Dating 101: The Basics

Hiya,

For the past 4 weeks I have attended a life application/Church series called "Relationships for Dummies." (gotta love the title) Allow me to share with you my thoughts on that topic. Granted, you may not agree with my translations from what I absorbed over the last month but.... maybe... just maybe... something I say will help you in whatever situation you are currently in. I will address these topics from a religious standpoint with support from what I personally believe.

Dating/Courting:

step one: boy meets girl/girl meets boy
step two: attraction
step three: friendship
step four: attraction grows stronger
step five: the 'what now' stage of confusion
step six: cross your fingers and ask set person out on a 'date'
step seven: now what? what do you ask yourself? what should you consider?

Here is a verse that I would strongly encourage you to consider when you are thinking about a relationship.

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14

Check the website posted below for more information on what the above verse means and where the term "yoked" comes from. They break it down much better than I have the ability to: http://www.childoflight.org/yoked.html

This is a verse I learned growing up but for whatever reason, I never put forth effort into believing. I know that sounds foolish but I will be the first to admit that my heart rules over my brain at times. I fell into a comfortable relationship with someone even after one of us changed religious beliefs. I honestly didn't think that this difference would lead us into the amount of countless, circled arguments it did involving philosophy versus God. Well, guess what. That isn't healthy for the believer or the non-believer. It will tarnish your spirit and exhaust you emotionally and physically.

It honestly took hearing this verse again for it to really sink in. I went to one of my best friends for some late night, random advice and he mentioned this verse to me. Soon after this, I heard it from another best friend. Not much later, I heard this verse in Church.. t'was like God was saying to me, "Child, listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me." Alright I said, "God, you are not giving up on me and I get it. You know what is best" And yes, I felt guilty for justifying my beliefs to satisfy my desires. When you have different centers in your relationship - it will eventually catch up to you. Even if it isn't hurtful or directed, I would not wish such conflicted faith on anyone. I was never hit with sticks by the one who loved me but we were still standing on different ground. I honestly had forgotten to apply scripture in my relationship. We still respected each other and supported each other but yet... in times of those differences... yikes.

There are 3 main topics that you will face in your life pre and throughout marriage. One of those is Religion. Please don't start something that you can't finish with someone. How painful. There are a few things you've got to be on the same page about...that's just logic/common sense. If you are religious - then that will factor into everything else in your life. You should want to share your spiritually with your mate. That is such a precious and intimate part of you. You need to be supported and held accountable by your other half. You need to build each other up in your faith. Now, what if you are in love and one person falls out of faith? What if that person changes and wants to attempt the relationship again? Well, that is up to you - just be aware of what is at stake. Talk it out with pure intentions. Pray. Some situations do turn around after time, some don't. God works in mysterious ways but he will not lead you astray.

If you are not religious, you may feel neglected and left out of that spiritual relationship. You may eventually take that out on the other person. (without even knowing that you are doing it) Neither one of you deserve that. Sure, the difference can work out - anything is possible. Trust me, I've been granted talents in compassion and patience and I was fine for years. Still though, it will be lonely for both of you if you can't share that deep part of your soul. No one should have to compromise themselves in such fashion. (thanks to another friend for that last bit of wisdom)

Here are 3 notions that may help you in the dating scene:

1) Create a profile for the person you want to be with.
"Where there is no vision.. the people will perish" - Proverbs 29:18
Make a list of the qualities you desire in the person you want to be with. I'm not talking about long hair and blue eyes... I'm talking about qualities/characteristics. exs of mine would be....someone who is compassionate, a good listener, loving, giving.... yadda. You need to be aware of what you want and what you are looking for in another - a vision. The list is a good practice but don't take this 'profile' to an extreme. You will only set yourself up for disappointment. There is no perfect guy or girl out there because no-one-is-perfect. Please keep that in mind and be reasonable about your 'vision' - good luck! ps. You might just learn something about yourself and the people you are honestly attracted to during this exercise.

2) Be Patient.
Let God be God. We have got to trust him in all areas of our lives. For some reason, we think we know more than he does. We feel that we can control situations and justify situations to fit into our own will/plans. Just stop. Seriously. It's not worth your stress and time. Don't force things to happen because if it is going to happen - it honestly will happen. Trust. Have faith. Be still and wait. You will meet that person and maybe you already have. You just have to be patient with the process because you are on God's time - not yours. It will be worth the result... that is my hope.

3) Be the right person.
We fixate so much of our time and energy on finding the right person but... do you ever stop and wonder if you are being the right person? Point: Don't toy with peoples hearts and emotions. Do not let your selfish desires for attention make you a shallow person. Don't lead someone on just to make yourself feel better. Don't be the type of person that you wouldn't want to be with. Character is everything.

ex. of Character:

Song of Solomon
A married woman is talking to her husband and she tells him that his name is purified oil. Back in the day, your 'name' meant everything. Your name was what defined you. She said his 'name/character' is 'purified oil.' Purified oil was used in the Holy Temple to honor and show respect for God. The comparison is stating: he is a man of God. She is attracted to her husband because:
he is who he is,
not what he could become
or what he could change into being.
He is - a man - of God.
His character is respected and admired by his wife. How awesome.

Respect. One word - with so much merit. I'll write more on this topic in a new post.
In the next posting I will cover:
1) the differences in guys/girls
2) do looks matter?
3) what to look for in a girl - how to love her
4) what to look for in a guy - how to respect him

<3
-KpF-