decode

As the title of this may suggest, I've been on a Paramore kick the last few days.

Don't you wish that you could just buy a box of cracker jax (forgive the cliche) and find the awesome prize of.. ta daaa: a decoder ring! Only.. it serves as a ring of truth. zing!

Yeah, I know that sounds kinda childish.
The whole idea of being being honest with ourselves as well as others.
I've come to realize that most people are only as honest as they are expected to be.
That is prolly the most emo thing I've said in a while.

I think truth/honesty is SUPER important.

That being said - I feel like the idea of honesty is something super hard for most Christians. Doesn't that seem ironic? I think it's because of the misguided pressures that we put upon ourselves. When we think things are all about us - we compare ourselves to others in such a way that creates major internal/spiritual problems. The hope to break from that pattern comes from praying for forgiveness, humility and to trust God with everything. In the same way, if we go around thinking it's all about us - and we dont re-channel our perceptive through grace and what that means in our relationship to Christ - we are left feeling guilty, sinful and worthless. I say.. repent and focus on how that can change. Lay your burdens at the cross. Jesus loves us and through his blood, we are saved. How awesome. It's nothing WE did but yet His favor is upon us... we are adopted into His kingdom.. sweetness. So lets be honest with ourselves and realize it's not about us.. bc that is the honest truth.

I have such respect for honesty.

just. do. it.

I'm finally at a place of enough economic stability that I can join a gym.. so.. that's exactly what I did. Hooray!

I'll be the first to admit that I have been.. more so recently... lazy in my workouts. There is no excuse for this.

If my body is a temple - I should take better care of it.
Right?

As I focus on making my heart clean and my thoughts pure via Jesus... I'm happy to finally not have an excuse to be lazy on keeping my body fit - to align with the concept of cleansing/purity for all aspects of my life.

It might seem stupid to you.. this idea of how I compare keeping a good physical body as well as spiritual mindset.. but hey - it works for me.

Question. Is it just me.. or do you tend to reflect a lot when you are at the gym.

Maybe I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now.... understatement of the year?

Good thing God is in control bc... I alone.. am nothing without Him.

God is Amazing

It's not about me, it's about Him.

Though I falter and break, I am constantly pushing towards Christ and it's so great pushing towards Him alongside family. Thanks to everyone in my life that is there for me, keeping me on point and just showing me grace personified through relational interactions.

I took this photo in WV yesterday.
My heart is thankful for this image being in my memory bank. (along with several more from this weekend... of course. I had a great time!)
Rad:
-rd trips (hours of bonding)
-getting to know people better (and sincerely wanting to know more)
-learning something new (snowboarding)
-not giving up on learning something new (see above)
-building upon existing friendships (always awesome)
-new scene (snow.. beautiful)
-random mini-adventures (getting lost)
-making dinner (being creative)
-playing games (hanging out)
-and the best part: God being the center of it all. Truly, this is how everything is meant to be.

Now, you can add this to your memory bank too.. bc.. umm... God is quite the painter.





Praise Up.

it's the little things..

that get you going sometimes.
I live for the little things in life.



So normally, I would not have taken the time to:
a)email myself a picture from my phone
b)amp it up
c)post it on here

but it was a rather special tree so I figured I would go for it.

I found much beauty in this tree. On my 10 minute break, I came outside to be near it. The tree, me, a pen and paper... yes, it's moments like this make my heart warm. You know.. what I mean? The weather.. so comfortably confused between warm and windy....then God flat out inspires me through this image of his hands. I dig when my eyes truly open to nature. Not just the wow of the ocean, the sky... but as simplistic as the pedal on the daisy, in the flower bed, by the door. Amazing.

If you read my long post from a week or so ago, you know ive been thinking a lot about identity and spiritual gifts lately. I've made a lot of ground in getting into the heart of Christ in me and what I 'bring to the table' so to speak. To be honest, that is the part I struggle with the most.

On a similar note: I will say that I have that 'things are falling into place' kinda vibe. And... it's such a refreshing/comforting feeling. Columbia feels good to me right now. (it's never really felt like 'home' to me before but God is calling me to be here and I get that now. I hear it and I respect it.)

I feel called for something and I listen.. but it's not clear to me yet. All I know is that right now - I'm called to BE in Columbia. I'm called to BE at my new job. (even though I have never had any desire to be in this type of industry...im learning that with this job - it's a great opportunity to help people and witness and that's pretty rad..)

I still remember sitting in my room thinking, "maybe I'll move back to Sumter.." I broke down and thought about packing up. In that moment, I asked God about it and a few hours later.. I got a job offer I couldn't refuse. Timing is so key in our lives, isn't it. God's Time. Not Kristie's Time. Sometimes I think I own the clock of life but in reality, I can barely wrap my mind around the concept.

This blog is getting longer than I planned. I need to go study.

Oh, sidebar: I know 5 people that have gotten engaged over the last month. CRAZY. And I'm in two weddings coming up here soon. And now, I have a few friends in new relationships - good, healthy, God-Centered relationships and Im super happy for all of them. Yet I had a convo with someone who was quite bitter on the relationship topic and so.. if you are bitter... here is something to think about:

I'm sorry if you were ever in a bad, unhealthy relationship. I've been there. I know, it sucks. Don't let that person crumble your spirit - it wasn't right, obviously. Hopefully you can take it as a learning experience. On the other hand, if you were in a good relationship, again ive been there too, and it still didnt work out.. that means.. it still wasnt right.

You see for me - I've never had a truly healthy relationship. What do I mean by that? Where was God? He was in my heart, not in his. Are we still friends? Oh yah, most def. Were we meant/designed for each other? Not at all.

If you are bitter, just think about it more deeply.
Are YOU ready? Is your heart in the right place. Are you truly pushing yourself to grow as you are OK with the gift of singleness?
And if you are...
then guess what. Maybe he isn't ready yet. Maybe he still has to work out some issues that you don't know about. IDK?!

Point: Trust in God's timing. It's sucha hard thing to do sometimes, esp when we have desires in our hearts. For me? I've got faith. I'm def OK with resting in God's timing and blessings. He provides for us even when we take Him for granted. The purity of grace.

Ok, I'll wrap with this: if it helps you: make a "dating profile" to clarify your vision. Scripture backs this uppppp. Prov 29:18

This is getting super real here but I'm so serious about people having a healthy perspective, Ima share a few of mine with you. I made this in 2007 and it's still true bc I refuse to settle.

-believes in God. 2 Cor 6:14. <-- Tru Story.
-a Spiritual Leader. a must, must, must.
-someone I respect and can show that respect to. someone I can build up and encourage. Serve alongside.
-someone I can trust and confront in grace when it calls for it.
-someone with passion, energy and uses it in a positive way
-must have a sense of humor, im kinda sarcastic.. so im a fan of friendly banter and clever wit.. i appreciate it.
-must love music. not nec the same kinda music but music. a lil bit of dance involved would be a SWEET plus since both are passions of mine
-must care about fitness (working out, being healthy without hardcore crazy about it bc.. i make cookies.. and stuff.. when the mode strikes)
-doesnt mind coffee shops bc i like to freq them
-totally down with traveling
-of course, at this point in the list - the natural attraction is there
-etc. that's all ya get.


ok, I exposed myself in text only as needed to stress a point. girls talk with girls, guys talk with guys. have accountability in matters of your heart. pray together.

and plz, be intentional. if you like a girl/guy - respect their heart and be intentional. im all about taking it slow and getting to know someone but just dont be 'that person' that turns on the ego and rolls with it to whoever is nearby to be in the fan club. i will never fake any signs of potential in something when there is none. there is just no need to hurt someones heart or your own for that matter. keep it real and legit.

Get yo' vision.
If someone comes to mind after thinking, writing, praying about this.
Pray some more - God knows the desires of your heart.
Let him do his thing but make sure to listen if he tells ya to step up.
(ive heard so many stories lately about fear holding ppl down.. let go, Let God. Not to be cheese.. but c'mon, be real)


That said.. here are a few more 'out of context' teacherisms from class today:

"the monkey of responsibility"
"a gate keeper, like in ghostbuster"
"i kissed that. i kept is super simple"
"alright, lets talk... as jay leno would say"
"ET was an alien"
"until the cows come home from texas"
"i got you in lock down"
"bonified"

a day just like any other..

... only it wasnt.

Today at 7:45am I sat in a classroom with 7 other young professionals.. all with the desire of passing our Insurance Boards on Friday.

One week. 10 hours a day. LOTS OF INFORMATION. You don't even know the half ot it. It's pretty intense. The most shocking part of today was the fact that I didn't fall asleep during the lectures. I drank nasty coffee, covered my hands with ink and highlighter, and listened to a prof throw what seemed like a 1000 new terms at my face... and I was seemingly ok with it all.

background: I'm not going to be selling insurance but I do work in the industry "assisting in sales" so they want me to take the boards as a way to give me a clear understanding of the big picture.. and the 100000000 details that go along with it.

Needless, I made it through the day. Thank goodness I have a quirky teacher that entertains my typically easily distracted nature.
Her catch phrases included:
"ive been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it - ok"
"guys and gals"
"the monkey agent on your back, pullin ya down"
"yo, im cool with that"
"it is what it is" ---- always in response to how intense this course is.

Not to mention she rocked a sweet 80s hairstyle!


So thanks for the prayers - it's def helping. Please continue to pray for my mind to be sponge-like this week as I try to study/retain as much as possible... and of course, pass the final.


I'd be nice to go somewhere for a bit, like grab a coffee but.. I know that would distract my online practice test taking time.


Things to do...
1)figure out how to email this application bc im ready to send
2)study
3)work-out
4)study
5)coffee
6)quiet time
7)study until i pass out

but first.. music and breathing.

who am i to defend

the fist that holds this pen.

putting a brief response into a single line space format is hard for me. i have issues with verbal vomit and though im working on limiting details.. it's just not my style. my poetic nature slips and it's hard to refrain. you might have to 'know' me to know what i mean. I wish sometimes I could be cut/dry.

that might not make much sense, or matter much and im ok with that.. just note that it bothers me that i struggle in appreciating my ability to be poetic. when someone asks me a question - i will answer as i see fit to be answered. that can be with one word, two words, or 1,000 words but let the record show that i will be honest with my response wichever the case may be.

on the way home

"..this car hears my confessions.

I think tonight I'll take the long way"

im a visual person

so to go along with my lifegroup/identity blog:

Here is a visual of the beautiful souls I kick it with.

Identity and LifeGroup

From.. midtown.. family vacay.... and my own searching.. I have combined some thoughts/questions alongside some notes of what I've discovered in my quiet times. If you care to read, by all means. I had time today to blog this out. I continue to strengthen my relationship with God and wow, the idea of identity in Christ clicks now more than ever. He is doing some awesome things in my life - praise up.

Topic: Identity:
1)Describe who you are:
2)Describe what you think about who you are:
3)How do you think your view of self align with how God views you?
4)Do you TRUST God, how He made you, what he created you to do?

Three things we MUST know:
God is the Creator, God loves us, God is good aka Awesome aka Rad aka Stellar.

Identity issues stem from either Self-loathing or Pride:

The below terms as defended by dictionary.com/website:

"Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc."

"Self-Loathing: a pattern of thinking where individuals believe they are bad, worthless, evil, unsuccessful, unlovable, and/or incompetent"

Both are Sin. It's important to understand which way you come from and work through this with family. 1 Corinthians 12: 21-26

How does your self-pity/pride affect the family?

Ways we can transform our minds:
1) Experience divine power through relationships
2) Strive together toward maturity in Christ.

Ex. LifeGroup:
We have formed an authentic community in which we deeply trust each other. We spur one another onward toward spiritual growth through trying to be Christ-minded and we show that to each other in measures of love and accountability. We think believers need to seek greater understanding of sin's dynamic in their lives. We don't run away from sin issues but rather, we battle and overcome them together. We deal with the core/root issues - not ignoring the potential blind spots or obstacles that may stunt our spiritual well-being. Through our biblical community be it LifeGroup/Church fam as a whole - we must not forget the issues we often forget are issues: self-loathing and pride. We must strive (for ourselves as well as our brothers/sisters) to see seek identity in Christ. To experience this intimate community in the biblical sense, we must reveal ourselves in a way that is honest, free, thoughtful, and intentional.

"…knowing your identity in Christ so that you can make yourself known to others in a Christian community so that you can pursue a lifetime of growth in the context of community so that you are best equipped to glorify Christ by serving others… to understand our need for transformation, we must understand who we are currently, both as individuals and as members of the body of Christ"

Just some things I've been thinking about.