Tuesday, November 20, 2007

teardrops on my guitar

".. the only one that's got enough of me to break my heart.."

Ever go swimming in the ocean on a nice, warm, summer day?
You feel energized and refreshed as the cool water splashes against your thirsty skin…

Ever go swimming in the ocean and the moment you close your eyes a giant wave consumes you and before you know it, you can’t breathe… your eyes burn… you taste salt and despair... feeling alone and helpless…

Welcome to last night.

I ran into several people I knew last night when I ventured out on the town. One person I had not seen in 6 years, one person I had not seen in 2 years, another a mere month or two and another friend I just saw the day before. Did I mention I was there with none of those people.. I was actually there with some people I had only met an hour prior.

An interesting night to say the least.

Something felt odd about the night, I felt strange. Well, I outta trust my gut more because
the person that is currently disappointed in me and my life.. was there. I guess I walked by a large table of people and he was in the mix. Had I known, I would’ve just stayed outside to avoid any painful emotions. I saw him on leaving. He is someone that stands out and I always admired him for being such an individual. Too bad it’s harsh right now.

I ended up sitting down with 2 guys I went to school with just to catch up. One is engaged and the other is doing well. Time slipped by me and when I checked my cell phone, the texts were nothing short of happy.

I don’t know why I do this to myself. It’s painful and it’s sick to care like I do. Pathetic at best to allow things out of my control to eat away at my sides. .sigh.. friendship means the world to me and the thought of loss is never easy to swallow. Makes me fear ever being in that place again.. but.. sigh..

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