Sunday, November 21, 2010

i am thankful for...

You and y'all.

First and foremost, thanks God for being awesome despite my emo, over-analytical, self-consumed heart. To say that last week sucked would be the biggest understatement of the year. It started with assumptions becoming misunderstandings which led me to feel pretty helpless. ps If gossip had a face - I would punch it.
Lesson: Just because man gives you an opportunity to speak, doesn't mean you should. Seek Truth from the source. Confess and Repent. Always be honest, always.

I lost my job. I felt defeated, humiliated and blindsided not to mention... insecure, discouraged and anxious. I've been praying about my job - where God wants me. He answered my prayer, just not in the way I wanted. Lesson: Desire Humility. Recognize that everything is God's. He can give and He can take away. Appreciate what you do have, esp when times are dark. (I have a new job in a different dept at the same place for right now)

Spiritual warfare. The most intense sleepless night of spiritual warfare that I've ever experienced. I began fighting and reading scripture until the hours passed and I was exhausted. I gave up. I put my Bible down and felt a lack of peace. I walked away doubting what I read and then I was literally pushed down by evil, gasping for Jesus to hear my cry for His mercy on my rebellious soul. When I was finally able to speak and breath, I felt Him. Lesson: God allows us to experience things to teach us important lessons that we need to know. Don't give up. Fight. God is there. He saves. He rescues. He restores your soul.

Next was family group vacay. Honestly, I confess to a part of me not wanting to be in/with community. I wanted to carry on being useless and alone since that's how I felt. Thankfully, God is good and He told me to confess my resistance to Him and friends and repent before Him.

This was one of the best weekends I've had in a really long time. God did work through the 4 guys that spoke, thanks team. Everything about the weekend was epic. Maybe I'll elaborate later on the teaching but for now just know that I am thankful that God is faithful despite my faithlessness. I am thankful that God keeps His promises even though I struggle to trust His Truth. I am thankful that my worth isn't based on what I do but in who I am in Christ. I am thankful that He loves me despite my selfishness of trying to place other things on the throne of my heart when that throne is meant for God alone. All glory is His and not to be shared. I am thankful for His grace that washes me daily in my fight to again see light rather than the darkness that awaits to devour me.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i just want to say thank you for your blog today! It blessed me and put into perspective the things that are truly important, God first, then everything else falls into place! Thank you for the honesty, i was in a similar situation and I felt all those things you described...Tomorrow is another day to change someone's life, love someone, or pray for someone......