Monday, March 10, 2008


"A phone call I'd rather not receive. Please use my body while I sleep. My lungs are fresh and yours to keep, kept clean and they will let you breathe... If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes"

My soul erupted in a blaze of fiery emotions.. pumping a train wreck of notions through my veins.

I remember as if it was yesterday when my world became unexpectedly and forcefully tilted on its axis.
Gravity pulled me downward into a spiral of doubts and frustrations. If not for amazing friends, I might have lost all control of my mind. I lost my appetite and my desire for sleep medications to help the insomnia. I went for 4 days at a time before allowing myself to actually sleep at night. Friends are blessings. Sometimes you need an outlet outside of family to keep you accountable and to ease your troubles.

How alarming and unsettling it is to know that life courses may be altered by a simple phone call. The power that one message can contain is sometimes beyond our comprehension.

On my way to stand in front of a room full of my collegiate peers to talk about sociological statistics in marriage,
I received a striking phone call from m y brother. He informed me that my niece was borderline breathing in the womb
And was on the brink of becoming a memory. 3 Months premature. The same age my nephew was when his life was tragically taken away from him. God rest his soul. Brady Thomas – you are forever in my heart and mind. I love you.

Well, his sister almost shared the same horrid fate… I was completely wrecked. Luckily, my group project partners understood the situation and another member of the group stepped up and spoke in front of the class. I owe her. The salt from my tears would have ruined the note cards, weeks of hard work.

Delaney, my niece, came into this world and was given the gift of life beyond the womb. She has been under countless surgeries – including around 4 brain surgeries. She has had part of her intestine removed and we are unsure of her current ability of sight. Well folks, after me spending about 3 months on the hospital floor, throwing up in the baby nicu, crying in the parking lot, praying in the waiting room, and smiling by the incubator… and feeling all around beautifully broken – she made it. She is a force with a will that surpasses most people I’ve had the fortune of coming in contact with.
Now, she still faces many issues but – the point is – she is alive. One year old – amazing.

This little girl broke my heart and repaired it all within a single moment in time. I don’t know what you believe in but – if you didn’t believe in a higher power or God – you would after being near her. God has this way of breaking people and using situations to show you things – to recognize his grace and glory. She is a miracle. She brought us all back to our faith in a hardcore manner. I respect that.

I am no longer afraid of hospitals. Previously, only negative energy haunted me as I crossed the threshold of a hospital. I watched my father die in a hospital. I watched a machine get unplugged from a wall – determining the outcome of my father’s life. I watched my mother fall into pieces and scream for answers. I’ve been to a dark place and I admit, I fall back into my pain at times --- but --- last year, something wonderful happened --- yes, in a hospital. Death versus Life. The ongoing battle of what we can not control. Let Go, Trust God.

Well, needless – Delaney is awesome and to her - I owe some strength and my leap back into a good place in my faith. I gave her humble dedication in my hospital visits and she showed me that – when you love someone – you get beyond your insecurities and you overcome them because the past does not define the present… your outlook/perceptions change as we look – not at our own hang-ups – but when we zoom in on supporting the ones we love.

I believe in miracles. Open your eyes and you will too.