Thursday, May 28, 2009

Literate and Stylish

Something about this summer feels like it's time for me to pick up my guitar and start writing songs again. I miss the days where I would just sit underneath the stars... strumming out my autobiography as I took in the beauty of the night air.

So my guitar needs proper tuning but my pen anxiously awaits the page.
No, I won't post my stuff - that's creepy but from time to time you might get a glimpse.. glimpse #1


we are oh so typical in the circles we run..
i tire at the thought of long races in the sun...
where no one wins because everyone lies...
there is no truth...
just our seasoned disguise..

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I need you like water in my lungs.

..this story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear..

No matter what sheltered world you have created for yourself... you will still face a day when your world is wrecked, your day is ruined and you feel like the fates of the universe are against you. You are then left with two options.

Option one: Get over it, get over yourself, learn something.. and move on.
Option two: Sulk, complain, pity yourself, self-loathe.. and stay depressed.

Picture this: It's a crazy hot day outside and you just bought yourself the best ice-cream cone you've ever had but.. in your excitement... you dropped it! What moments ago brought you joy now brings you heartache. Your treat is now a puddle on the steaming pavement below. What do you do now? Do you say, "well that sucks, haha"
Or do you bend over and proceed to lick up the gravel stricken substance in a desperate attempt to save the misfortune that occurred?

I think most people live their lives in such a way that they are constantly staring at the ground in hopes of reversing life. Some people are so fixated on the puddle of ice-cream on the ground that they miss the nearby ice-cream truck that is giving away free cones. No amount of staring at that puddle will reverse or bring that cone back to your grasp.

advise: Stop complaining about what you think is wrong with your life. Focus on the good things that you have been blessed with. Concentrate on what you have versus complaining for what you don't. Don't sell yourself short by licking the pavement when you could just laugh and get a cup next time with hopes the fate of your next treat will result differently.

Sure, vent when venting is needed but not for vain attempts of self-worship. Seek advice for growth and perspective on how to move on in a healthy way. If you compare your life to someone else, you will never be satisfied. The grass is always greener so learn to accept the life you've been given and rock it bc the world does not revolve around you and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can learn to let go of the trivial things that weigh you down.

Not trying to be rude but:
To those people that intentionally unload their hypothetical melodramas on others for constant attention - you are like poison to me. Poison that numbs the friendship and spreads rampant through my veins and skews my view of you. I love you for what it's worth but if you attack me with your fictitious woes just for mere attention, you are poison to your own spirit and just know, there comes a point when my health can't afford to let you tangle my nerves... just for your amusement. Taking advantage of friendship just to make yourself feel better is pretty sick and I breathe a lot easier without it.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Am I correct to defend the fist that holds this pen?

Your tongue is a rudder, it steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you... come off course while you sleep. Sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef.

**If you don't want to read this, don't get mad if you do**

1) Break the legs off the beloved pedestals you've built and look people in the eyes.
I'm completely ok with respecting people, having positive role models in your life and being so touched by someones existence/example that you value them at a higher cost than your average stranger. I am completely not ok with people setting such people on unrealistic pedestals and turning respect into worshiping practices of flattery in hopes of social status/networking/ego filling gain.

I feel like I see this all too often. People have lost understanding of how to go about friendships properly. Friendship stems from attraction to personality and interest in wanting to know someone better - you extend kindness and roll with it. You develop a seesaw effect of a give and take relationship for friendliness. I feel that the people who don't feel such affections reciprocated - put those they seek approval by atop of a "tower of worthiness" and henceforth, attempt to worship them in order to be accepted. It is quite frustrating to see bc these situations are not good for either party involved. The worshiper is putting their identity in an idol and the person being worshiped is either freaked out - or egocentric enough to allow it to continue when they should hopefully know better.

I have people that I respect and look up to - of course - but at the end of the day, I'm not breaking my neck to fixate on their lives. Maybe it's just me but I see a lot of this going down and it makes me sad. If you speak of your identity being in.. ex. Christ - check your heart - is it?

2) Passive-aggressive subtext
I'm sarcastic. I'm aware of this default that I so comfortably sink into. Thus, feel free to bring me out about it as I speak from both sides of my mouth on this one. Point blank: If you have something to say - freaking say it. I'm good at banter so I can pick up on this behavior and over analyze your mannerisms and subtext quicker than you are aware. Even if I'm not directly involved, it bugs me to see the merit of conversations get lost based on someones attempts of being obscure. In actuality, you are being more clear than crystal in such situations. I'm ever so guilty of covering truth with a joke or a backhanded jab via my quick wit. (most commonly when in the midst of distracting the notion of a potential conversation that I'm not prepared to have) Because being direct is something I've dealt with - I can easily spot it in someone else.

Yet, who gains anything from subtext? Why are you so afraid to be open? All it does is creates mindless overanxious concepts in someones mind that leads to various assumptions that are hardly ever the truth. I've found that a lot of people with these behaviors are insecure and are so overwhelmed with conviction/guilt/etc that they hide behind 'the mask of conversation subtext angle.' I'm someone who feeds off of impressions I get from others and if subtext takes precedent over actual conversation, not for my lack of trying, then I back off efforts bc it's clearly not my issue to take charge of at that point. You might be a coward if...

3) Actions speak louder than words because words hold no weight without motion.
Actions speak volumes. Actions give words their meaning. This relates to both of my previous rants. (esp with the passive aggressive subtext bc verbiage is only half the battle) Running away from someone and/or looking down at the ground to avoid eye contact typically means that someone is afraid/embarrassed/ or convicted of something. In those cases, why not seek redemption? Why not talk face to face and bridge the gap of dysfunction? Just as someone is constantly doing their work in the office without need for recognition - actions speaking volumes of their work ethic. Just as a mother who doesn't like to cook, provides a meal to her family every night - what an action of love.

You can determine a lot of discernment of someones character by how they live their lives and how they relate to others. Maybe because I studied this in college and I feel like I owe myself gratification for dissecting situations but... I mean.. like it or not, people are watching. If you are saying to yourself, "I don't give a crap about what other people think of me or what I do" - then you have more pride issues than you'd like to admit. The point is: if you put yourself in the spotlight of someones life - be prepared of the repercussions of undesirable behavior. Nobody is perfect - clearly, look at me if you want that verification - but based on what I notice - I am left with no choice but to express myself.

4)Practice what you preach. Me, you - everyone.