it takes one to know one

It takes two to tango.

Life is not a one-way street.
There needs to be a bit of give and take to create a healthy balance.

Don't let people take control when it comes to taking charge of your own life. Others may be emotionally charged and quite stubborn.
Don't waste your breathe with useless drivel.

When you speak, say something meaningful.

bittersweet

-West Side Story finale tonight = sad
-Party til Sunday with cast = eeeeeeee!

Bittersweet

Im going through my emails and I usually delete my horoscope but today I felt like reading. Yes, my old boss from etv set me up with this once - anyway..

Your horoscope for September 27, 2008

Today is an excellent day for you, Kristie, and you will find that you are a welcomed addition to any crowd. Your delightful nature is at its most active. You have the unique capability of being aggressive about getting what you want without disturbing the flow of the energy around you. People will respect and honor your sensitive and nurturing qualities. This is what will win the game for you.

Yep, I'm pretty awesome.

hold me

"When a single heartbeat occurs earlier than normal, it is called a premature contraction, and this can cause the sensation of a forceful heartbeat"

For the record - whoever said "my heart skips a beat" and made it sound romatic obviously never actually experienced it.

I'm not sure what tests are in my near future but it's def an awkward sensation to say the least. The skipping of the beat makes you dizzy but only for a slight moment in time. It's when it happens several moments within a minute that you fully understand the skipping comparion.

"Slow arrhythmias (bradycardias) can occur because of slowing of the electrical signals initiated by the SA node, a condition called sinus bradycardia. Bradycardias can also result from varying degrees of "heart block," wherein certain medications or diseases in the electrical conduction system of the heart impede the transmission of signals from the atria to the ventricles (see the "Bradycardias" section below).

Premature contractions are isolated heartbeats that occur earlier than expected. The premature contraction is followed by a pause, as the heart electrical system "resets" itself. The contraction following the pause is usually more forceful than normal contractions. The patients frequently perceive these more forceful contractions as palpitations."

Awesome.
On that note. I'm taking meds then going to bed.

Where did this come from and why does the right side of my body hurt when I breathe in deep. I guess I'll find out soon. Wish me luck.

*all quoted information came from:
http://www.medicinenet.com/palpitations/article.htm

captain obvious, table of 1

I should win an award.
I deleted the post I wrote last week. You know the one.
The one where I exposed myself on accident due to insomnia and lack of reality. Don't get excited, I didn't post nude pictures of myself - I mean emotastically exposed. The kind of image where eyeliner runs down the cheek.. crashes to the floor.. next to the tight jeans and ipod. Don't worry, the chucks are safe.

'I miss you, do you miss me too' 'can we just be friends and see what happens' 'does this keep you up nights, wondering' 'how many times a day do i cross your thoughts' 'do you wonder if you cross my thoughts' 'have you felt alone, restless' 'how many drinks have been dedicated to the loss' 'how many excuses have you made to cope' 'remember when...' 'do you want another chance at the possibility of us, ever' 'am i simply better than all of these questions combined'

Yes, gag me with a romantic spoon full of vodka.

There is no need to express matters that actual matter.
Now, I said what I meant and I meant what I said but to those who need to know how I feel - they do. The people who actually care about me - they get more of me than you ever will. I'll shed light on certain things but prob not as emo as the blog in question.

those who mind don't matter.. those who matter, don't mind.
'classic cliche #45'

and lucky for you - you don't have the right to know anything I'm not ok with sharing. Sorry.
I'm better than being specific anyway, my talents in writing are in being general to the point of annoyance. Welcome.

______________________


West Side Story stole my heart and has kept it productively busy.. though alcohol has been involved a time or two! a-yo! Fear not, my money has not been wasted on rash, immature, i want to "feel something" right now so I'm going to drink my money and pee it out later type ordeals. Tempting. Fine.. but that only happens on the nights when I get free shots from a bar during intermission.. but you get my point. Pretty points.

If you are one of my friends that live in the area and you haven't been cultural yet - go see it. You only have 4 chances left. After the show, we don't come out and rush the crowd. We go change then go out. I tend to escape out the back door with my friends. So if you have come and I haven't seen you.. sorry but glad you came, hope you liked it.

Food for thought:
Is it a sad day when a bar puts condoms out to replace the popular courtesy mint?
Is it smart that people realize safe sex practices are more important than mints?
Should bars be tempting lonely individuals into having sex by broadcasting condoms?
Isn't sex supposed to be sacred? Sigh. With someone you want to be with for more than 5/10 minutes? Someone you love.
Or, is this bar ahead of the curve and it realizes people will do it anyway.. might as well prevent diseases. I'd say childbirth.. but this is at a gay bar.
That goes back to sex being sacred, doesn't it?
ZING! To each his own, each his own.

Yep, the best part of being yourself - you have the right to believe, live and function the way you want to. Someone will always hate you. Some group will always try to sway you. As long as you are ok with yourself, be just that. Just believe in something - whatever that may be - or you will fall for everything.. and nobody likes a sucker. Well, babies do. I guess. Think for yourself, seriously.

New irritating thing:
people who randomly TYPE in ALL caps to PROVE a point.
Really?
Are you screaming at me or do you think i JUST CAN'T READ normal sized text.

Lost and Found

I found my old TBS CD.

interesting

That's all I have to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me - I have some some important matters to attend to.

It's bittersweet... having to do what I'm about to do.

sidewalks

They don't tell you
what you know
you should want.

Video of the AM:
Forgive the shameless plugs by the website.
I'm totally ok with artistic sidewalk dance.
I'm back into photography and that alone is inspiring of creative shots. I enjoy unique twists open to interpretation.

The More You Know...

the smarter you become.

And the topic for tonight is: Collections.

my friends > your friends

I had intentions of writing a brief post last night but alas, when I arrived back home.. sleep was my best option. Just trust me on that one. Anyway, a group of friends came to see me dance in the play!! Awesome. It's nice to have support and not to mention.. friendly faces for some post-show antics.

I was lucky enough to get some rad flowers that are now sending crazy happy vibes in my room. My emo self needs some light sometimes as I do tend to get apathetic and stubborn in realism. So yay to bright, happy flowers that smell awesome. I heart flowers. I even like dead flowers.. does that make me weird? I don't care, I enjoy the beauty in dried pedals. To each his own.

In other news of randomness:
-I think black & mild apple smells good.
-I exchanged make-up tips with drag queens. (a few of my friends dance on a bar at a place called 1109/PT's Cabaret. And they look aaaamazing in their attire)
-I believe coughing combined with crunches gives you a tight stomach
-I'm considering becoming a serving wench.
-I'm trying on Halloween costumes already.

Oh Halloween.. you skanktastic holiday you. Yah you, you slay me.

I freaking love costumes and dress-up.

Stay Cool Boy.....

Real Cool..

Opening weekend of West Side Story has been a success. We've had 3 shows so far and all 3 have been sold out. I've never done a Broadway run before but it'll be interesting to see how long we can hold out a healthy, responsive audience. It's been great dancing again. I've missed dance and being on stage has sparked that again in me. I'm glad I'm doing this. When I'm not on stage, I'm backstage having dance offs with other dancers. I'm learning stuff and getting into awesome shape - that's never a bad thing.

The More You Know:
West Side Story is a musical adaptation of the classic Romeo and Juliet.
It was first brought to us in 1961, directed by Robert Wise (The Curse of the Cat People, The Haunting, The Sound of Music.. etc) and choreographer Jerome Robbins (Fiddler on the Roof, The Pajama Game, Gypsy, Peter Pan.. etc)

Romeo and Juliet
-star-crossed-lovers
-montagues vs capulets
-suicide, murder.... death
-both lovers forever separated from both love and hate

Tony and Maria
-tragic lovers
-jets vs sharks
-accidental death, murder... death
-one lover dies, the other must carry on - broken hearted and alone

And yet, I adore both stories. There is something romantic about two people breaking the odds to be together. To overcome obstacles set in their path... and to be able to hold each other, experience love - knowing that the outcome could be tragic. It's bittersweet enough to promote deep messages about love, hate and tolerance. It shows how sad life can be when you act as a mere puppet while your society controls your thoughts and beliefs. We all fall victim to this as our culture is what has come to define us but you get the picture. The opposing groups are so caught up in their sides that they both loose sight of why they are that way in the first place. They simply hate because they are "supposed to hate".

The ring leader - usually the most insecure of the group, has a self indulging vengeance that is being carried out through the puppets of the gang. For both tragic stories, it ends in a manic twist of fates. Yet the good that comes from their lives.. teaches lessons to those left behind to own up to the consequences of their actions.


"How do you fire this gun Chino? By pulling this little trigger!? How many bullets are left Chino? Enough for YOU? Or YOU? All of you!! You ALL killed him! And my brother! And Riff! Not with bullets and knives! With HATE! Well, I can kill now too, because now I have hate!!! How many can I kill Chino? How many -- and still have one bullet left for me? Don't touch him!!" - Maria

Am I wrong?

Am I wrong in this?
The unanswered question remains.
The feeling in the pit of my stomach is unsettling.
I try, believe me. But I just can't get a grip on this water.
Nothing sticks within me that makes sense for a finale when I know in my gut that there is more.

I'm not fully convinced
that there's something wrong with this.
Could another point of view, biased and untrue,
tear me away from you?

I wish I could say tonight
when you bend and wave goodbye..
......

This is as real as I can be.

I have a scar on my face.
It is giving me character and a story.
Ironic it would happen now considering the last few days I have experienced.

If it doesn't heal properly.. I will feel like Harry Potter. Maybe that will provide me with some mystical luck. Yes, I can quest with knowledge that I am the best at what I do and I've got paper cuts to prove it. Or so it reads.

Case in point.
I can't pour out more than has been evaporated today.

I'm searching for a location to help casting and somebody got jealous.
It's a ham of a cat.
No sunglasses. The sun is dull today.

I am drawn into the confusing, the sad, the tragic.

Eye of the fish.

Over the last 2 weeks.. one fact is clear.
M. Phelps has become a man crush for boys across the globe and a hero to dedicated girls everywhere.

He currently holds the title of: The Best Olympian of All Time.
Congrats to you sir. Your fish-like abilities were not stressed in vain.
Your 40 hours + of swimming paid off in the ultimate way. 8 Gold Medals.
It's inspiring to see hard work pay off. Good job you.

And for another opinion:

Flashbacking

For today's musical flashback...
I'd like to tickle your ear and eyes with some cheesy but classical music videos. If only music of today could be as inventive and hauntingly catchy.

Two songs were triggered into my brain today. Thus, the first thing I did when I got off of work was to look them up and sing along accordingly. Don't lie. You would've done the same thing.

Let George and Paul sooth your overworked soul.

And. Here. We. Go -




And last but not least -

Don't get mad at me but...

Typically when someone starts a phrase this way... you will.. in fact.. end up getting mad. Even if the angst comes from a comical place in your heart - your first reaction will usually be.. "WHAT?!" or something of that nature.

At night, I sit on the computer and I look/apply for jobs. I haven't had any luck these last few weeks though other than countless spam that consumes my e-mail. Nevertheless, I am still on the search for something else. My job isn't terrible, I'm doing good things for children.. but.. at the same time.. I'm getting burnt out really fast at the expense of slowly being taken advantage of as an employee. I'm standing up for myself sure.. but that isn't going to change the system. I must just defend my status until I can comfortably leave.

Tonight I found out that my co-worker, the only other full-time girl - my friend - turned in her resignation letter. *insert the "WHAT?!" here. She has not been able to find a new job yet but she just can't handle the environment at hand any longer. She is married and is going to bank on his earnings for a while as she hopes to find something new.

I'm proud of her. This is something that she has been thinking about before I even started working there. While I'm proud, I also just hope she does find something soon. I think she can work for her Dad or something as a last resort - still - any resort is better than none.

That leaves me. As if stress wasn't already piling on top of my plate at work - if I'm the only full-time person there - I can't imagine the load that is about to be dropped upon me. Thus, I might have to swallow hard and exhale until I lock onto a new job. I fear my days without her being there to withhold sanity. Even so, the search continues. I'll hear back from something soon - and if not - I just have to try harder. Right?

Curse the liberal arts.

Unwrapped 411.

I am a turtle.
I am standing on my shell.

We are all faced with conflicting situations where we are left with two choices.
We can either hide away in our shells..do nothing.. sit back.. act lazy..
or we can bust out of our shells and leave our comfortable existence behind.. in hopes of gaining something more rewarding.

I am naked.
I am exposed.

It's not comfortable standing outside of your zone. You spend your entire life creating this "believed existence" henceforth, feeling naked or exposed is completely natural. In order to grow as individuals, we must venture out into the cruel dark world.. leaving our beds, our habits, and our shackles in the distance.

I am ready.

Back in high school.. I traveled to a run down area of Mexico to help build houses for people. Arguably one of the best experiences of my life thus far. I went on this trip - being the youngest person involved and also not knowing anyone. I just.. wanted to do it. I heard about it on a Thursday. Got shots on Friday. Went on a 3 day bus ride that Sunday.

I couldn't shower for a week and the food we ate was worst at best. Was it hard? Yes. Was the sun torturing hot? Yes. Was The smell of the town was absolutely horrid? Yes. With every inhalation, the smell would curdle in your nose and cause nausea to creep into the form of a concern.

It was great.
I got over myself.
I got over thinking that I needed things for every day life. Sure, certain things make life easier.. but most things aren't needed. Going from sometihng to nothing really opens up your eyes to what is around you. You really never do realize what you have until it's gone. Unfortunate for us. Life is short.

When we stay isolated in our shells, we tend to take advantage of things, people, life. My best advice - do not be this way. Step outside, let people in and don't be afraid to be who you are. Love yourself and you can in turn, love others. Do what you think is best for you, what is right - even if that means stepping out on a limb. Just do it. Be confident.

I attempt to live with the mindset of "making the best of whats around." I grew up beating nightmares with that mindset and I don't regret that. I have always been seen as a confusing half split of a pessimistic attitude and innocent optimistic energy.. but that's ok. It's me.

I'm at another point where I'm trying with every waking breath to remind myself of what is important in life. Stresses try to block perceptions and that in itself is lame. Why would anyone strong willed let those things factor into a lifestyle? I don't want to be that way, matter of fact.. I refuse to be.

In order to not let the little things tear away at your soul, you have to step outside of yourself sometimes. Sometimes you have to stand up when everyone sits down. You have to speak when you know nobody wants to hear what you have to say. What does it matter to you? What should it matter to you?

And when we accomplish these goals of beating the lazy gene, we can tuck back in our turtle shells and take comfort. We rest in knowing we lived another day not taking anything for granted. We rest at night, cuddle close, hold dear to the ones you love - and know that the next day - you can step outside.... and home will be waiting for you.

A penny for your thoughts...

... but I'd rather have a dollar.

a touch of hollywood

".. and a little baby talk to make sure you still work, it's business.."

As perusual, I instantly became attracted to the notion of being involved on a movie set. I know which cards to use when I'm dealt certain hands.. and in this case.. I just happened to know which names/networks to drop. It's awesome to have simialr interests with friends 'in the business' because they keep you updated without hesitation.

I auditioned for a character role -and- for a moment in time.. I actually had the part! Granted, it was a small (but camera friendly) role - but a role none the less. The electricy that ran through my brain was almost as explosive as it was when I found out that I no longer had the part. What? Oh yes. I lived my dream for about a day and a half before the crushing realization of the cliched "that's showbiz" phrase haunted my damp eyes. Turns out *in an ironic twist of fate* that I was too tall for the role. Me?! This may be the only time ever in life I will be told I'm too tall for something. It's kinda funny now.. but then.. I wasn't too amused.

Everyone on the set ended up knowing me for "being the girl who got cut. the orignal mini-me. the girl who got her hair cut for nothing" - with a grain of comical salt, I took it. Hey, at least my legacey lived on for trival/lame/boring gossip. I heard that the celebs felt bad for me and yet weren't shocked that David O. Russell changed his mind. The director is about as fickle as a flip-flop but - it's in his hands, he should do what he wants to make the picture work.

Things do happen for a reason though. The movie is a chaotic showcase of miscommunication and dramatics. The time/money/life wasted during this project proves to me that I'm way better off for not being commited. I still worked it out that me and a few friends could do some extra work on the movie. I'm better off for not having my own trailer or imbd credit. I landed a real job (practical and constant) and it pays the bills. Not only that.. but I've been able to have a life.

When the next movie rolls around.. am I going to try to be involved? Well, I'm already working on that. Yes, I'm in the works of setting dates aside to be a zombie. So while I'm trying to be responsilbe with my job - at least - in fleet moments - I can still get a touch of hollywood to feed my desire to be in front of the bright lights.

<3

February

"You and I, cold February night.. it's been a half an hour.. taking sweet time saying our goodbyes... one minute more. The best day of my life is all thanks to you. Precious remembrance saved for rainy days or February. Few scenes from my life or moments mean more to me than our fine nights" - TheStartingLine

Question: Was February was a good month for me?
Answer: Understatement of the year.


Step One: Wake up with your mind pre-programmed in a ‘rinse, lather, repeat’ fashion.
Step Two: Panic when out of nowhere someone cuts the water off, leaving you a soapy (but fragrant) mess.
Step Three: Realize you don’t care that your eyes sting from the Herbal Essence that clogs your tear ducts.
Step Four: Realize you don’t care that you didn’t finish your habitual routine.
Step Five: Wipe the soap from your eyes as you stand cold, naked and curious.

Realizing someone has the potential to change your life forever is a cold, cleansing, and curious shower.

met·a·phor - an implicit comparison, something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol. a figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity .

I don’t keep receipts. I keep everything else under the sky… but I never keep restaurant receipts. There is simply no point for me to recap those transactions to anyone. (Shout out to online banking) However, if you look inside my hungry wallet, you will find one IHOP receipt from February 23rd at 5:20am.

The 5:20am IHOP adventure was not a breakfast meal, it was a… been out all night and in need of food type of meal. Also known as.. I’m not quite ready for this night to end so lets go somewhere for a bit longer.

I will do my best to control my syrup tendency - but the bottom line is – I finally found someone worth my time.
That is a big deal.
Seriously, that is huge.
See, a distant friend re-entered my life and the possibility of getting to know him better excited me. I’ve always though t he was cute but without question, there was an underlying chemistry between us. We instantly connected on several levels and I admit, it took me by surprise. You just don’t come across something like that everyday. Yet while easy to recognize, it can also shock you at the same time. For me, it was a good shock. Truly. Like a bolt of electricity pumping through my veins making my heart beat faster.. sending endorphins through my body with every awakening pulse.

We actually hung out and talked for a few hours about life and love. He told me about his thoughts and I told him my philosophy of how you have to have faith that someone is out there.. waiting/looking for you just as you were waiting/looking too. I told him my dating profile and shared my faith and trust based on knowing that God would pull through in the end with someone worth my time and affections. I’ve always refused to settle or play the random hook up game. I think that is sleazy and it creates unhealthy baggage and false expectations that nobody needs. It’s better to wait – wait for what is wroth your energy and precious time.

Wait for what you know in your heart and mind is right. When you find something great, hold onto it dearly. Don’t take it for granted because in a fleeting moment of desperation, the thing you crave so deeply – could be gone forever.

So anyway, we discussed things and had great conversations on our nights of hanging out. (Which became quite frequent)
Again, huge deal to me. While I’m known for pointless quotations and random outbursts, I thrive off of meaningful conversations. The things he said about what he wanted in life were pretty much the exact same thoughts I had. So much so, that I was taken off guard. That ‘shock’ and ‘to good to be true’ mindset took me by surprise. It actually took me a few days to wrap my mind around the reality of how hard I was crushing on him as I wondered how much he was crushing on me. I was initially hesitant but I quickly realized I had been praying for that shock “ moment” for.. well.. forever. I didn’t mind that I had soap in my eyes or that I was exposing myself to someone, as if naked in the shower of my mind. I didn’t mind a break in my lonely routine. Instead, I welcomed the break with curiosity and baited breath.

Step Six: As the water comes back on, finish your shower but with a new perspective and outlook what this refreshing sensation means.

Longer story short – we started dating and it’s been great. I’m not going to cheapen our relationship by shedding details of us, because that’s not my style, but just trust that when I say things are great – I mean that. I’m not using a cliché of everything looks perfect from far away bit – I truly am happy and in love. I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone so fast and I’ve never felt anything of such certainty before. That’s a good thing. Huge.

God is the ultimate completing force but he allowed for our paths to cross in such a way that I feel whole. As if this was the plan from the beginning. While I’m not one to typically rush into thoughts beyond my grasp, we’ve got a good thing going and I can’t wait for all of the adventures to come.


-kp-

i'll be back

I am very aware of my MIA status as of late.
Deepest apologies - it'll never happen again.
Well, unless I get super busy... because then... it will most certainly happen again. Forgive me, Im honest.

I won't make broken promises because that isn't my style... but I will promise to catch you up on my thoughts and experiences.

Ex. I wrote this a few weeks back but it never got posted for some reason. IDK either.

I exist more comfortably in my environment now than I did a year ago at this time.

At this time last year…. I spent restless days and nights on a cold hospital floor pondering faith, love and if people really do have a purpose to the ‘so-called’ grander plan. Questions flooded my brain until my thoughts pulled me under a tidal wave of hypothetical notions. The nights I tricked myself to sleep… I would wake feeling as though I was washed up a distant shore. If I achieved rest, I felt it meant pleasure for the body and thusly, I felt guilty for allowing myself a healthy outcome when internally I felt so useless.

I had just come back from what should have proven to be the ‘best spring break of my ever' *insert trl style screams here* Well, I wish I could say that I enjoyed my all expense payed vacation to Cancun, Mexico. I wish I could tell you that I loved every minute of that all inclusive resort I called home for a few days. I wish I could tell you… well.. I wish I could tell you fun stories. Not the going to bed at 9pm or the sea sick day. Sure, I have a few things (refer back to me throwing up for an hour or so) but the majority of my time was spent starring into the crystal water with the warm sun beating down upon my troubled mind. The soft sand beneath my feet... unknowingly.. comforting my spring desires as I remained peaceful. In this moment, I realized what I wanted to do – go home - and break out of the mold that was forced upon my soul.

Was I homesick?
Negative. I don’t get homesick. I love to travel and experience new places in full.

Then what the heck was my problem?
How do you want to leave paradise?

A lesson that we all learn at some point in our lives. I already learned this – tis why I didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place but… if your heart is somewhere else – so are you.
My heart was breaking for my family and I was expected to go to another country and act like everything was peachy. That is the most fake thing I can possibly imagine and it irritates me /still\ that everyone made it out to seem like not a big deal.

To receive a collect call saying that Delaney stopped breathing and this may be her last night – while I’m off in another country with MTV on Spring Break? You’ve got to be kidding me. There is more to life people. More to life.

I hope you realize that the charade can only last as far as you are willing to manage and compromise yourself. You can only bend so far until you break. Don't EVER be afraid to stand up for yourself and break free from the shackles that bolt you into low expectations and tired dreams.