decode

As the title of this may suggest, I've been on a Paramore kick the last few days.

Don't you wish that you could just buy a box of cracker jax (forgive the cliche) and find the awesome prize of.. ta daaa: a decoder ring! Only.. it serves as a ring of truth. zing!

Yeah, I know that sounds kinda childish.
The whole idea of being being honest with ourselves as well as others.
I've come to realize that most people are only as honest as they are expected to be.
That is prolly the most emo thing I've said in a while.

I think truth/honesty is SUPER important.

That being said - I feel like the idea of honesty is something super hard for most Christians. Doesn't that seem ironic? I think it's because of the misguided pressures that we put upon ourselves. When we think things are all about us - we compare ourselves to others in such a way that creates major internal/spiritual problems. The hope to break from that pattern comes from praying for forgiveness, humility and to trust God with everything. In the same way, if we go around thinking it's all about us - and we dont re-channel our perceptive through grace and what that means in our relationship to Christ - we are left feeling guilty, sinful and worthless. I say.. repent and focus on how that can change. Lay your burdens at the cross. Jesus loves us and through his blood, we are saved. How awesome. It's nothing WE did but yet His favor is upon us... we are adopted into His kingdom.. sweetness. So lets be honest with ourselves and realize it's not about us.. bc that is the honest truth.

I have such respect for honesty.

just. do. it.

I'm finally at a place of enough economic stability that I can join a gym.. so.. that's exactly what I did. Hooray!

I'll be the first to admit that I have been.. more so recently... lazy in my workouts. There is no excuse for this.

If my body is a temple - I should take better care of it.
Right?

As I focus on making my heart clean and my thoughts pure via Jesus... I'm happy to finally not have an excuse to be lazy on keeping my body fit - to align with the concept of cleansing/purity for all aspects of my life.

It might seem stupid to you.. this idea of how I compare keeping a good physical body as well as spiritual mindset.. but hey - it works for me.

Question. Is it just me.. or do you tend to reflect a lot when you are at the gym.

Maybe I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now.... understatement of the year?

Good thing God is in control bc... I alone.. am nothing without Him.

God is Amazing

It's not about me, it's about Him.

Though I falter and break, I am constantly pushing towards Christ and it's so great pushing towards Him alongside family. Thanks to everyone in my life that is there for me, keeping me on point and just showing me grace personified through relational interactions.

I took this photo in WV yesterday.
My heart is thankful for this image being in my memory bank. (along with several more from this weekend... of course. I had a great time!)
Rad:
-rd trips (hours of bonding)
-getting to know people better (and sincerely wanting to know more)
-learning something new (snowboarding)
-not giving up on learning something new (see above)
-building upon existing friendships (always awesome)
-new scene (snow.. beautiful)
-random mini-adventures (getting lost)
-making dinner (being creative)
-playing games (hanging out)
-and the best part: God being the center of it all. Truly, this is how everything is meant to be.

Now, you can add this to your memory bank too.. bc.. umm... God is quite the painter.





Praise Up.

it's the little things..

that get you going sometimes.
I live for the little things in life.



So normally, I would not have taken the time to:
a)email myself a picture from my phone
b)amp it up
c)post it on here

but it was a rather special tree so I figured I would go for it.

I found much beauty in this tree. On my 10 minute break, I came outside to be near it. The tree, me, a pen and paper... yes, it's moments like this make my heart warm. You know.. what I mean? The weather.. so comfortably confused between warm and windy....then God flat out inspires me through this image of his hands. I dig when my eyes truly open to nature. Not just the wow of the ocean, the sky... but as simplistic as the pedal on the daisy, in the flower bed, by the door. Amazing.

If you read my long post from a week or so ago, you know ive been thinking a lot about identity and spiritual gifts lately. I've made a lot of ground in getting into the heart of Christ in me and what I 'bring to the table' so to speak. To be honest, that is the part I struggle with the most.

On a similar note: I will say that I have that 'things are falling into place' kinda vibe. And... it's such a refreshing/comforting feeling. Columbia feels good to me right now. (it's never really felt like 'home' to me before but God is calling me to be here and I get that now. I hear it and I respect it.)

I feel called for something and I listen.. but it's not clear to me yet. All I know is that right now - I'm called to BE in Columbia. I'm called to BE at my new job. (even though I have never had any desire to be in this type of industry...im learning that with this job - it's a great opportunity to help people and witness and that's pretty rad..)

I still remember sitting in my room thinking, "maybe I'll move back to Sumter.." I broke down and thought about packing up. In that moment, I asked God about it and a few hours later.. I got a job offer I couldn't refuse. Timing is so key in our lives, isn't it. God's Time. Not Kristie's Time. Sometimes I think I own the clock of life but in reality, I can barely wrap my mind around the concept.

This blog is getting longer than I planned. I need to go study.

Oh, sidebar: I know 5 people that have gotten engaged over the last month. CRAZY. And I'm in two weddings coming up here soon. And now, I have a few friends in new relationships - good, healthy, God-Centered relationships and Im super happy for all of them. Yet I had a convo with someone who was quite bitter on the relationship topic and so.. if you are bitter... here is something to think about:

I'm sorry if you were ever in a bad, unhealthy relationship. I've been there. I know, it sucks. Don't let that person crumble your spirit - it wasn't right, obviously. Hopefully you can take it as a learning experience. On the other hand, if you were in a good relationship, again ive been there too, and it still didnt work out.. that means.. it still wasnt right.

You see for me - I've never had a truly healthy relationship. What do I mean by that? Where was God? He was in my heart, not in his. Are we still friends? Oh yah, most def. Were we meant/designed for each other? Not at all.

If you are bitter, just think about it more deeply.
Are YOU ready? Is your heart in the right place. Are you truly pushing yourself to grow as you are OK with the gift of singleness?
And if you are...
then guess what. Maybe he isn't ready yet. Maybe he still has to work out some issues that you don't know about. IDK?!

Point: Trust in God's timing. It's sucha hard thing to do sometimes, esp when we have desires in our hearts. For me? I've got faith. I'm def OK with resting in God's timing and blessings. He provides for us even when we take Him for granted. The purity of grace.

Ok, I'll wrap with this: if it helps you: make a "dating profile" to clarify your vision. Scripture backs this uppppp. Prov 29:18

This is getting super real here but I'm so serious about people having a healthy perspective, Ima share a few of mine with you. I made this in 2007 and it's still true bc I refuse to settle.

-believes in God. 2 Cor 6:14. <-- Tru Story.
-a Spiritual Leader. a must, must, must.
-someone I respect and can show that respect to. someone I can build up and encourage. Serve alongside.
-someone I can trust and confront in grace when it calls for it.
-someone with passion, energy and uses it in a positive way
-must have a sense of humor, im kinda sarcastic.. so im a fan of friendly banter and clever wit.. i appreciate it.
-must love music. not nec the same kinda music but music. a lil bit of dance involved would be a SWEET plus since both are passions of mine
-must care about fitness (working out, being healthy without hardcore crazy about it bc.. i make cookies.. and stuff.. when the mode strikes)
-doesnt mind coffee shops bc i like to freq them
-totally down with traveling
-of course, at this point in the list - the natural attraction is there
-etc. that's all ya get.


ok, I exposed myself in text only as needed to stress a point. girls talk with girls, guys talk with guys. have accountability in matters of your heart. pray together.

and plz, be intentional. if you like a girl/guy - respect their heart and be intentional. im all about taking it slow and getting to know someone but just dont be 'that person' that turns on the ego and rolls with it to whoever is nearby to be in the fan club. i will never fake any signs of potential in something when there is none. there is just no need to hurt someones heart or your own for that matter. keep it real and legit.

Get yo' vision.
If someone comes to mind after thinking, writing, praying about this.
Pray some more - God knows the desires of your heart.
Let him do his thing but make sure to listen if he tells ya to step up.
(ive heard so many stories lately about fear holding ppl down.. let go, Let God. Not to be cheese.. but c'mon, be real)


That said.. here are a few more 'out of context' teacherisms from class today:

"the monkey of responsibility"
"a gate keeper, like in ghostbuster"
"i kissed that. i kept is super simple"
"alright, lets talk... as jay leno would say"
"ET was an alien"
"until the cows come home from texas"
"i got you in lock down"
"bonified"

a day just like any other..

... only it wasnt.

Today at 7:45am I sat in a classroom with 7 other young professionals.. all with the desire of passing our Insurance Boards on Friday.

One week. 10 hours a day. LOTS OF INFORMATION. You don't even know the half ot it. It's pretty intense. The most shocking part of today was the fact that I didn't fall asleep during the lectures. I drank nasty coffee, covered my hands with ink and highlighter, and listened to a prof throw what seemed like a 1000 new terms at my face... and I was seemingly ok with it all.

background: I'm not going to be selling insurance but I do work in the industry "assisting in sales" so they want me to take the boards as a way to give me a clear understanding of the big picture.. and the 100000000 details that go along with it.

Needless, I made it through the day. Thank goodness I have a quirky teacher that entertains my typically easily distracted nature.
Her catch phrases included:
"ive been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it - ok"
"guys and gals"
"the monkey agent on your back, pullin ya down"
"yo, im cool with that"
"it is what it is" ---- always in response to how intense this course is.

Not to mention she rocked a sweet 80s hairstyle!


So thanks for the prayers - it's def helping. Please continue to pray for my mind to be sponge-like this week as I try to study/retain as much as possible... and of course, pass the final.


I'd be nice to go somewhere for a bit, like grab a coffee but.. I know that would distract my online practice test taking time.


Things to do...
1)figure out how to email this application bc im ready to send
2)study
3)work-out
4)study
5)coffee
6)quiet time
7)study until i pass out

but first.. music and breathing.

who am i to defend

the fist that holds this pen.

putting a brief response into a single line space format is hard for me. i have issues with verbal vomit and though im working on limiting details.. it's just not my style. my poetic nature slips and it's hard to refrain. you might have to 'know' me to know what i mean. I wish sometimes I could be cut/dry.

that might not make much sense, or matter much and im ok with that.. just note that it bothers me that i struggle in appreciating my ability to be poetic. when someone asks me a question - i will answer as i see fit to be answered. that can be with one word, two words, or 1,000 words but let the record show that i will be honest with my response wichever the case may be.

on the way home

"..this car hears my confessions.

I think tonight I'll take the long way"

im a visual person

so to go along with my lifegroup/identity blog:

Here is a visual of the beautiful souls I kick it with.

Identity and LifeGroup

From.. midtown.. family vacay.... and my own searching.. I have combined some thoughts/questions alongside some notes of what I've discovered in my quiet times. If you care to read, by all means. I had time today to blog this out. I continue to strengthen my relationship with God and wow, the idea of identity in Christ clicks now more than ever. He is doing some awesome things in my life - praise up.

Topic: Identity:
1)Describe who you are:
2)Describe what you think about who you are:
3)How do you think your view of self align with how God views you?
4)Do you TRUST God, how He made you, what he created you to do?

Three things we MUST know:
God is the Creator, God loves us, God is good aka Awesome aka Rad aka Stellar.

Identity issues stem from either Self-loathing or Pride:

The below terms as defended by dictionary.com/website:

"Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc."

"Self-Loathing: a pattern of thinking where individuals believe they are bad, worthless, evil, unsuccessful, unlovable, and/or incompetent"

Both are Sin. It's important to understand which way you come from and work through this with family. 1 Corinthians 12: 21-26

How does your self-pity/pride affect the family?

Ways we can transform our minds:
1) Experience divine power through relationships
2) Strive together toward maturity in Christ.

Ex. LifeGroup:
We have formed an authentic community in which we deeply trust each other. We spur one another onward toward spiritual growth through trying to be Christ-minded and we show that to each other in measures of love and accountability. We think believers need to seek greater understanding of sin's dynamic in their lives. We don't run away from sin issues but rather, we battle and overcome them together. We deal with the core/root issues - not ignoring the potential blind spots or obstacles that may stunt our spiritual well-being. Through our biblical community be it LifeGroup/Church fam as a whole - we must not forget the issues we often forget are issues: self-loathing and pride. We must strive (for ourselves as well as our brothers/sisters) to see seek identity in Christ. To experience this intimate community in the biblical sense, we must reveal ourselves in a way that is honest, free, thoughtful, and intentional.

"…knowing your identity in Christ so that you can make yourself known to others in a Christian community so that you can pursue a lifetime of growth in the context of community so that you are best equipped to glorify Christ by serving others… to understand our need for transformation, we must understand who we are currently, both as individuals and as members of the body of Christ"

Just some things I've been thinking about.

Daily Bread

So tonight I went to get some dinner and conversate with some friends.
For the record, I'm always up for coffee, zucchini, cookies, dance and conversation. No - those elements should not nec. be combined together - but you get the picture.

So, while at dinner - there were 3 tables of midtown peeps - better known as my family - (why have I not blogged about family vacation yet?!) and it was totally cool to see friendly faces as I awaited my zucchini.

So, while we were all sitting at our respected tables.. in walks yet another friendly face. He walked in and went to each of our tables to say hello. I wanted him to come and sit with us but he said he had somewhere to be and after a big hug, he went out the door on his way.

Moments later the waitress came up to us and asked us if we knew "that guy" and then she asked, "was he bothering you?"

We all said, "yes, we know him - and no, he wasn't bothering anyone..."
and the waitress said, "he used to come here all the time.. sit around like a bum"

Then a member of my family looked at the waitress and said, "he has changed"
The waitress responded with, "Well, I can tell he changed, I can see a big difference. I haven't even seen him in a long time, he seems like a different person"

And our response, "he is different, he found/has God"

To change.
To be a light in the darkness.
To let your story be a testiment to His purpose, grace, glory and salvation.
What a great opportunity of conversation to be had after such a powerful moment.

Great night at the grilled-t.

Dart Test

i posted this via facebook a while back but never on here.. so if you havent read this.. go for it. this will def give ya a lil sumthin to think about. it struck something in me, i hope it does the same for you.

Dart Test...

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith . She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry , and he would allow them to throw darts at the person' s picture.

Sally ' s friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn ' t have a chance to throw any darts at her target.. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus.
A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.

Dr. Smith said only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me . '
Matthew 25:40.

No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.




I know right?

I don't understand

...how people can be so distant and cold?
it breaks my heart.

So I talked to my Mom tonight and she told me a story that upset me.

An auntie of mine that lives up in Boston had an accident recently. She took a spill and fell down at a train station in the morning prier to work. She has to take the train to work.. not many people actually drive to their respected jobs that live up there bc of traffic. Anyway - she fell horribly and could not get up because the pain was so incredible.

Nobody - nobody - nobody came to her side and helped her when she fell.
People went on their way - passed by her - let her lay - on the dirty ground - in pain. As she asked for help, people continued on their merry way as if nothing was going on.

WHAT? Hearing this story lit. made me feel sick to my stomach.

Finally a girl walked by that helped my aunt up. - Thank God for her.
Turns out, my auntie broke her leg.. hence why she could not get up on her own.

I'm sorry but are you kidding me?
How hard is it to take 5 seconds and help someone in need.
How can you be so blind and ignorant?

God, please continue to give me your love for humanity. Give me your arms for the broken hearted - please reach the people who are walking around dead inside, focused on themselves and their identity in their jobs - the people that have no love or compassion for anyone but themselves. The people who refuse to have their status dented by being seen with certain people. Help me to turn this bitter feeling into a prayer for hope to be spread on those busy streets. Bless those that are good Samaritans in my life that I take for granted.

Amen.

I need the smell of summer...

...i need it's noises in my ears.

So, the audio and video never really match up when I post any vids on here via the blogger uploader but none the less - it is the blog of the day. Allow it to mess with your head that it doesn't match up. Oh blogger.

Oh snap.. fo'real?

Yes, it finally happened.

My trusty razr cellular device has seen better days.
(...to state the obvious)
That's right, it finally broke into two pieces. The last two years of constant dropping and falling out of my pocket have caught up with me. The ironic fact of the matter is... I can't really be mad or upset about this situation.
Why? Oh... because it still works!

In it's sad lil two piece way, it somehow refuses to give up complete hope. I admire the will of this trusty gadget. The vein/lifeline/tiny wire needed for the "connection" still remains... holding the two parts together in a purely ghetto fasion. Perphaps it's fitting. It's got my emo sad and my thug gangsta all in one hot pink mess... and to talk on the phone... well, that's just a sight you'd have to see. Alas, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Cute.

Well, my contract is supposed to be up in Feb. I hope that I can up that to.. umm.. this weekend. We'll see...

til then... fear not... you may still call/text/whateves... just know that I'll be awkwardly silly... wherever I am.. responding to you =p

-kp-

Coffee? Always.

Today I write you from a cliché type of environment.

Yes, I am the girl in the corner, being emotastic - listening to music, drinking my Starbucks, reflecting on the day.

Firstly, allow me to vent about my night. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was held captive to my thoughts in such a way that I could not fall asleep. I struggle with insomnia most of the time but this was different. This was beyond border-line annoying. I wish I could succumb to the idea of taking medications to help drift me off to sleep.. but alas, that is just not my style.

Around 3am I pulled out the yoga mat and did some relaxation salutations hoping I could, at best, achieve a yoga nap. (if you’ve never had one, you are missing out)

Well, no nap.

I do have a lot of things on my mind so I guess for now, I'll chalk being alert up to that. Don't get me wrong, it’s all good things, thoughts and notions. No bad situations or worry currently reside in my brain or heart. For once, I actually have this feeling like everything is finally starting to come together for me. I am attracted to feeling this way and I am super excited about it.

In hour two of Family Matters, I started thinking about my upcoming trip to Florida. Gosh, I love to travel. I wish I could travel more. I really do. If I could just spend a year or so… traveling… oh wow… what that would do for my spirit would be nothing short of amazing. I’ve only been out of the country a few times but I’m itching to fill up my backpack and hit the road. Thus, I’ve been thinking about traveling a lot lately and with that, I would really like to go on a mission trip this year. I feel like my passions being brought together is something that should happen more often than not.

I want to go on a mission trip.(hopefully this year)
I want to travel. (always.. it's in my blood to explore)
I want to spread the word of God. (whenever opportunity presents itself)

The best mission trip I went on was in Renoysa, Mexico. I was there for about 2 weeks and it broke me in the most beautiful of ways. It was emotionally and psychically demanding - but - wow. I can't even put into words the give and take of what I got out of the trip and what I was able to do while I was there.

I hope God will reveal an opportunity like that again soon.
If there is a will - there is a way.

Alright, I’ve been at Starbucks for a while now.. I think I’ll hit the road and put a temporary clamp on my love for writing. Did I mention this mocho lite frap is making my day? Or that my bangs being back makes me happy? Or that when the sunshine touches my skin I want to do a lil dance?

Laugh at me. My meter ran out a few minutes ago so I moved from being emo to being artistic. Now I’m sitting in a corner but in the front near the window so I can watch my jeep. If I see a meter reader, consider me going for an impromptu jog out the door.

And if anyone actually reads my blog posts,
I hope you are having equally rad if not more rad day than I.

On your mark, get set...

Go!

I've been busy lately with mixing songs and coming up with fun choreography. And through this process, I've realized how much I really miss dance and cheerleading. I would love to get back into something like that again. In 2009, I hope to join a gym (I've been without one for a short while due to money) and I will be doing the hiphop workout/dance combo classes for sure. Maybe that will feed my need for now. It's hard when you do something you love for... 17 years.... and then it just stops.

*Tip: Audacity is my audio-mixer of choice*

ps. I'm going to Florida in 2 days and I couldn't be more excited!

It takes me back

I can officially give a shout-out to Christmas Day. Praise! :-D

So, I did the usual candle light Christmas Eve service at church and henceforth, I'm about to share some thoughts.

a) When we walked into the sanctuary.. music was playing through the speakers. Uhm, that has never happened. And to top it off, it was the stellar Hillsong with Mighty to Save! It was strange for me because this is a very traditional church body and for a long time, they were anti-anything but tradition. Back in the day, I had several people frown at me when I would introduce new forms of worship. Either way, it's totally cool. If it works, it works. It was just cool to know that these people are finally understanding if not appreciating different forms of praise.

b) Some little girls I used to teach.. are now graduating high school. They sang tonight. I am a creature of observation and in that - while one girl was doing her solo.. I focused on her father's face as he listened to her sing. (Mary Did You Know) He listened with his eyes closed and a passion for the words she sang. Yes, I almost lost it. I seriously caught myself moved to the point of tears. A beautiful moment. This man later came up to me and said a big hello and Merry Christmas. (and I don't really know how he even knew my name to be honest. He never came to church when I went)
-When I left my hometown to move to cola, I prayed that I would leave a pebble of motivation/energy behind... and at this moment, I felt that perhaps I did leave a bit of something to the youth. Maybe it was just in giving them courage to seek a voice within the family. I know getting to sing probably wasn't easy, but they did it. And in turn, they will help motivate the next group coming through.

c)After the service, I ventured upstairs to my old stomping grounds. I went to my old Sunday School room and upon entering the door.. a smell hit me like a ton of bricks. It's the smell of old people, books, stale star crunches, dr. thunder spillage, dry eraser markers... and.. oddly enough... I adore this smell. I know it sounds spectacular as all get out but.. it takes me back. I walked into the room and just stood there...alone.. reflecting on who I was then and who I am now. I like having deep conversations with others but every now and again, I like to have a good one with myself too.

And a side-note that is unrelated to moments of reflections...
I now own a sweet new camera!! I had no idea... this was a huge huge huge bit of awesomeness that added to my day. My previous camera struggles. haha. And being as though I love taking pics... t'was a magical gift. And it's pink ;-)

I'm not a shark, I'm a jet.

(pre-reading note: I realize that when I give shout-outs I type directly to the person, so in case my thoughts are ever read by anyone I shout-out to.. they will have my direct words. Done)

Saying my week started off badly would be an understatement.
Saying my week ended off better than I could have imagined would also be an understatement.

Say Whaaat?

So, if you know me at all - or you read my twitter/fb/or blog.. you know that the car accident wrecked my brain and wallet almost more than the jeep itself.

Well, here is my update post that messy, foggy, Tuesday night...

I took a much needed road trip with some of my friends aka family and we ventured to see Taking Back Sunday in North Carolina. Holla! I had a great time getting to know each of the people on the trip better and the concert itself was fun/off-the-chain. Mellie and Callie, my LG, my sisters, my straight legit bond. I always enjoy spending time with you both. Mellie, you're a great bestie and I love you muchly. You have a huge part of my heart. Callie, you are like a sister and I enjoy the times we have to hang out as our friendship contines to grow. Mikey and Jwhite, I group y'all together because when I think of the trip.. I think of you both being hilarious.. together. The combined antics would make anyone laugh aloud and forget their troubles. Thanks for that! And Bailey, truth be told, I think you're pretty rad. I had a blast hanging out with you. ps thanks again for being awesome in making sure I didn't get lost in the mix during the concert!!!

I'm glad everything worked out. God Rules. Word.

Ok, in keeping with the good vibe.. the next morning I woke up to a phone call that I had been eagerly awaiting for. Yes, it finally happened! After 3 long months of doing odd modeling jobs and going on countless interviews to try to find a place to work.. I finally got the job offer I had been praying for! YES. Words can't fully describe how pure the salt was that ran down my cheeks as I gladly accepted the position.

Thus:
Thank you everyone that has stood by me, supported me and prayed for me.
You each mean so much to me and I hope that in some way/shape/form.. I repay you 10 fold. I would do anything for any of you, please know that you can come to me for anything. My phone is on 24/7 and if I don't answer, I will call you back.

I wish I could expose more feeling into this blog because I have a lot in my heart but... I'll save that for those one-on-one opportunities.. bc that's what it's about afterall.

-KP-

4am

Isn't it Ironic.. don't ya think?

So, tonight I met my Life Group out for dinner. T'was rad as per usual and I left feeling good and excited for the rd trip some of us are going on tmwr. (to see one of my all time fav bands) And I thought to myself, "hey self, lets go ahead and fill up the gas tank so you have one less thing to do tomorrow"

So I'm driving down the rd, looking for the cheapest gas I can find. After realizing I had gone pretty far out and seen all of my options, I pulled into a turn lane to... well.. turn around.

I look to my right.. cars are off in the distance. (one direction road)
I turn left.
I drive.
I hear screeching tires on the ground.
I tense up.
BAM.
I feel a quick, jerking to my car and I quickly try to get off of the road as to not get in the way of anyone else driving.

Yep, I was hit.

Now, here comes the ironic part.
I have been very hesitant on driving on this rd trip tomorrow because we have 6 people and I have 5 seats in my car (as most cars) and I was thinking... strangely a lot.. about how unsafe that is. About how I was broke and couldn't afford a ticket (for not having enough seat belts) as well as.. safety.. what IF something happened.

And oh my, it happened.
Only just to me.
Which I prefer. I don't want to endanger my friends/family.

I've never been in an accident before (with me driving)
much less have someone claim it was my fault and thusly.. I got charged with a REDICK fine that I can't pay and 4pts on my license.

The guy in the van that hit me... well.. his car is crazy wrecked. His passenger door was about hanging off, mirror cracked.. the list goes on and on.

So.
I feel in my gut that God is telling me:
a) never compromise what you feel is wrong for you
b) listen to that voice telling you it's not a good idea, it's me talking here
c) it was a sign that maybe if I did drive tmwr, something worse could've happened... esp due to my extreme caution. (you know when you are over careful.. something typically happens. Just sucks bc I am an awesome driver, ugh)

It's funny how not all messages apply to all people.
For ex. I've ridden.. and driven.. countless times.. with people "improperly placed" and it's never sunk in with me as a bad idea. Just this week. How odd. It's like I knew something was going to happen.. just not what or when.

Now, now I have a horrible pain in my neck, shoulders, right arm, right leg and lower back to prove to me.. just how important seat belts are and how for me, I can't go with something I feel in my inner gut is not cool.

It's 4am and the pain is a bit much.
Job interview early.


oh OH the best part.
After the police cleared us to drive into a parking lot (it was dark as mess outside.. and yes it took the police 45 minutes to get there) guess where we were....

A Funeral Home.

Dear God,

I got your message.

A ticket is minor compared to a worse alternative,

Thanks,

KP

reflections

Reflections of a Broken Heart.


I found out some news recently that has left me feeling helpless, broken and confused. My Mom received a bad flu shot recently which has left her with neuropathy problems. The shot went too deeply into her skin and it has left her with a constant full body tingling sensation. Seriously, it never stops. And at moments, it gets painful for her. She never complains about it but you can see the look on her face and it breaks my heart. What kills me more is that she had to get the flu shot because she is a teacher, all the teachers got shots that day. Yet, she is the only one left with issues she will now have for the rest of her life. She was told that there is no cure for this problem. I want to prove them wrong.

If I could take her place, I would. I would jump into her body and I would give her mine to keep. She is the most amazing person I've ever met in my life and I am fortunate to call her my Mother. I would do anything for her, without second thought or hesitation. She is my best friend, mentor, and mother. I am lucky in this, I am beyond blessed.

Why is she so awesome?
At the gas station as I was leaving to come back to cola, I felt sad and couldn't help but cry. I tried to be strong but I couldn't figure out why this amazing woman of God would have this happen to her. She touches so many lives daily.. I wish you knew... and for her to now be in pain/discomfort... it kills me.

She saw my tears, made a joke to make me smile.. but then looked at me and said.
"Do no worry for God had a reason. I'll be ok. Trust and have faith."

If you need a positive role model in your life. I'll give you her number.

I just wish I could do something. Feeling helpless and emotionally weak isn't helping matters. I had a long talk with God and I'm working through this with prayer. Maybe they can find a cure or some sort of medicine to help ease this.

I love her.
Any prayers for her would be muchly appreciated.


Meanwhile, I need a new job ASAP. If you know of any place hiring, keep me posted plzzzzz!