tire at the thought of long races in the sun...
where no one wins because everyone lies...
there is no truth...
just our seasoned disguise..

I need you like water in my lungs.

..this story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear..

No matter what sheltered world you have created for yourself... you will still face a day when your world is wrecked, your day is ruined and you feel like the fates of the universe are against you. You are then left with two options.

Option one: Get over it, get over yourself, learn something.. and move on.
Option two: Sulk, complain, pity yourself, self-loathe.. and stay depressed.

Picture this: It's a crazy hot day outside and you just bought yourself the best ice-cream cone you've ever had but.. in your excitement... you dropped it! What moments ago brought you joy now brings you heartache. Your treat is now a puddle on the steaming pavement below. What do you do now? Do you say, "well that sucks, haha"
Or do you bend over and proceed to lick up the gravel stricken substance in a desperate attempt to save the misfortune that occurred?

I think most people live their lives in such a way that they are constantly staring at the ground in hopes of reversing life. Some people are so fixated on the puddle of ice-cream on the ground that they miss the nearby ice-cream truck that is giving away free cones. No amount of staring at that puddle will reverse or bring that cone back to your grasp.

advise: Stop complaining about what you think is wrong with your life. Focus on the good things that you have been blessed with. Concentrate on what you have versus complaining for what you don't. Don't sell yourself short by licking the pavement when you could just laugh and get a cup next time with hopes the fate of your next treat will result differently.

Sure, vent when venting is needed but not for vain attempts of self-worship. Seek advice for growth and perspective on how to move on in a healthy way. If you compare your life to someone else, you will never be satisfied. The grass is always greener so learn to accept the life you've been given and rock it bc the world does not revolve around you and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can learn to let go of the trivial things that weigh you down.

Not trying to be rude but:
To those people that intentionally unload their hypothetical melodramas on others for constant attention - you are like poison to me. Poison that numbs the friendship and spreads rampant through my veins and skews my view of you. I love you for what it's worth but if you attack me with your fictitious woes just for mere attention, you are poison to your own spirit and just know, there comes a point when my health can't afford to let you tangle my nerves... just for your amusement. Taking advantage of friendship just to make yourself feel better is pretty sick and I breathe a lot easier without it.