Oh Hey Perspective!

x.evaporated.x

Sudden events necessitate being out of touch and I currently face such delays in my daily existence.

"Accept things as they are and change your schedule. These things happen!"
ziiiing.

sarcasm is a crutch for the weak and sometimes I'm downright fluish.

be still and wait

Quiet subtext speaks volumes of analytical depths in times of deafening silence.

I feel that sometimes/in certain situations - words are either:
a) not good enough
b) lost in your mind
c) swallowed back into your heart

It's in moments like that when silence means everything.
And I know you know what I mean.
When your tongue goes numb and you become almost shy of language all together.

I am amazed at how loud silence can be.
There is great power in few words with exact intention.

Silence turns us inward to our thoughts and perceptions.
Insert my over analytical nature here.

As I undergo this process of patience, I pray that clarity will work it's magic like Windex on smudged glass.

Good Friday part 2.. read part 1 first.

So if you read part 1 first (which you should do now if you are reading this message first) you know I'm all about this weekend.

Bittersweet.


This weekend is also incredibly difficult for me at times.
This is the weekend that marks two deaths of two people in my family.
John Thomas Flynn. (my father)
Brady Thomas Flynn. (my nephew)

Yes, it is almost chilling that these deaths center around Easter. And for that, I have had to deal with some serious issues with God in the past. Alas, with death comes life and a new hope. It is in that I trust that they both are in a grand place where neither of their hearts will hold pain or unpleasant circumstance. Peace.

Even so.. it's hard.
Tomorrow I am going to Sumter to do help my Mom with an Easter Egg hunt at my hometown church.. then have lunch with my family and then after.. I'm going to the cemetery to visit their graves.. before returning to Columbia.
I will sit in silence and stumble upon words as no words ever seem quite right.
It is humbling.
Our time is short and when our purpose is fulfilled, we are sealed to joining Him in His kingdom.

So why are we so selfish here on earth? Because we love.

I want to encourage you to take heart in this season of your life and just really let people know how you feel about them. Be open and honest - you have nothing to lose. But if you let that moment slip away - it may be the last one that you ever have.

With death - comes new life.
Easter.
Bittersweet.

Love to the Tips of your Fingers.

make it count

Good Friday

Picture this if you will.

exhibit A: A pretty legit dude, being obedient to his Father, doing his thing - sharing this rad message of peace and love.
exhibit B: Everyone else.

So, the people in this lil area of the world... in large part.... are not ok with the power that encompasses this guy. They don't get why people believe the things he says or why people follow him around doing what this dude proclaims as truth. The people think.. "who the bleep does he think he is?.. he is NOT the king!"
Matthew 27:11

The people outside the clique want to do whatever they can to see this guy put to death. They didn't mess around back then. They want all the power for themselves. This guy is so confusing to them and yet oddly valuable and important to how the society is evolving... that even a friend is willing to rat his buddy out just for a couple bucks.
Mark 14:10-11.. so breaking.. Matthew 26:47-50

I can't imagine being this guy. Stop and think about all of the possible emotions that must be going through your head. Knowing how good these people could be or how much love they could have if they just listened. Watching them rip the flesh off of your back. Being straight-up beaten to a mild existence only to then carry a large cross... a freaking long way.. up to a place where you would then be laughed at until death overcame your body. All the while.. being mocked.
Matthew 27: 27-31

Guess what though... this guy proved all those jokers wrong.
His death had purpose and His obedience to God, brought this to light.
He did not let death overcome HIM.

Oh yes, 3 days later God was like... boom. done.
Jesus came back! Easter! WHAT?!

Ok so you can read my previous post on my feelings of Salvation but I'll touch base a little bit in this blog as well.

Jesus died a death I deserved to die for. For the sins I commit. For the sins you commit. I'm talking about the little things and the big things. With every whip across His body, with every nail that pierced through His tender flesh, with every drop of blood that hit the dirt.... it was for you and me.

Please let the reality of that sink in a bit.
I know we can't fully understand the complete magnitude of grace we are given but at least attempt to meditate on that concept.

Yes, Jesus died and came back so that you and I could have eternal life in the name of Jesus Christ. He paid our debts for us so that we may know Him - God - feel the Holy Spirit in our lives and live in such a way of Truth, belief, and faith - that we can one day live in Heaven with our Savior.
Matthew 28. Yep the whole chapter.

victory.

Tetelestai

I've wanted a tattoo for a long time but I've made myself wait until I felt it was right. I figured, if I had to second guess the symbolic branding of my flesh then I should hold out until I didn't have a shred of doubt.

Well, I found my symbol and it comes in a word.
The word comes from Ancient Greek and it is: Tetelestai.

I'd love this to be put in a cool font on my wrist, black, not huge.. just enough for me to be constantly reminded of the meaning behind the text.

So what is the meaning behind the text?
Good question.

"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit" John 19:30

Jesus sacrificed His life in the most incredible way imaginable. He payed the price, my wages of sin, so that I may come to know the Trinity and have salvation through knowing His beautiful grace. He suffered on the cross because of our sinful nature. He bled for our transgressions. And He "finished/completed/paid our debts" for us due to His love and hope for us. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! I mean, really.

I want this tattoo to remind me that my debt is paid-in-full.
A reminder that Jesus loves even a sinner like me and above all else, He is my everything.

Long story short, I don't know when this is going to happen but it will happen when the time is right and it will serve as a daily reminder of the grand price Jesus paid for my salvation.


KP

Forgive Me

My apologies.

I feel that I need to openly apologize to those that I may have come in contact with tonight during my half-asleep mode. Looking back…. I think my exhaustion may have come across as apathetic and I want to clearly state that if you got that impression from me - I am truly sorry.

My heart was in the right place tonight but my mind was elsewhere at times. Yes, my mind was screaming for rest but I haven’t let it rest bc I haven‘t been able to get much sleep lately and it affected me more than I was aware. I completely suck for letting that determine my behavior.

Anyway, God woke me up during the service - He is good about that - and afterward I was back to my semi-normal self. I just wanted to apologize for those fam loves that I might of spoken to earlier when I was out of it. If you felt something was off.. It was totally me, not you,. I am unaware of how shy I become when I am inwardly exhausted.

Working on it.
Please forgive me.

Today is a Gift

Today is a gift, not a given.

Lets get serious.
How often do you properly give thanks for each day?
I mean really, really give thanks for your existence.

I feel like we all falter in this area sometimes because it's so easy for us to take our lives for granted. I feel that we slack off in our appreciations due to distracting behaviors and egocentric tendencies. We become so involved in the discovery of ourselves that we let the quest for self become our identity.

I posted a while back about my feelings of Identity in Christ and how amazing that is.. so I won't get into that now. Look back if you want a ref point.

Ok so, we all have purpose. We have a reason that we are here.
How encouraging. Be thankful for your little part in this masterpiece.
Without each part, the puzzle would fall short of it's design and intention.


p.s. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I am happy to report that my health is much better know and my liver has been healed. Praise.

Did we ever REALLY leave middle school?

Good Question.


-more on what I mean later tonight.

________________________________________________________________

Ok - I'm back.

So, I'm going to take a moment to laugh at myself. I posted that I would explain what I meant by the above statement.. but I never did.
What I did do - was verbally have a discussion of this to friends and in that, I vented the topic out of my system. I forgot that I agreed to transpose those thoughts into text. My bad.

Basically, the sociologist in me has been on overdrive lately. I've always been fascinated by crowd mentality and inter social relationships. Why do people gravitate towards other people? Is it just because of circumstance or is there something more? Is there a motive? A need? An attraction of personality? Fate?

I have my own answers and thoughts to each of those questions based on what I think about people and how we were created - and that's all good and jolly but where I get into feeling middle schoolish is when I come into situations where I notice what I like to call, "desperation for approval."

Why do people care about what others think of them?
Now, it's one thing to practice what you preach and want to be seen in doing so to set a positive spin on being a good role model but it's a completely other issue to want to do things on purpose to be seen or liked by a certain crowd.

Yet, we are all guilty of at some point - wanting to be accepted, liked and loved in such a way that we feel included/accepted. Again, that's ok - we all want to be loved... but some of us go to annoying measures of needy behaviors to accomplish those goals. My advice?

Be yourself and don't compromise what you believe/the Truth.

What have I learned over the years?
I have friends.
I have people that I like to be around.
I like to hangout with those people, given the opportunity.
I like to meet people and learn about them regardless of who there are.
If a friendship forms - awesome - nurture it, cherish it. Learn. Grow. Love.

Doing things just to be noticed, for the most part, is pretty lame in my opinion. I'm not talking about like a dude going out of his way for a girl to notice him.. bc that's different stuff all together... but I'm talking about straight-up making a dramatic scene into everything just for people to point a giant spotlight on your stage. This coming from someone who considers herself to be an entertainer of sorts, I know right?

I care about God and my goal is to live according to how we are called to live.
It's not about me.
I'm accepted by Him and I trust that I can be myself with the people I call friends/family.. that's legit.

-KP-

where are you now?

Where have I been lately?

Internally sorting through thoughts in my head.


I bit my tongue to keep from speaking.. bc everyone says, "emotions are fleeting" yet my emotions are grounded in over analyzed truths, so that's how I know such honesty is pure. God holds the clock that I wish that I held... but I have to let go and trust in His will instead.

l.o.v.e

there are certain people that I owe this too.

thank you to all of my friends for being there for me, always.
i could name drop here but i dont believe in that.

if you are in my life, we are friends - you know who you are without me having to say a word.

the last week has rocked my world and a typical me thing to do would be to keep it all in and not tell anybody. thank you to those who heard my cry and followed up on it.. be it silent prayers or words of encouragement.. no words can express my appreciation and value of our friendships.

I am truly blessed.

Seriously?

Ok, I just have to vent this out real quick.

Tonight I had a horrible experience at a local gas station.

I was just pumping my gas when some dude came over to where I was pumping the gas and he just... stood there, looking at me. Sketch.
I just ignored him as best as possible and kept on pumping my gas.
He walked away and then a few seconds later - one of the 3 guys throws a beer can at me. Yes, he threw a beer can at me and then said, "b*tch, pick that up."
Are you kidding me?

I bit my tongue, just stopped pumping gas - looked inside the store to see if there was a dude working or a girl, it was a young girl - So I started walked to my get in my car and then another one of the dudes starting yelling at me.

I can't even being to bleep out type the horrible things he said to me.
He basically told me things that I should do to him and where I should go.
It was graphic and it was pathetic.

I got in my car to avoid my talking back and starting more drama. I went to get their plate number but they drove off.

I almost feel violated.


Seriously.
Did that just happen?

evaporated

Girl sits at desk.
Girl gets phone call.
Girl stares at computer screen, perplexed.
Girl stutters in confusion to the person who called.
Girl breaks down.
Girl folds inward.
Girl feels alone. worthless. helpless. broken.

And then she is suddenly surrounded by love, kindness and scripture.
Girl realizes, she is not in this alone.
Girl realizes there should be no bitterness, just more faith.
Girl realizes that she is loved in ways she never understood before.
Girl realizes God blesses her through her unfortunate circumstance.

So this week has been rough to say the least.
In a matter of moments, I went from feeling great to feeling horrible.
When the nurse called me and told me vital information in an empty, curt tone - I felt as if I had been beaten and left bleeding on the curb. I know that seems a bit extreme but that's how I felt in that minute of time. There was nobody else in the world, just me. I guess my problem is stated in that sentence.
I could've written an entire bside disc filled with sadness. The feeling of, why doesnt anything ever work.

It's so hard for me sometimes to be positive about things I am a realistic about. I felt as if that phone call was a bad attempt to seal a fate that I dont agree with.

My heart crys when I flashback to thinking about the last time I saw my Dad's face. Flashing back to the pain he must've felt. Flashing back to a lot of things that I refuse to cheapen through text but just trust me... that is nothing that I want any of my family or friends to have to deal with as far as I am concerned.

I'm going to do what I have to.
Live my life as perusal and live according to what I believe.

God is in control... please remind me of that in my moments of weakness:
When I feel sick.
When I feel defeated.
When I feel bitter about being somewhat helpless.
When I feel like a burden.
Remind me, just remind me of the cross.

God is a healer.

decode

As the title of this may suggest, I've been on a Paramore kick the last few days.

Don't you wish that you could just buy a box of cracker jax (forgive the cliche) and find the awesome prize of.. ta daaa: a decoder ring! Only.. it serves as a ring of truth. zing!

Yeah, I know that sounds kinda childish.
The whole idea of being being honest with ourselves as well as others.
I've come to realize that most people are only as honest as they are expected to be.
That is prolly the most emo thing I've said in a while.

I think truth/honesty is SUPER important.

That being said - I feel like the idea of honesty is something super hard for most Christians. Doesn't that seem ironic? I think it's because of the misguided pressures that we put upon ourselves. When we think things are all about us - we compare ourselves to others in such a way that creates major internal/spiritual problems. The hope to break from that pattern comes from praying for forgiveness, humility and to trust God with everything. In the same way, if we go around thinking it's all about us - and we dont re-channel our perceptive through grace and what that means in our relationship to Christ - we are left feeling guilty, sinful and worthless. I say.. repent and focus on how that can change. Lay your burdens at the cross. Jesus loves us and through his blood, we are saved. How awesome. It's nothing WE did but yet His favor is upon us... we are adopted into His kingdom.. sweetness. So lets be honest with ourselves and realize it's not about us.. bc that is the honest truth.

I have such respect for honesty.

just. do. it.

I'm finally at a place of enough economic stability that I can join a gym.. so.. that's exactly what I did. Hooray!

I'll be the first to admit that I have been.. more so recently... lazy in my workouts. There is no excuse for this.

If my body is a temple - I should take better care of it.
Right?

As I focus on making my heart clean and my thoughts pure via Jesus... I'm happy to finally not have an excuse to be lazy on keeping my body fit - to align with the concept of cleansing/purity for all aspects of my life.

It might seem stupid to you.. this idea of how I compare keeping a good physical body as well as spiritual mindset.. but hey - it works for me.

Question. Is it just me.. or do you tend to reflect a lot when you are at the gym.

Maybe I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now.... understatement of the year?

Good thing God is in control bc... I alone.. am nothing without Him.

God is Amazing

It's not about me, it's about Him.

Though I falter and break, I am constantly pushing towards Christ and it's so great pushing towards Him alongside family. Thanks to everyone in my life that is there for me, keeping me on point and just showing me grace personified through relational interactions.

I took this photo in WV yesterday.
My heart is thankful for this image being in my memory bank. (along with several more from this weekend... of course. I had a great time!)
Rad:
-rd trips (hours of bonding)
-getting to know people better (and sincerely wanting to know more)
-learning something new (snowboarding)
-not giving up on learning something new (see above)
-building upon existing friendships (always awesome)
-new scene (snow.. beautiful)
-random mini-adventures (getting lost)
-making dinner (being creative)
-playing games (hanging out)
-and the best part: God being the center of it all. Truly, this is how everything is meant to be.

Now, you can add this to your memory bank too.. bc.. umm... God is quite the painter.





Praise Up.

it's the little things..

that get you going sometimes.
I live for the little things in life.



So normally, I would not have taken the time to:
a)email myself a picture from my phone
b)amp it up
c)post it on here

but it was a rather special tree so I figured I would go for it.

I found much beauty in this tree. On my 10 minute break, I came outside to be near it. The tree, me, a pen and paper... yes, it's moments like this make my heart warm. You know.. what I mean? The weather.. so comfortably confused between warm and windy....then God flat out inspires me through this image of his hands. I dig when my eyes truly open to nature. Not just the wow of the ocean, the sky... but as simplistic as the pedal on the daisy, in the flower bed, by the door. Amazing.

If you read my long post from a week or so ago, you know ive been thinking a lot about identity and spiritual gifts lately. I've made a lot of ground in getting into the heart of Christ in me and what I 'bring to the table' so to speak. To be honest, that is the part I struggle with the most.

On a similar note: I will say that I have that 'things are falling into place' kinda vibe. And... it's such a refreshing/comforting feeling. Columbia feels good to me right now. (it's never really felt like 'home' to me before but God is calling me to be here and I get that now. I hear it and I respect it.)

I feel called for something and I listen.. but it's not clear to me yet. All I know is that right now - I'm called to BE in Columbia. I'm called to BE at my new job. (even though I have never had any desire to be in this type of industry...im learning that with this job - it's a great opportunity to help people and witness and that's pretty rad..)

I still remember sitting in my room thinking, "maybe I'll move back to Sumter.." I broke down and thought about packing up. In that moment, I asked God about it and a few hours later.. I got a job offer I couldn't refuse. Timing is so key in our lives, isn't it. God's Time. Not Kristie's Time. Sometimes I think I own the clock of life but in reality, I can barely wrap my mind around the concept.

This blog is getting longer than I planned. I need to go study.

Oh, sidebar: I know 5 people that have gotten engaged over the last month. CRAZY. And I'm in two weddings coming up here soon. And now, I have a few friends in new relationships - good, healthy, God-Centered relationships and Im super happy for all of them. Yet I had a convo with someone who was quite bitter on the relationship topic and so.. if you are bitter... here is something to think about:

I'm sorry if you were ever in a bad, unhealthy relationship. I've been there. I know, it sucks. Don't let that person crumble your spirit - it wasn't right, obviously. Hopefully you can take it as a learning experience. On the other hand, if you were in a good relationship, again ive been there too, and it still didnt work out.. that means.. it still wasnt right.

You see for me - I've never had a truly healthy relationship. What do I mean by that? Where was God? He was in my heart, not in his. Are we still friends? Oh yah, most def. Were we meant/designed for each other? Not at all.

If you are bitter, just think about it more deeply.
Are YOU ready? Is your heart in the right place. Are you truly pushing yourself to grow as you are OK with the gift of singleness?
And if you are...
then guess what. Maybe he isn't ready yet. Maybe he still has to work out some issues that you don't know about. IDK?!

Point: Trust in God's timing. It's sucha hard thing to do sometimes, esp when we have desires in our hearts. For me? I've got faith. I'm def OK with resting in God's timing and blessings. He provides for us even when we take Him for granted. The purity of grace.

Ok, I'll wrap with this: if it helps you: make a "dating profile" to clarify your vision. Scripture backs this uppppp. Prov 29:18

This is getting super real here but I'm so serious about people having a healthy perspective, Ima share a few of mine with you. I made this in 2007 and it's still true bc I refuse to settle.

-believes in God. 2 Cor 6:14. <-- Tru Story.
-a Spiritual Leader. a must, must, must.
-someone I respect and can show that respect to. someone I can build up and encourage. Serve alongside.
-someone I can trust and confront in grace when it calls for it.
-someone with passion, energy and uses it in a positive way
-must have a sense of humor, im kinda sarcastic.. so im a fan of friendly banter and clever wit.. i appreciate it.
-must love music. not nec the same kinda music but music. a lil bit of dance involved would be a SWEET plus since both are passions of mine
-must care about fitness (working out, being healthy without hardcore crazy about it bc.. i make cookies.. and stuff.. when the mode strikes)
-doesnt mind coffee shops bc i like to freq them
-totally down with traveling
-of course, at this point in the list - the natural attraction is there
-etc. that's all ya get.


ok, I exposed myself in text only as needed to stress a point. girls talk with girls, guys talk with guys. have accountability in matters of your heart. pray together.

and plz, be intentional. if you like a girl/guy - respect their heart and be intentional. im all about taking it slow and getting to know someone but just dont be 'that person' that turns on the ego and rolls with it to whoever is nearby to be in the fan club. i will never fake any signs of potential in something when there is none. there is just no need to hurt someones heart or your own for that matter. keep it real and legit.

Get yo' vision.
If someone comes to mind after thinking, writing, praying about this.
Pray some more - God knows the desires of your heart.
Let him do his thing but make sure to listen if he tells ya to step up.
(ive heard so many stories lately about fear holding ppl down.. let go, Let God. Not to be cheese.. but c'mon, be real)


That said.. here are a few more 'out of context' teacherisms from class today:

"the monkey of responsibility"
"a gate keeper, like in ghostbuster"
"i kissed that. i kept is super simple"
"alright, lets talk... as jay leno would say"
"ET was an alien"
"until the cows come home from texas"
"i got you in lock down"
"bonified"

a day just like any other..

... only it wasnt.

Today at 7:45am I sat in a classroom with 7 other young professionals.. all with the desire of passing our Insurance Boards on Friday.

One week. 10 hours a day. LOTS OF INFORMATION. You don't even know the half ot it. It's pretty intense. The most shocking part of today was the fact that I didn't fall asleep during the lectures. I drank nasty coffee, covered my hands with ink and highlighter, and listened to a prof throw what seemed like a 1000 new terms at my face... and I was seemingly ok with it all.

background: I'm not going to be selling insurance but I do work in the industry "assisting in sales" so they want me to take the boards as a way to give me a clear understanding of the big picture.. and the 100000000 details that go along with it.

Needless, I made it through the day. Thank goodness I have a quirky teacher that entertains my typically easily distracted nature.
Her catch phrases included:
"ive been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it - ok"
"guys and gals"
"the monkey agent on your back, pullin ya down"
"yo, im cool with that"
"it is what it is" ---- always in response to how intense this course is.

Not to mention she rocked a sweet 80s hairstyle!


So thanks for the prayers - it's def helping. Please continue to pray for my mind to be sponge-like this week as I try to study/retain as much as possible... and of course, pass the final.


I'd be nice to go somewhere for a bit, like grab a coffee but.. I know that would distract my online practice test taking time.


Things to do...
1)figure out how to email this application bc im ready to send
2)study
3)work-out
4)study
5)coffee
6)quiet time
7)study until i pass out

but first.. music and breathing.

who am i to defend

the fist that holds this pen.

putting a brief response into a single line space format is hard for me. i have issues with verbal vomit and though im working on limiting details.. it's just not my style. my poetic nature slips and it's hard to refrain. you might have to 'know' me to know what i mean. I wish sometimes I could be cut/dry.

that might not make much sense, or matter much and im ok with that.. just note that it bothers me that i struggle in appreciating my ability to be poetic. when someone asks me a question - i will answer as i see fit to be answered. that can be with one word, two words, or 1,000 words but let the record show that i will be honest with my response wichever the case may be.

on the way home

"..this car hears my confessions.

I think tonight I'll take the long way"

im a visual person

so to go along with my lifegroup/identity blog:

Here is a visual of the beautiful souls I kick it with.