Outside the Box and Inside my Mind

time to move on

2011-02-07T13:20:00.003-05:00

I am no longer active on blogger.
Jump over to my new site: http://kristiepearl.tumblr.com/

Thanks for the love and support over the years dear blogger friends!

<3

pray.

2010-12-27T11:03:00.002-05:00

Give me strength to be everything I’m called to be.
Shine through me so they know this isn't about me.
Fill me up so I can pour back out.
Be everything that my life is about.
Show me the way to stand for Truth and desire You.
Forgive me when I fail to praise You like I should.
Humble my heart before Your throne.
Lead me, cause I know I can’t do this alone.

Amen.

i am thankful for...

2010-11-21T23:15:00.004-05:00

You and y'all.

First and foremost, thanks God for being awesome despite my emo, over-analytical, self-consumed heart. To say that last week sucked would be the biggest understatement of the year. It started with assumptions becoming misunderstandings which led me to feel pretty helpless. ps If gossip had a face - I would punch it.
Lesson: Just because man gives you an opportunity to speak, doesn't mean you should. Seek Truth from the source. Confess and Repent. Always be honest, always.

I lost my job. I felt defeated, humiliated and blindsided not to mention... insecure, discouraged and anxious. I've been praying about my job - where God wants me. He answered my prayer, just not in the way I wanted. Lesson: Desire Humility. Recognize that everything is God's. He can give and He can take away. Appreciate what you do have, esp when times are dark. (I have a new job in a different dept at the same place for right now)

Spiritual warfare. The most intense sleepless night of spiritual warfare that I've ever experienced. I began fighting and reading scripture until the hours passed and I was exhausted. I gave up. I put my Bible down and felt a lack of peace. I walked away doubting what I read and then I was literally pushed down by evil, gasping for Jesus to hear my cry for His mercy on my rebellious soul. When I was finally able to speak and breath, I felt Him. Lesson: God allows us to experience things to teach us important lessons that we need to know. Don't give up. Fight. God is there. He saves. He rescues. He restores your soul.

Next was family group vacay. Honestly, I confess to a part of me not wanting to be in/with community. I wanted to carry on being useless and alone since that's how I felt. Thankfully, God is good and He told me to confess my resistance to Him and friends and repent before Him.

This was one of the best weekends I've had in a really long time. God did work through the 4 guys that spoke, thanks team. Everything about the weekend was epic. Maybe I'll elaborate later on the teaching but for now just know that I am thankful that God is faithful despite my faithlessness. I am thankful that God keeps His promises even though I struggle to trust His Truth. I am thankful that my worth isn't based on what I do but in who I am in Christ. I am thankful that He loves me despite my selfishness of trying to place other things on the throne of my heart when that throne is meant for God alone. All glory is His and not to be shared. I am thankful for His grace that washes me daily in my fight to again see light rather than the darkness that awaits to devour me.

-kristie-

my soul finds rest

2010-10-22T08:09:00.010-04:00

I posted this in my status a while back, it has become a Sabbath time favorite of mine. In case you haven't heard it... it's worth a listen. The song is called My Soul Finds Rest/Psalm 62.

the hardest place to stand...

2010-09-23T23:35:00.004-04:00

is at the place where words are lost in silence.

The poetic aspect of my soul strives to decorate my thoughts with delicate word choices. I am attracted to intentional over articulation and prepared sentence structures. In my weakest form, I have a loss for the concept of letters and word meanings all together. In such moments of overwhelming weakness, Christ gives me strength to stand. In His strength, I am moved beyond mere verbal expressions of existence. When I fall into a speechless void, He catches me in the scriptures of His spoken promises. I stand, only because of His love.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

<3

giggle

2010-09-15T22:51:00.004-04:00

when you are worn out.. it's not the best time to work on tricks. clearly. i wasnt supposed to fall like that. ha

oh. my. hilarity.

2010-09-09T09:07:00.004-04:00

a) I find this both disturbing and hilarious.
b) Prepare to be confused.
c) Prepare to laugh.

you're welcome.

ABDC

2010-08-29T23:47:00.005-04:00

that's what's up.

Just joined a dance crew and I couldn't be more jazzed. (no pun intended)I love to dance and I love to make new friends and what better way to do that than to join up in a city dance crew. I've been praying for an opportunity like this for various reasons and paaazah! - there it is. Thanks God!

a beautiful mess

2010-08-26T10:27:00.005-04:00

just a chill, surface song that is stuck in my head this morning.

notes to self

2010-08-21T00:13:00.003-04:00

It's midnight, my prime time of thoughts and reflections.
Here are some random thoughts I'm thinking to myself:

*don't settle for standing still (be alert with readiness)
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." - Ephesians 6:14-15

*Be constant in growing & maturing in faith:
"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" - James 1:4

*understand who you are pouring into and recognize opportunities for both discipleship and outreach.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

*don't be "that" person (the one that states the obvious/complainer.. etc)
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life — in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing" - Philippians 2:14-17

*follow through on your intentions in obedience to Christ.
"Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means." 2 Corinthians 8:11
and
"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one" - Matthew 5:37

*do what you do out of passion, Christ deserves our passion.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Col 3:23-24

<3

blurry sneak peak

2010-08-08T13:08:00.002-04:00

blurry sneak peak:

just wait...

kineticness

2010-07-29T23:34:00.011-04:00

fun fact: I used to volunteer for Mad Science to "teach" kiddos via crazy fun science experiments with the intentions of making learning fun. In reality, I called it time to "play" and make stuff blow up. I worked at a child developmental center around this time too so my scientific name of "kinetic kristie" carried over to the crew at my job to imply that I was characterized by energy in motion.

Truth be told, I used to think it was a tragic flaw of mine to be so naturally hyperactive and energetic. What I've come to realize though is that being active is ok - it just depends on how you use your energy. Am I using that energy to be effective for the Kingdom or am I using that energy to pour into broken cisterns of sorts? It's a good question to challenge yourself with, at least it is for me. Am I living out the Gospel and is my kineticness glorifying God?

I'm about to start packing up my room to get ready to move in a few days. Yesterday I found out when I needed to move out of my current house and thankfully, I found a new place to stay... all within an hour. God provides, never doubt that He is the ultimate Provider.

Before you ask, yes - for one reason or another I've moved around Columbia every year since I've lived here. It's not something I plan for.. as fun as packing and unpacking sounds. I love traveling but not quite in this fashion. In all seriousness though, The Holy Spirit makes certain things really clear to me and one is in regards to where I am located. Plus, He likes to keep me on my toes. If I get too comfortable, I'll get lazy. It's His grace that keeps me motivated in motion. I'm not sure what this is all to prepare me for but in the meantime, I'm just trying to be obedient.

About two years ago, I read a book and the idea of being a part of a church plant and helping to cultivate Biblical community/fellowship fell on my heart. I have no idea where or when or if that is even something that will present itself as an opportunity for me at some point. It's obvious to me right now that I'm in Columbia for a reason and honestly, prob for a while - I do have a feeling it wont be forever. Either way, I'm more than ok with being here. I love this city and more than that, I love the people in it.

As I pray to grow in the area of relational ministry - I've been given the opportunity to move into the community I'm trying to really connect with and love on. I dig God's creativity in how He is getting me over there... ask me what I mean later if you are curious what I mean.

My Mom gave me this encouragement on my birthday.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

So while I never know where I'll live or for how long, I take comfort in knowing, I'll never be without God... and that's all I need to know.

Question?

2010-07-02T10:35:00.011-04:00

I feel secure in saying that when the answer that you want is within the tone of the question that you state.. you've 98% already made up your mind. I find that in situations like that, we only ask questions to either further validate our decisions or to simply hear ourselves talk.

Lets be honest:
"Is this a bad idea?" - yeah, it usually is.
"Should I do this?" - no, probably not.

We put ourselves on the front lines of war when we let our convictions spark justifications instead of repentance. I think all too often we ask poor, empty questions. It's a dangerous day when we let a rebellious childhood mindset trick us into thinking we have metaphorical chains to break. We flirt with the temptation of "how far can I *insert sin here*" and in so, we subject ourselves to an unguarded battle against the enemy. Yikes.

When I've found myself guilty of justifications, it's because I was being lazy. Confession: the cliche hyperactive kid's default broken response is apathy. Praise God that He allows the Holy Spirit to change the lackadaisical sinner into a passionate believer. Praise God for forgiveness and grace.

Ok so back to my point: Rather than asking questions like "what can I get away with" we should maybe be asking ourselves.. "does this glorify God/Am I glorifying God in this moment/again, is this for God's glory?"

ps If you want clarity... start by being clear.

<3
-kp-

if grace is an ocean..

2010-06-22T22:11:00.012-04:00

..we're all sinking.

I 2nd what I said in my last post.

It's really unfortunate how quickly foolish pride blinds us from the grace of the cross. I need to continually repent of what I think I deserve because truth of the matter is.. I don't deserve anything.

Ephesians 2:1-9

thought of the week:

2010-06-06T11:46:00.005-04:00

The realization that it simply shouldn't matter what obstacles are put in my path. What actually matters is how I respond to the obstacles that God gives me the opportunity to face.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1: 2-4

a perfect shade of dark blue...

2010-05-30T12:54:00.008-04:00

...have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

Last night I went to a wedding in Charleston to help celebrate the marriage of two of my good friends. Typically, I would've brought a girl/guy as a fake date to have someone to talk to/eat with/dance with.. etc.. but alas, I went alone. Anyway, I'm a cheesy romantic of sorts and one of my favorite things to do is to watch the groom's face when the bride makes her grand entrance. Tears filled my eyes upon seeing his love for her through his beaming smile aaand my heart melted. What a beautiful picture of Christ's love for the church and to think... that's just a glimpse of it. The ceremony was beautiful.

If you know me at all, you know that sitting still isn't exactly my specialty... so I walked around during the reception and caught up with friends from college. The most popular question of the night was.. "are you here alone?" By the end of the night I couldn't seem to shake the tone of those questions. Before I headed back home, I sat outside in the warm breeze of the night and had a lil quiet time.

I was blindsided by loneliness... but why? The relationship that I need, I have. God alone is what I need and what my soul craves. Christ longs to be what fulfills us and He does with His grace and all consuming love.

I trust Him as comforter and provider for what I need to better tell His story. As always, thanks Jesus for bringing me back to the big picture... You.

I support the AHA

2010-05-25T11:56:00.011-04:00

Just to be clear... I watched that video I posted yesterday about 10 times and laughed each time. Something might be wrong with me.

On a completely different note:
I tend to either buy organic or AHA approved foods for my daily life. I won't push on the organic as much as I want to push on the AHA. I have to check for these things when I purchase foods to help take care of my heart. I was thinking to myself recently... I should inform my friends about the lil heart stamp of approval too because.. I want y'all to be healthy too! My hope would be that everyone would check for the American Heart Association's heart-check mark on food packaging in the grocery store going forward... to promote a healthy beating heart.
(go to this link for more details: http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4973)

On a fake related note:
I think I'm shopping at the wrong store:

laughter

2010-05-24T18:03:00.007-04:00

Today was a very heavy day.
There is a time to soak in the weight of things and there is also a respected time to laugh. You might not think this is funny but I think it is hilarious. This episode really aired.. this dramatic.. thank goodness for...

dance

2010-05-23T12:07:00.002-04:00

so last night I saw Twitch dance live. eeeeeeeeeeeee!
Who is twitch?
This guy: (I'll upload my video from last night soon)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdcLDVZVP-s&feature=related

Today I watched a video of ppl trying to jerk & reject.. and it was painful. if you dont know how to do them - ask ppl that actually know.. otherwise your friends are just playing a joke on you! (and yes, after watching.. I'm dancing in my living room by myself doing these steps... go figure)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46BsgpnioTc&feature=related

smile like you mean it

2010-05-22T16:02:00.003-04:00

Three great dental care items that I like:

1) Aquafresh: iso-active deep impact, whitening foaming gel.
(you know the hand soap that foams when you put it in your hands.. this is like the same thing for your mouth! it foams. brushing your teeth will never be the same again!)

2) Crest: glide comfort plus mint floss.
(it has a freshness about it and it's very soft as to not destroy your gums.

3) Listerine: total care, 6 in one antiseptic mouthwash.
(it's a purplish color.. just trust me.. go big or go home with your listerine products and I'd pick this one!)
*not shown in photo bc i only have two hands

reflect

2010-05-17T23:20:00.003-04:00

-pic from a retreat i went on a few weeks back

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him"
— John Piper

6:52am

2010-05-10T06:42:00.004-04:00

Over the last 4 years I've had a habit of changing my hair style/color a bunch simply because... well... it was fun for me. I'm pretty sure that I've grown out of that stage though cause I just don't have that desire anymore. It might be because I've done about everything but regardless world, you can just get used to my current bc it's my default. It is fun though to look back at previous hairventures (see above) to see what all I've done.

when you dig, dig deep.

2010-05-05T21:02:00.007-04:00

One of my most favorite things in life = fellowship within Biblical community/ intentional conversations with others. I long for moments of authentic intimacy traced by questions about what God is doing/where the Holy Spirit is at work.

As slapstick as I can be, I have been told I have a tendency of getting deep pretty quickly in conversations. It's only because I want to know the hearts of the people in my life. I'm not ok for settling for surface banter when an opportunity for depth is at hand.

So, with that - I just want to take a second to say thank you to my lifegroup. Thanks for being willing to get deeper than you ever thought possible. Sometimes even deeper than you'd like to know you are able to go. Thanks for sharing your hearts, confessing your sins, repenting and seeking accountability within the group and for always pushing each other back to Jesus. The transformations that I see daily literally blow my mind. Thanks for being open, for listening, for being respectful, for being willing to let God use you... so.. ultimately, thank you for being the church. I've said it before and I'll say it again because God is worthy of such praise.. I am so encouraged and thankful to know each of you. God is awesome!

budget.

2010-05-04T00:50:00.002-04:00

every second of every day

2010-04-20T13:20:00.006-04:00

without Him, i am nothing.
seriously.

so, this morning I woke with these lyrics in my head.
feel free to mediate with me today on these Truth inspired words:

Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ

You bought my life with the blood
That you shed on the cross
When you died for the sins of men
And you let out a cry, crucified
Now alive in me

These hands are yours
Teach them to serve
As you please and I'll reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in you

I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same

You've changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In you I am blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of you

Fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek
Fire fall down
Your fire fall down
On us we pray

Show me your heart
Show me your way
Show me your glory

id rather have friends than fans

2010-04-15T08:53:00.024-04:00

**Before you read this, let me be super clear. My thoughts come from both experience and observation. I have to constantly check my heart before speaking encouragement to make sure my words aren't glazed in a coward's attempt at flattery**

Empty words are like cavities to the soul.

Flattery is shallow and damaging to the spirit.
I think all too often people confuse flattery with encouragement but in actuality, there is an epic difference.

Mindless gibberish/validations can quickly clutter our perspective. When we are the subject of such undeserving praise it feeds our wicked default of glory hungry, egocentric behavior. When we are the ones pumping someone full of ill motivated empty words it's almost the equivalence of taking them and pushing them straight into a brick wall... over and over again. Why? Bc you aren't building them up as much as you are passively breaking down their hearts. Yep, you can crush people with positive words just as much as with negative ones if your motives are vapid.

Maybe we should take a minute to understand what each word means:
flattery - insincere or excessive praise
encouragement - the act of giving hope or support to someone, the expression of approval and support

See the difference?

Hebrews 3:13 tells us, we are called to encourage each other daily.
Immature manipulations masking flattery inside of fake encouragement doesn't do anybody any good. Strive to be legit with genuine words of hope and support. Encourage each other - see where God is at work - and praise Him for He is worthy of our praise!

-kp-

be encouraged:

2010-04-13T11:01:00.003-04:00

“But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Is it just me.... or is this treasure that Jesus gives us here a bit ridiculously freeing and exciting? Fo'realz! I know this is prob a verse you've heard more times than I can count if you've grown up in the church.. but.. I urge you to not water it down. Let this encourage you today!

-kp-

everything else > jelly.

2010-04-10T11:27:00.006-04:00

There is no way to spice up taking a bit of a sandwich so if you watch the video... prepare yourselves for nothing super exciting going down. haha

Ok so sometimes I like to wake up and make lunch using whatever I see around the kitchen.

today: pbandj with banana on toast.
The biggest element of this was the jelly bc I don't like jelly.
I tried to slightly mask it with large banana chunks.

Overall, it's a Saturday lunch win.
*if you haven't tried it with cheerios you are missing out.

sidebar:
I don't like "grape" anything.
Even candy that is grape flavored. Yep, I will not eat it.
I traced my dislike back to the years spent as a child being force fed dimetapp so that I would go to bed. My insomnia started when I was young and at the time, this is the only way the Dr told us to handle it. Blah!

14 years ago today.

2010-04-08T22:37:00.009-04:00

While the tragic event happened over the Easter holidays of my 6th grade year... it was this day 14 years ago that my dad slipped into eternity.

The day.

The day I stood next to a hospital bed and said goodbye to my unconscious father.
The day I felt his hand turn cold as I fell into a numb and confused state of mind.
The day I will never forget and not for lack of trying.
The day that sparked a sequence of events that God would later use to help break, shape and mold my character. Yep, God showed me in high school that I went through what I went through so I could use those experience to in turn further His kingdom. That's hard to articulate but if you ever want to talk, I'm open about my life and what Jesus has done for me. Let me take this moment to share... God is 100% good despite unsettling events.

I am thankful for the 12 solid years of memories I had with my father. Some people don't even get that opportunity. I am truly blessed.

I found this picture of him when he was younger.
It says "to Cindy" in the corner.. yep, he gave this pic to my mom.

The other picture, is one that I took upon a visit.

My day of reflection doesn't bid me a bitter heart but more of a thankful one.
I know to most people that probably sounds a bit bizarre but my hope, my hope is in Jesus Christ and with that hope comes peace. He knows whats up. Death did not overcome Jesus - in Him we are alive forever.

In the blink of an eye - everything around you might fall apart and disappear. Fear not, God is constant and has plans to proper you - not to harm you. Trust Him

hope through the pain

2010-04-02T10:45:00.010-04:00

I don't usually reread things that I write or must less re-post them... but after reading my post from Good Friday last year, I'd like to stand by it again.

"Oh yes, 3 days later God was like... boom. done.
Jesus came back! Easter! WHAT?!

Jesus died a death I deserved to die for. For the sins I commit. For the sins you commit. I'm talking about the little things and the big things. With every whip across His body, with every nail that pierced through His tender flesh, with every drop of blood that hit the dirt.... it was for you and me.

Please let the reality of that sink in a bit.
I know we can't fully understand the complete magnitude of grace we are given but at least attempt to meditate on that concept.

victory."

For the entire blog/story go to: http://kristiepearl.blogspot.com/2009/04/good-friday.html

This weekend, though incredible as it is can be incredibly difficult for me too. This weekend holds the reminder of the deaths of:
John Thomas Flynn. (my father)
Brady Thomas Flynn. (my nephew)

It's almost chilling that these deaths center around Easter. And for that, I have had to deal with some serious issues with God in the past. This does not mark the day of death for my dad but Good Friday is the day in 1996 that everything suddenly started - leading up to his death a few days or so later. That time of life is a bit of a blur but I do remember random people giving me Easter baskets in failed attempts to numb the pain. I'm so thankful that my Mom showed me Jesus and I was able to see how He provided her strength during her weakness. Jesus is the Almighty Healer.

Alas, God is good and with death comes life and a new hope. It is in this promise that I trust that they are in a grand place where neither of their hearts hold pain or unpleasant circumstance. Praise.

Our time is short and when our purpose is fulfilled, we are sealed to joining Him in His kingdom. I want to encourage you to take heart in this season of your life and let people know how you feel about them. Be open and honest - you have nothing to lose. If you let that moment slip away - it may be the last one that you ever have here on earth. Nothing happens by accident so don't deny what is and live with purpose.

With death - comes new life.
I praise Jesus for what He became for me.
Rescuer, Savior, Redeemer

Hope.
Faith.
Love.

.kp.

thanks for the memories

2010-03-29T06:54:00.005-04:00

jordan & i said farewell to a classic pop punk band on saturday.
here is our tribute.

tribute note:
j-ro drew a tear on her face
my shirt says: break dance not hearts.

ps ignore the watermarkish fun that randomly pops up. it's bc im using a trial program for converting file formats.. aka.. mac imovie to windows media. yep, ghetto with a touch of legit.

im more than ready for spring

2010-03-28T22:37:00.011-04:00

the harsh winter aside, im taking the night to do a bit of reflecting over this last season of my life. ive been steady praying for/over certain avenues of my future and I can't wait to see what God does and provides.

and yeah, im ready for spring.. it's my favorite =)

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven"
-Ecc 3:1

God > us

2010-03-22T16:17:00.013-04:00

...to to be less self-absorbed and more God consumed...

I have both experienced and observed the reality that self-seeking desires/motives/etc will leave us no less shallow than that of a 3-yr-old's pool. In other words: nothing leaves us more hollow than being full of ourselves.

I feel like we almost always forget the incredible & merciful debt that was covered on our behaves. A debt so grand that we can't even begin to fully grasp it. Perhaps since we can't feel the weight of the cross on our backs - we naturally lessen the actualization in our minds of how amazing grace really is? Luckily, we are blessed despite our foolish pride and we are still compassionately adopted into Christ's kingdom. Being crucified & clothed in Christ - we freely receive God's desire that we not only know Jesus but that we are also set free in Him. We get to share this Gospel of grace that we get but don't deserve? Oh yeah, this is truly an epic win!

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me — the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24

-kp-

heart check-ups:

2010-03-12T10:01:00.009-05:00

As I sat there... alone... on the super-thin-paper-sheet-style examination table.. I couldn't help but think about the medical condition of my heart. Yes, medically speaking - my heart is considered pretty weak. *insert emo heart with a band-aid over it*

I can't deny the fact that my heart pumps about three times as much as yours does. I can't deny that my body has a natural tendency to produce tainted blood with improper levels of cholesterol. I can't deny that two vital organs (heart & liver) are subject to high amounts of hardcore medicine that I take in order to keep my artery ways from blockage.

Yet despite this, fear not. God has totally used my genetic magic to deepen my faith, obedience and trust in Him throughout the years. Look at it this way... it's easy to put neosporin on a cut you can see but when things are literally internally out of your control - you are left as it should be: turning to Jesus for healing. Fact: no worldly distractions/quick fix applications apply here. It's pointless. I'm thankful for this. I rest comfortably and secure in His desire for my life of servant-hood for His Kingdom. He has proven my existence by my simply being alive and I refuse to question it. I've already been told I am a "medical marvel" for being the healthiest unhealthy person ever but I'm not at all shocked by this. God performs miracles all the time. Just open your eyes a little bit wider and allow for the sensitivity to witness them.

This "condition" is something that I will always have to be aware of but God will never give me more than I can handle. I trust in His promises. This stuff doesn't define who I am or what I am capable of but it def has played a significant role in my relationship with Christ over the years. See, the beauty of circumstance comes when you can stamp out the difference between God's voice and satan's lies. Satan has told me before that I am sick. God is quick to rebuke that statement with the understanding that my life is alive and complete in Him. When you discern the promises of the Gospel Truth you can then truly appreciate the grace that we are given. Me? I could drown under the grace that God pours out over me. Luckily, He washes me in it rather than makes me tread frantically beneath it.

The only reason you would know I have anything like this going on in my life is if you are a close bestie of mine. I don't talk about it much because I feel 99% fine most -if not all- of the time. Isn't that rad? Jesus will be the Healer you desire if you let Him be. Make no mistake, I still have this "condition" and sometimes it causes me pain but how my body responds to it and how I react- totally God at work.

Anyway, after the blood was drawn I finally let myself breathe. God must giggle at me quite often. I openly admit that I get anxious over things I can not control at times. While I was waiting on the Dr. to come back in for his final words - I began thinking again... but this time... not about medical things but rather the spiritual condition of my heart. That's the most important thing that I would want people to know about me. Do I reflect Jesus in my daily walk? Am I an example of Christ's character via my actions and speech? My desire is to let His light shine through me. Alone - this wouldn't be possible but the Holy Spirit can totally use you & me to be lights in this dark world, let Him do work!

A few simple questions to ask yourself:
1) where do you find your worth
2) where are your thoughts
3) what is your focus/mission
4) do you pray - often - daily

I share this because I think we all need heart check-ups.
Don't wait until you feel sick to evaluate the condition of your heart.

Check it often. Stay accountable.

<3

ps Just got results back from my tests on Monday and my cholesterol went down. Best results I've had in a long time, yep - it's looking good :-) Praise if you get a chance for this is truly a situation to stand up and give thanks.

welcome to my saturday

2010-03-07T00:49:00.003-05:00

Sabbath time, swimming, laundry, waho with my mom & aunt, starbucks, watched a movie, guitar action and then more time with Jesus.

obviously, im not on my way to boston (of course... a part of me wishes i wasn't 25 and able to go... since that's my fav city -other than cola- to kick it in) but i absolutely had a great day here. a day of "make no plans until they happen" proved successful!

kp

beauty in the breakdown

2010-03-01T23:33:00.004-05:00

just a few thoughts in my head..

i stand before you a sinner redeemed through crimson grace...
God's sacrifice of Jesus, removes the dirt that once stained my face...

beauty from the breakdown:
God working in hearts and rescuing people from death to everlasting life.

bruised from failure now stronger from hardships
fractured by separation now complete in Christ
broken by lies now firm in the truth
sore from doubt now rebuilt in faith
torn by guilt now redeemed by conviction
cut from pride now clothed in humility

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20

God, I love you.
Thank you!

kp

from inside the looking glass

2010-03-01T18:31:00.006-05:00

it is one of those nights where it felt right to sit back and reflect.

tonight I focus on my singleness and what God has been teaching me - esp over the last year. i examine, what i am doing with my time and if I am serving with everything i have - to seeing His kingdom grow.

i want to follow scripture. i want to one day be the wife that I hope that God will bless me to be. for now - the Lord says, "kristie, focus on Me and fret not about timing for My timing is perfect and worth the wait. promise"

while you were sleeping

2010-02-28T11:56:00.005-05:00

It was 4:30am and I couldn't sleep... so I thought I'd mess with some new edit features on my moviemakermedia.

basically.. while you were sleeping... I did this for kicks:

God... please check yes or no.

2010-02-07T11:32:00.011-05:00

In true commercialized holiday fashion, if you are single - you are probably more aware of your status during the month of February than any other month of the year. Point blank: I am single and yes, I am well aware.

You may know this about me already but I am pretty anti-hallmark for two reasons.
1) I like to make my own cards for friends.
2) I am not a fan of marketing on someone's emotions

So now that we've got commercialism out of the way, lets talk about the awareness aspect. My advice? Try not to let the reality of your singleness consume your heart/thought-life. This may be a foreign concept to you but singleness is actually a gift - not a curse. From a Biblical standpoint - think of this season of your life as a time where God is molding, shaping and preparing you for what will bring Him the most glory. (and c'mon, that's a pretty special place to be... you are meant for great things through Jesus!)

Here is a bit of perspective: Ok so you know how at Christmas you always get that one gift that you could have done without? Well, a lot of people feel that way about their gift of singleness. Here is a perspective that shakes me every time I let a thought like that creep into my mind:

Your doubt reflects your trust in God. (I know right. Simple but true.)

It's so hard to be patient when you establish to yourself that you like someone. You then analyze everything to a point where even the word "hey" could be taken in like 7 different ways. I'm a girl so I'll speak to girls... girls - just do your thing and be yourself. Trust God. Trust that He knows what is BEST for you and that if you wait, He'll show you what that means. Don't settle. And hey, if you like someone - pray about it, pray for him, tell your close friends and trust their discernment. Don't pursue him and cheapen it. Give it to God and be patient. That man will step-up if he is supposed to.. right?

I can't speak on behalf of guys but according to my friends.. when they actively prayed for finding a wife, they found one. Each story I know centers around them finding their wives from already established friendships that God gave the green light on. They would say to other guys: If you like someone - pray about her, have close friends pray/discern the potential relationship, pray for clarity... and then either pursue or move on. Random aside: If a friend suggests for you to consider dating someone - that's great but just be careful not to give your friend expectations of God. Take it to Him.

If you like someone - take your vision list to God and ask him to check yes or no on this person. If you aren't sure of who this person is.. ask for Him to open your eyes to discovering this person.. then.. pray. wait. respond accordingly. In the meantime, trust that God knows what you need and let Him provide. Take advantage of your gift.. you never know when God will be around the corner waiting to give you another gift. And I'll be the first one to admit that I'm excited about that day.

- kp -

in short: don't get so focused on your frustrations that you miss out on all the blessings.

do you know?

2010-01-18T21:50:00.005-05:00

Do you know.. that I'm a dork at best?

*pause project playlist to the right*
*que ping-pong song*

<3
-kp-

something to sing about

2010-01-13T23:24:00.005-05:00

After lifegroup, I sit in my den for about an hour or two and just - reflect.

Tonight as I sat in the den - I couldn't help but notice my freshly tuned guitar awaiting my attention. After having a staring contest with it... I realized that the only songs I thought of... I had no clue how to play. Well, God def sparked something in my heart. Words came to my mind and after writing them down.. it came out like a sing/songish prayer. I don't know about you... but I love when God does things like that. I wanted something to sing so He helped me to just simply articulate my thoughts.

I titled it, "Something to Sing About"

To be more of You and less of me
break my heart consistently
For it’s You I long for, You I need
Protect me from complacency

cause it's You I long for
It's You I need
Be my, be my
everything

To lose myself in search of You
Reveal to me your unfailing truth
Speak to me and consume my thoughts
Fuel my compassion to reach the lost

(repeat chorus)

To never forget the weight of sin
And the price You paid to let me live
Redemption pours down and Your blessings flow
You my God, I desperately follow.

(repeat chorus)

-kp-

Fakeosity

2009-12-27T00:44:00.011-05:00

As I sit in my hometown room at 2am.... wide awake... I look to my right and I see the sociology of law book from jr year. It's currently being used to prop up a lamp.. so I either a)felt it worthy to keep or b)couldn't sell it back to the bookstore for a worthy profit. Either way, my degree in college was focused around the study of group psychology and one of the main targets I observed dealt with behavior patterns/group health.

It bugs me to see people blatantly manipulate other people by emotional dependency desires... but at the end of the day... I hope for the best in people. You have to.

The broken world left me with this simple statement regarding fakosity*:
When there is an abundance of self-seeking motives, "people" will use their "so-called-friends" whenever necessary to achieve their goals/means.

*Fakeosity - word that I made up to describe the art of being fake -and/or - living life as a facade/charade/scam.

Ironically, nearby my socy book is an in depth study of the historical literature of the Old & New Testament. Funny how one class brought forth the problems and the other class provided the solution.

2009-12-20T12:20:00.003-05:00

Accountability

2009-10-23T12:11:00.006-04:00

Yes, I know.. I haven't been active in my postings in a hot while.
I'm back on the writing scene - I'll start with something short n' sweet.

Accountability is huge.
I could go on and on about how important and awesome community is but... like I said, this is short n' sweet. In my LifeGroup, one of the things we are doing is focusing on a target accountability question to ponder during the week.

Since we could all use depth in our thought life and/or questions to reflect upon.. I thought I'd share this with you.

1) Ask yourself.
2) Answer honestly.

Did you spend significant time with God through His Word, prayer, quiet time, devotions, and/or other spiritual disciplines (today/this week)? How much? How constant?
Is He your driving force?

If you struggle with intentional conversations with the people you are walking through life with - accountability questions make for great revolutions.

<3

kp

crush our pride & take our idols too.

2009-09-07T20:54:00.003-04:00

"I don't wanna spend my whole life asking, "What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?" - matthew west

Our pride makes us feel like we have certain rights...
Our pride masks the grace that we got but never deserved...

So... what is your functional god?
-what do you "idolize" in your life?
-what consumes your thoughts/time?
-where do you sacrifice your energy?
-what can you "not do without?"

Don't misunderstand my thought process on this one. Please take time to recognize the blessings in your life and give proper thanks for them. Blessings are good things & heck yah, be passionate about what you are into and what God has given you! It only becomes an issue when you take those things and sit them on a throne. Yeah, it sounds a bit harsh but it's true. Turning a good thing into a God thing - always becomes a bad thing. There is a reason these gods don't completely satisfy all of your needs... it's because they can't.

<3
-kp-

went to mexico and...

2009-08-13T13:03:00.007-04:00

... here is my feedback.

1) Love has no language barrier.
2) The art of pure sacrifice reveals unconditional humility.
3) Respect is earned through actions more than words.
4) Compassion speaks volumes within even a glance.
5) Having your heart broken by God is something to be thankful for because it's the only way to open your eyes to the things you've seen and open your heart to the lessons you've learned.
6) Allowing yourself to become transparent to those around you 'as a family' opens beautiful doors for encouragement and guidance.
7) I am blessed and I need to evaluate what that means.
8) I am rich compared to most - so what am I doing with what I have.
9) Appreciate everything - let nothing slip through the cracks of contentment.
10)Don't waste time thinking about doing something - get up and just do it.

Love.

If you want the detailed part.. read onward.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:19

In my obedience to follow scripture, I joined a team from Midtown and embarked on a mission trip to the Yucatan Peninsula. We spent the mornings helping to construct churches in Colonia Milagros and Rancho Viejo. Midtown has a mission partner in Mexico "Alfonso" that helped us out a TON while we were out there. We got very lucky in having the staff take us in so warmly and quickly. They rocked.

In preparing for the trip, Alfonso wrote us a letter in which I would like to share a bit of with you regarding the villages we were involved with. (in regards to their economic standing..)

“…These communities are experiencing rapid growth. In just three years the population has grown from 5,000 people to 15,000 people. The average citizen ears $30 per week – some earn much less. The government has done a poor job helping these people. They have little training, no education and there is very little social assistance to aid their desperate situations. They see incredible wealth and frivolous spending all day long, then they go home to their shack or cinder block home. Their poverty is very oblivious to them…”

We worshiped through serving as we welcomed in the surrounding poverty stricken communities. I hope that we showed them that wealth is relative bc our debt is paid in full through Jesus Christ. God already met “our” biggest need by sending His son to give us salvation through that abundance of grace. No amount of income can take that away.

We hosted a children’s camp "VBS style" during the afternoons.. and it was oh so rad. I speak little-to-no Spanish but the beauty of it all... love has no language barrier. I had the best time hanging with the kids and they never seemed to care that I couldn't speak in their language. They were awesome. Their parents were some of the most trusting parents I've ever met. They never once hesitated to let us love on their kids.

We also drove around the streets and handed out clothes to the people nearby. We went to each respected house and offered them clothing for their family. I wish I could express how it felt to see their respect, humble acceptance and tearful joy of simply receiving an old, not super attractive, t-shirt.

I know, right?
Tip: Be thankful.

sitting at the table

2009-08-12T09:27:00.003-04:00

"I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery"
-bright eyes-

Would you cash in your chips if you knew that you were losing?
-or-
Would you stay in the game.. sucked in from the risk of it all?

Honestly, I'd rather know that I was working towards a result than waiting around for ridiculous odds. Even still, why do I sometimes keep cards glued to my chest as if luck will manipulate the hypothetical?

i wish you well

2009-07-03T14:44:00.003-04:00

I ran home, felt like a kid again
Like I did way back when
Eyes open wide, I came here to hide
And so it goes

Few days shy of 25
Alone again, wondering why
No one stays by my side
And so it goes

I don't wanna know what love is
I'm just trying to exist
And I'd like to think you'll be back after this
Oh but I know you don't believe it

There are pieces of you here
That just won't disappear
At least for another year
So I wish you well my friend
Cuz I know you won't be back again

I've never felt so
Half of what I am
So lights out
Lets do this again

Tomorrow's on hold
When I'm missing conversations
And coming off cold

I'll take the fall
And blame this all on me
For the sake of hiding
What created this catastrophe
Where every day's a heartbreak
And it hurts to be awake
And so it goes

You don't have to convince me
The truth is in your words
When I wake it will be me
Still being absurd
And so it goes

swallow the verbal vomit

2009-06-24T09:24:00.004-04:00

The healthiest way I know to express myself is through either writing or dance and well, writing seems like the only logical outlet right now.

When I write, I have a few seconds to think about what I'm going to say before I’m caught up in a moment where verbal vomit takes the best of me. So this is for the best right now. Something happened yesterday that upon notice, made my blood burn within my core. So in the nicest way possible, allow me to cover up the sentiment as I construct this blog. I shall creatively deconstruct my thoughts in a somewhat related fashion to my motivation without being too obvious. Yes, it’s a sick art I've perfected: how I can be quite direct while being as vague as possible.

Theme 1: Terms that people should not throw around include:
Theme2: If it’s not your business, keep it that way.

Terms that people should not throw around: ANYTHING RELATIONAL WITHOUT INTENTION, TRUTH, MEANING. Empty words are like cavities to the soul. Yes, you can quote me on that. Flattery is empty and damaging to the spirit. Words of mindless gibberish quickly clutter ones perspective and that is the equivalence of taking someone and pushing them into a wall – over and over and over again.

If you do not “love” someone – do not say, hey blank – I love you.
Now, I get it – we all “love” each other – and depending on what you believe – you prob should so .. awesome.. but that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. It sickens my stomach when I know people have been dating for like 2 weeks and they are throwing around, “I love you” like it’s going out of style. You can like someone but stop expressing/confusing that love with romantic – I could marry you – “love”

“say what you mean and mean what you say” – it’s that simple.

Someone did that to me once after like 3 weeks of hanging out and it of course -freaked me out. I turned to this random person and said, “You love me? Do you? What about me is it, what depth do you know about my life, my heart, what relationship have we developed that backs up my character – examples?” So yes, I make things awkward but I mean, c’mon.

Also, keep up with pop culture – if you are dating someone – I assume that to mean that you are in a committed relationship. We are not in the 1950’s and to court/date someone does not mean the same things today. We must be up-to-date on the lingo. If you have been on a date with someone, then it is what it is. Please don’t go around saying that you are “dating” said person if it’s not a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario, or just don’t do it around me. Thanks in advance.

“keep it simple, stupid”

Lastly,
If it’s not your business, stop selling it.
Seriously, emotional strain cuts deeper than any knife and it painfully scars where no neosporin can touch.
GOSSIP? Kill it and walk away. THINK FOR YOURSELF. DONT DOUBT YOUR INTELLIGENCE, GROW UP.
Gossip spreads like cancer and it nearly has the same effects, so just stop. If it’s not your story, why are you telling it? Get your own. I’m not saying, don’t talk about your friends to your friends and share fun memories – I’m saying stop being malicious, immature, self-seeking, prideful, arrogant, nosey and judgmental in talking about someone behind their back.

Even if you didn’t think it was a bad idea – assume it always is and you won’t have to worry about it. **on the other side of the coin, if you hear a rumor – please consider the source. If you are ever in question of something you overhear that may involve you – contact the actual person who allegedly “said” these things. Be mature and get to the truth of the mature before you make your next move. If anything, do it for yourself.

-kp-

Literate and Stylish

2009-05-28T23:49:00.004-04:00

Something about this summer feels like it's time for me to pick up my guitar and start writing songs again. I miss the days where I would just sit underneath the stars... strumming out my autobiography as I took in the beauty of the night air.

So my guitar needs proper tuning but my pen anxiously awaits the page.
No, I won't post my stuff - that's creepy but from time to time you might get a glimpse.. glimpse #1

Burn

we are oh so typical in the circles we run..
i tire at the thought of long races in the sun...
where no one wins because everyone lies...
there is no truth...
just our seasoned disguise..

I need you like water in my lungs.

2009-05-23T14:35:00.005-04:00

..this story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear..

No matter what sheltered world you have created for yourself... you will still face a day when your world is wrecked, your day is ruined and you feel like the fates of the universe are against you. You are then left with two options.

Option one: Get over it, get over yourself, learn something.. and move on.
Option two: Sulk, complain, pity yourself, self-loathe.. and stay depressed.

Picture this: It's a crazy hot day outside and you just bought yourself the best ice-cream cone you've ever had but.. in your excitement... you dropped it! What moments ago brought you joy now brings you heartache. Your treat is now a puddle on the steaming pavement below. What do you do now? Do you say, "well that sucks, haha"
Or do you bend over and proceed to lick up the gravel stricken substance in a desperate attempt to save the misfortune that occurred?

I think most people live their lives in such a way that they are constantly staring at the ground in hopes of reversing life. Some people are so fixated on the puddle of ice-cream on the ground that they miss the nearby ice-cream truck that is giving away free cones. No amount of staring at that puddle will reverse or bring that cone back to your grasp.

advise: Stop complaining about what you think is wrong with your life. Focus on the good things that you have been blessed with. Concentrate on what you have versus complaining for what you don't. Don't sell yourself short by licking the pavement when you could just laugh and get a cup next time with hopes the fate of your next treat will result differently.

Sure, vent when venting is needed but not for vain attempts of self-worship. Seek advice for growth and perspective on how to move on in a healthy way. If you compare your life to someone else, you will never be satisfied. The grass is always greener so learn to accept the life you've been given and rock it bc the world does not revolve around you and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can learn to let go of the trivial things that weigh you down.

Not trying to be rude but:
To those people that intentionally unload their hypothetical melodramas on others for constant attention - you are like poison to me. Poison that numbs the friendship and spreads rampant through my veins and skews my view of you. I love you for what it's worth but if you attack me with your fictitious woes just for mere attention, you are poison to your own spirit and just know, there comes a point when my health can't afford to let you tangle my nerves... just for your amusement. Taking advantage of friendship just to make yourself feel better is pretty sick and I breathe a lot easier without it.

Am I correct to defend the fist that holds this pen?

2009-05-03T13:38:00.006-04:00

Your tongue is a rudder, it steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you... come off course while you sleep. Sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef.

**If you don't want to read this, don't get mad if you do**

1) Break the legs off the beloved pedestals you've built and look people in the eyes.
I'm completely ok with respecting people, having positive role models in your life and being so touched by someones existence/example that you value them at a higher cost than your average stranger. I am completely not ok with people setting such people on unrealistic pedestals and turning respect into worshiping practices of flattery in hopes of social status/networking/ego filling gain.

I feel like I see this all too often. People have lost understanding of how to go about friendships properly. Friendship stems from attraction to personality and interest in wanting to know someone better - you extend kindness and roll with it. You develop a seesaw effect of a give and take relationship for friendliness. I feel that the people who don't feel such affections reciprocated - put those they seek approval by atop of a "tower of worthiness" and henceforth, attempt to worship them in order to be accepted. It is quite frustrating to see bc these situations are not good for either party involved. The worshiper is putting their identity in an idol and the person being worshiped is either freaked out - or egocentric enough to allow it to continue when they should hopefully know better.

I have people that I respect and look up to - of course - but at the end of the day, I'm not breaking my neck to fixate on their lives. Maybe it's just me but I see a lot of this going down and it makes me sad. If you speak of your identity being in.. ex. Christ - check your heart - is it?

Next:
2) Passive-aggressive subtext
I'm sarcastic. I'm aware of this default that I so comfortably sink into. Thus, feel free to bring me out about it as I speak from both sides of my mouth on this one. Point blank: If you have something to say - freaking say it. I'm good at banter so I can pick up on this behavior and over analyze your mannerisms and subtext quicker than you are aware. Even if I'm not directly involved, it bugs me to see the merit of conversations get lost based on someones attempts of being obscure. In actuality, you are being more clear than crystal in such situations. I'm ever so guilty of covering truth with a joke or a backhanded jab via my quick wit. (most commonly when in the midst of distracting the notion of a potential conversation that I'm not prepared to have) Because being direct is something I've dealt with - I can easily spot it in someone else.

Yet, who gains anything from subtext? Why are you so afraid to be open? All it does is creates mindless overanxious concepts in someones mind that leads to various assumptions that are hardly ever the truth. I've found that a lot of people with these behaviors are insecure and are so overwhelmed with conviction/guilt/etc that they hide behind 'the mask of conversation subtext angle.' I'm someone who feeds off of impressions I get from others and if subtext takes precedent over actual conversation, not for my lack of trying, then I back off efforts bc it's clearly not my issue to take charge of at that point. You might be a coward if...

3) Actions speak louder than words because words hold no weight without motion.
Actions speak volumes. Actions give words their meaning. This relates to both of my previous rants. (esp with the passive aggressive subtext bc verbiage is only half the battle) Running away from someone and/or looking down at the ground to avoid eye contact typically means that someone is afraid/embarrassed/ or convicted of something. In those cases, why not seek redemption? Why not talk face to face and bridge the gap of dysfunction? Just as someone is constantly doing their work in the office without need for recognition - actions speaking volumes of their work ethic. Just as a mother who doesn't like to cook, provides a meal to her family every night - what an action of love.

You can determine a lot of discernment of someones character by how they live their lives and how they relate to others. Maybe because I studied this in college and I feel like I owe myself gratification for dissecting situations but... I mean.. like it or not, people are watching. If you are saying to yourself, "I don't give a crap about what other people think of me or what I do" - then you have more pride issues than you'd like to admit. The point is: if you put yourself in the spotlight of someones life - be prepared of the repercussions of undesirable behavior. Nobody is perfect - clearly, look at me if you want that verification - but based on what I notice - I am left with no choice but to express myself.

4)Practice what you preach. Me, you - everyone.

Oh Hey Perspective!

2009-04-20T09:21:00.003-04:00

x.evaporated.x

Sudden events necessitate being out of touch and I currently face such delays in my daily existence.

"Accept things as they are and change your schedule. These things happen!"
ziiiing.

sarcasm is a crutch for the weak and sometimes I'm downright fluish.

be still and wait

2009-04-13T23:33:00.003-04:00

Quiet subtext speaks volumes of analytical depths in times of deafening silence.

I feel that sometimes/in certain situations - words are either:
a) not good enough
b) lost in your mind
c) swallowed back into your heart

It's in moments like that when silence means everything.
And I know you know what I mean.
When your tongue goes numb and you become almost shy of language all together.

I am amazed at how loud silence can be.
There is great power in few words with exact intention.

Silence turns us inward to our thoughts and perceptions.
Insert my over analytical nature here.

As I undergo this process of patience, I pray that clarity will work it's magic like Windex on smudged glass.

Good Friday part 2.. read part 1 first.

2009-04-10T15:24:00.004-04:00

So if you read part 1 first (which you should do now if you are reading this message first) you know I'm all about this weekend.

Bittersweet.

This weekend is also incredibly difficult for me at times.
This is the weekend that marks two deaths of two people in my family.
John Thomas Flynn. (my father)
Brady Thomas Flynn. (my nephew)

Yes, it is almost chilling that these deaths center around Easter. And for that, I have had to deal with some serious issues with God in the past. Alas, with death comes life and a new hope. It is in that I trust that they both are in a grand place where neither of their hearts will hold pain or unpleasant circumstance. Peace.

Even so.. it's hard.
Tomorrow I am going to Sumter to do help my Mom with an Easter Egg hunt at my hometown church.. then have lunch with my family and then after.. I'm going to the cemetery to visit their graves.. before returning to Columbia.
I will sit in silence and stumble upon words as no words ever seem quite right.
It is humbling.
Our time is short and when our purpose is fulfilled, we are sealed to joining Him in His kingdom.

So why are we so selfish here on earth? Because we love.

I want to encourage you to take heart in this season of your life and just really let people know how you feel about them. Be open and honest - you have nothing to lose. But if you let that moment slip away - it may be the last one that you ever have.

With death - comes new life.
Easter.
Bittersweet.

Love to the Tips of your Fingers.

make it count

Good Friday

2009-04-10T14:28:00.005-04:00

Picture this if you will.

exhibit A: A pretty legit dude, being obedient to his Father, doing his thing - sharing this rad message of peace and love.
exhibit B: Everyone else.

So, the people in this lil area of the world... in large part.... are not ok with the power that encompasses this guy. They don't get why people believe the things he says or why people follow him around doing what this dude proclaims as truth. The people think.. "who the bleep does he think he is?.. he is NOT the king!"
Matthew 27:11

The people outside the clique want to do whatever they can to see this guy put to death. They didn't mess around back then. They want all the power for themselves. This guy is so confusing to them and yet oddly valuable and important to how the society is evolving... that even a friend is willing to rat his buddy out just for a couple bucks.
Mark 14:10-11.. so breaking.. Matthew 26:47-50

I can't imagine being this guy. Stop and think about all of the possible emotions that must be going through your head. Knowing how good these people could be or how much love they could have if they just listened. Watching them rip the flesh off of your back. Being straight-up beaten to a mild existence only to then carry a large cross... a freaking long way.. up to a place where you would then be laughed at until death overcame your body. All the while.. being mocked.
Matthew 27: 27-31

Guess what though... this guy proved all those jokers wrong.
His death had purpose and His obedience to God, brought this to light.
He did not let death overcome HIM.

Oh yes, 3 days later God was like... boom. done.
Jesus came back! Easter! WHAT?!

Ok so you can read my previous post on my feelings of Salvation but I'll touch base a little bit in this blog as well.

Jesus died a death I deserved to die for. For the sins I commit. For the sins you commit. I'm talking about the little things and the big things. With every whip across His body, with every nail that pierced through His tender flesh, with every drop of blood that hit the dirt.... it was for you and me.

Please let the reality of that sink in a bit.
I know we can't fully understand the complete magnitude of grace we are given but at least attempt to meditate on that concept.

Yes, Jesus died and came back so that you and I could have eternal life in the name of Jesus Christ. He paid our debts for us so that we may know Him - God - feel the Holy Spirit in our lives and live in such a way of Truth, belief, and faith - that we can one day live in Heaven with our Savior.
Matthew 28. Yep the whole chapter.

victory.

Tetelestai

2009-04-07T22:18:00.005-04:00

I've wanted a tattoo for a long time but I've made myself wait until I felt it was right. I figured, if I had to second guess the symbolic branding of my flesh then I should hold out until I didn't have a shred of doubt.

Well, I found my symbol and it comes in a word.
The word comes from Ancient Greek and it is: Tetelestai.

I'd love this to be put in a cool font on my wrist, black, not huge.. just enough for me to be constantly reminded of the meaning behind the text.

So what is the meaning behind the text?
Good question.

"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit" John 19:30

Jesus sacrificed His life in the most incredible way imaginable. He payed the price, my wages of sin, so that I may come to know the Trinity and have salvation through knowing His beautiful grace. He suffered on the cross because of our sinful nature. He bled for our transgressions. And He "finished/completed/paid our debts" for us due to His love and hope for us. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! I mean, really.

I want this tattoo to remind me that my debt is paid-in-full.
A reminder that Jesus loves even a sinner like me and above all else, He is my everything.

Long story short, I don't know when this is going to happen but it will happen when the time is right and it will serve as a daily reminder of the grand price Jesus paid for my salvation.

KP

Forgive Me

2009-04-05T23:21:00.003-04:00

My apologies.

I feel that I need to openly apologize to those that I may have come in contact with tonight during my half-asleep mode. Looking back…. I think my exhaustion may have come across as apathetic and I want to clearly state that if you got that impression from me - I am truly sorry.

My heart was in the right place tonight but my mind was elsewhere at times. Yes, my mind was screaming for rest but I haven’t let it rest bc I haven‘t been able to get much sleep lately and it affected me more than I was aware. I completely suck for letting that determine my behavior.

Anyway, God woke me up during the service - He is good about that - and afterward I was back to my semi-normal self. I just wanted to apologize for those fam loves that I might of spoken to earlier when I was out of it. If you felt something was off.. It was totally me, not you,. I am unaware of how shy I become when I am inwardly exhausted.

Working on it.
Please forgive me.

Today is a Gift

2009-04-04T15:21:00.004-04:00

Today is a gift, not a given.

Lets get serious.
How often do you properly give thanks for each day?
I mean really, really give thanks for your existence.

I feel like we all falter in this area sometimes because it's so easy for us to take our lives for granted. I feel that we slack off in our appreciations due to distracting behaviors and egocentric tendencies. We become so involved in the discovery of ourselves that we let the quest for self become our identity.

I posted a while back about my feelings of Identity in Christ and how amazing that is.. so I won't get into that now. Look back if you want a ref point.

Ok so, we all have purpose. We have a reason that we are here.
How encouraging. Be thankful for your little part in this masterpiece.
Without each part, the puzzle would fall short of it's design and intention.

p.s. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I am happy to report that my health is much better know and my liver has been healed. Praise.

Did we ever REALLY leave middle school?

2009-03-26T18:11:00.002-04:00

Good Question.

-more on what I mean later tonight.

________________________________________________________________

Ok - I'm back.

So, I'm going to take a moment to laugh at myself. I posted that I would explain what I meant by the above statement.. but I never did.
What I did do - was verbally have a discussion of this to friends and in that, I vented the topic out of my system. I forgot that I agreed to transpose those thoughts into text. My bad.

Basically, the sociologist in me has been on overdrive lately. I've always been fascinated by crowd mentality and inter social relationships. Why do people gravitate towards other people? Is it just because of circumstance or is there something more? Is there a motive? A need? An attraction of personality? Fate?

I have my own answers and thoughts to each of those questions based on what I think about people and how we were created - and that's all good and jolly but where I get into feeling middle schoolish is when I come into situations where I notice what I like to call, "desperation for approval."

Why do people care about what others think of them?
Now, it's one thing to practice what you preach and want to be seen in doing so to set a positive spin on being a good role model but it's a completely other issue to want to do things on purpose to be seen or liked by a certain crowd.

Yet, we are all guilty of at some point - wanting to be accepted, liked and loved in such a way that we feel included/accepted. Again, that's ok - we all want to be loved... but some of us go to annoying measures of needy behaviors to accomplish those goals. My advice?

Be yourself and don't compromise what you believe/the Truth.

What have I learned over the years?
I have friends.
I have people that I like to be around.
I like to hangout with those people, given the opportunity.
I like to meet people and learn about them regardless of who there are.
If a friendship forms - awesome - nurture it, cherish it. Learn. Grow. Love.

Doing things just to be noticed, for the most part, is pretty lame in my opinion. I'm not talking about like a dude going out of his way for a girl to notice him.. bc that's different stuff all together... but I'm talking about straight-up making a dramatic scene into everything just for people to point a giant spotlight on your stage. This coming from someone who considers herself to be an entertainer of sorts, I know right?

I care about God and my goal is to live according to how we are called to live.
It's not about me.
I'm accepted by Him and I trust that I can be myself with the people I call friends/family.. that's legit.

-KP-

where are you now?

2009-03-17T23:53:00.003-04:00

Where have I been lately?

Internally sorting through thoughts in my head.

I bit my tongue to keep from speaking.. bc everyone says, "emotions are fleeting" yet my emotions are grounded in over analyzed truths, so that's how I know such honesty is pure. God holds the clock that I wish that I held... but I have to let go and trust in His will instead.

l.o.v.e

2009-03-10T17:30:00.002-04:00

there are certain people that I owe this too.

thank you to all of my friends for being there for me, always.
i could name drop here but i dont believe in that.

if you are in my life, we are friends - you know who you are without me having to say a word.

the last week has rocked my world and a typical me thing to do would be to keep it all in and not tell anybody. thank you to those who heard my cry and followed up on it.. be it silent prayers or words of encouragement.. no words can express my appreciation and value of our friendships.

I am truly blessed.

Seriously?

2009-03-07T22:25:00.003-05:00

Ok, I just have to vent this out real quick.

Tonight I had a horrible experience at a local gas station.

I was just pumping my gas when some dude came over to where I was pumping the gas and he just... stood there, looking at me. Sketch.
I just ignored him as best as possible and kept on pumping my gas.
He walked away and then a few seconds later - one of the 3 guys throws a beer can at me. Yes, he threw a beer can at me and then said, "b*tch, pick that up."
Are you kidding me?

I bit my tongue, just stopped pumping gas - looked inside the store to see if there was a dude working or a girl, it was a young girl - So I started walked to my get in my car and then another one of the dudes starting yelling at me.

I can't even being to bleep out type the horrible things he said to me.
He basically told me things that I should do to him and where I should go.
It was graphic and it was pathetic.

I got in my car to avoid my talking back and starting more drama. I went to get their plate number but they drove off.

I almost feel violated.

Seriously.
Did that just happen?

evaporated

2009-03-05T23:34:00.002-05:00

Girl sits at desk.
Girl gets phone call.
Girl stares at computer screen, perplexed.
Girl stutters in confusion to the person who called.
Girl breaks down.
Girl folds inward.
Girl feels alone. worthless. helpless. broken.

And then she is suddenly surrounded by love, kindness and scripture.
Girl realizes, she is not in this alone.
Girl realizes there should be no bitterness, just more faith.
Girl realizes that she is loved in ways she never understood before.
Girl realizes God blesses her through her unfortunate circumstance.

So this week has been rough to say the least.
In a matter of moments, I went from feeling great to feeling horrible.
When the nurse called me and told me vital information in an empty, curt tone - I felt as if I had been beaten and left bleeding on the curb. I know that seems a bit extreme but that's how I felt in that minute of time. There was nobody else in the world, just me. I guess my problem is stated in that sentence.
I could've written an entire bside disc filled with sadness. The feeling of, why doesnt anything ever work.

It's so hard for me sometimes to be positive about things I am a realistic about. I felt as if that phone call was a bad attempt to seal a fate that I dont agree with.

My heart crys when I flashback to thinking about the last time I saw my Dad's face. Flashing back to the pain he must've felt. Flashing back to a lot of things that I refuse to cheapen through text but just trust me... that is nothing that I want any of my family or friends to have to deal with as far as I am concerned.

I'm going to do what I have to.
Live my life as perusal and live according to what I believe.

God is in control... please remind me of that in my moments of weakness:
When I feel sick.
When I feel defeated.
When I feel bitter about being somewhat helpless.
When I feel like a burden.
Remind me, just remind me of the cross.

God is a healer.

decode

2009-02-26T21:42:00.007-05:00

As the title of this may suggest, I've been on a Paramore kick the last few days.

Don't you wish that you could just buy a box of cracker jax (forgive the cliche) and find the awesome prize of.. ta daaa: a decoder ring! Only.. it serves as a ring of truth. zing!

Yeah, I know that sounds kinda childish.
The whole idea of being being honest with ourselves as well as others.
I've come to realize that most people are only as honest as they are expected to be.
That is prolly the most emo thing I've said in a while.

I think truth/honesty is SUPER important.

That being said - I feel like the idea of honesty is something super hard for most Christians. Doesn't that seem ironic? I think it's because of the misguided pressures that we put upon ourselves. When we think things are all about us - we compare ourselves to others in such a way that creates major internal/spiritual problems. The hope to break from that pattern comes from praying for forgiveness, humility and to trust God with everything. In the same way, if we go around thinking it's all about us - and we dont re-channel our perceptive through grace and what that means in our relationship to Christ - we are left feeling guilty, sinful and worthless. I say.. repent and focus on how that can change. Lay your burdens at the cross. Jesus loves us and through his blood, we are saved. How awesome. It's nothing WE did but yet His favor is upon us... we are adopted into His kingdom.. sweetness. So lets be honest with ourselves and realize it's not about us.. bc that is the honest truth.

I have such respect for honesty.

just. do. it.

2009-02-19T18:26:00.008-05:00

I'm finally at a place of enough economic stability that I can join a gym.. so.. that's exactly what I did. Hooray!

I'll be the first to admit that I have been.. more so recently... lazy in my workouts. There is no excuse for this.

If my body is a temple - I should take better care of it.
Right?

As I focus on making my heart clean and my thoughts pure via Jesus... I'm happy to finally not have an excuse to be lazy on keeping my body fit - to align with the concept of cleansing/purity for all aspects of my life.

It might seem stupid to you.. this idea of how I compare keeping a good physical body as well as spiritual mindset.. but hey - it works for me.

Question. Is it just me.. or do you tend to reflect a lot when you are at the gym.

Maybe I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now.... understatement of the year?

Good thing God is in control bc... I alone.. am nothing without Him.

God is Amazing

2009-02-16T12:23:00.004-05:00

It's not about me, it's about Him.

Though I falter and break, I am constantly pushing towards Christ and it's so great pushing towards Him alongside family. Thanks to everyone in my life that is there for me, keeping me on point and just showing me grace personified through relational interactions.

I took this photo in WV yesterday.
My heart is thankful for this image being in my memory bank. (along with several more from this weekend... of course. I had a great time!)
Rad:
-rd trips (hours of bonding)
-getting to know people better (and sincerely wanting to know more)
-learning something new (snowboarding)
-not giving up on learning something new (see above)
-building upon existing friendships (always awesome)
-new scene (snow.. beautiful)
-random mini-adventures (getting lost)
-making dinner (being creative)
-playing games (hanging out)
-and the best part: God being the center of it all. Truly, this is how everything is meant to be.

Now, you can add this to your memory bank too.. bc.. umm... God is quite the painter.

Praise Up.

it's the little things..

2009-02-11T19:48:00.012-05:00

that get you going sometimes.
I live for the little things in life.

So normally, I would not have taken the time to:
a)email myself a picture from my phone
b)amp it up
c)post it on here

but it was a rather special tree so I figured I would go for it.

I found much beauty in this tree. On my 10 minute break, I came outside to be near it. The tree, me, a pen and paper... yes, it's moments like this make my heart warm. You know.. what I mean? The weather.. so comfortably confused between warm and windy....then God flat out inspires me through this image of his hands. I dig when my eyes truly open to nature. Not just the wow of the ocean, the sky... but as simplistic as the pedal on the daisy, in the flower bed, by the door. Amazing.

If you read my long post from a week or so ago, you know ive been thinking a lot about identity and spiritual gifts lately. I've made a lot of ground in getting into the heart of Christ in me and what I 'bring to the table' so to speak. To be honest, that is the part I struggle with the most.

On a similar note: I will say that I have that 'things are falling into place' kinda vibe. And... it's such a refreshing/comforting feeling. Columbia feels good to me right now. (it's never really felt like 'home' to me before but God is calling me to be here and I get that now. I hear it and I respect it.)

I feel called for something and I listen.. but it's not clear to me yet. All I know is that right now - I'm called to BE in Columbia. I'm called to BE at my new job. (even though I have never had any desire to be in this type of industry...im learning that with this job - it's a great opportunity to help people and witness and that's pretty rad..)

I still remember sitting in my room thinking, "maybe I'll move back to Sumter.." I broke down and thought about packing up. In that moment, I asked God about it and a few hours later.. I got a job offer I couldn't refuse. Timing is so key in our lives, isn't it. God's Time. Not Kristie's Time. Sometimes I think I own the clock of life but in reality, I can barely wrap my mind around the concept.

This blog is getting longer than I planned. I need to go study.

Oh, sidebar: I know 5 people that have gotten engaged over the last month. CRAZY. And I'm in two weddings coming up here soon. And now, I have a few friends in new relationships - good, healthy, God-Centered relationships and Im super happy for all of them. Yet I had a convo with someone who was quite bitter on the relationship topic and so.. if you are bitter... here is something to think about:

I'm sorry if you were ever in a bad, unhealthy relationship. I've been there. I know, it sucks. Don't let that person crumble your spirit - it wasn't right, obviously. Hopefully you can take it as a learning experience. On the other hand, if you were in a good relationship, again ive been there too, and it still didnt work out.. that means.. it still wasnt right.

You see for me - I've never had a truly healthy relationship. What do I mean by that? Where was God? He was in my heart, not in his. Are we still friends? Oh yah, most def. Were we meant/designed for each other? Not at all.

If you are bitter, just think about it more deeply.
Are YOU ready? Is your heart in the right place. Are you truly pushing yourself to grow as you are OK with the gift of singleness?
And if you are...
then guess what. Maybe he isn't ready yet. Maybe he still has to work out some issues that you don't know about. IDK?!

Point: Trust in God's timing. It's sucha hard thing to do sometimes, esp when we have desires in our hearts. For me? I've got faith. I'm def OK with resting in God's timing and blessings. He provides for us even when we take Him for granted. The purity of grace.

Ok, I'll wrap with this: if it helps you: make a "dating profile" to clarify your vision. Scripture backs this uppppp. Prov 29:18

This is getting super real here but I'm so serious about people having a healthy perspective, Ima share a few of mine with you. I made this in 2007 and it's still true bc I refuse to settle.

-believes in God. 2 Cor 6:14. <-- Tru Story.
-a Spiritual Leader. a must, must, must.
-someone I respect and can show that respect to. someone I can build up and encourage. Serve alongside.
-someone I can trust and confront in grace when it calls for it.
-someone with passion, energy and uses it in a positive way
-must have a sense of humor, im kinda sarcastic.. so im a fan of friendly banter and clever wit.. i appreciate it.
-must love music. not nec the same kinda music but music. a lil bit of dance involved would be a SWEET plus since both are passions of mine
-must care about fitness (working out, being healthy without hardcore crazy about it bc.. i make cookies.. and stuff.. when the mode strikes)
-doesnt mind coffee shops bc i like to freq them
-totally down with traveling
-of course, at this point in the list - the natural attraction is there
-etc. that's all ya get.

ok, I exposed myself in text only as needed to stress a point. girls talk with girls, guys talk with guys. have accountability in matters of your heart. pray together.

and plz, be intentional. if you like a girl/guy - respect their heart and be intentional. im all about taking it slow and getting to know someone but just dont be 'that person' that turns on the ego and rolls with it to whoever is nearby to be in the fan club. i will never fake any signs of potential in something when there is none. there is just no need to hurt someones heart or your own for that matter. keep it real and legit.

Get yo' vision.
If someone comes to mind after thinking, writing, praying about this.
Pray some more - God knows the desires of your heart.
Let him do his thing but make sure to listen if he tells ya to step up.
(ive heard so many stories lately about fear holding ppl down.. let go, Let God. Not to be cheese.. but c'mon, be real)

That said.. here are a few more 'out of context' teacherisms from class today:

"the monkey of responsibility"
"a gate keeper, like in ghostbuster"
"i kissed that. i kept is super simple"
"alright, lets talk... as jay leno would say"
"ET was an alien"
"until the cows come home from texas"
"i got you in lock down"
"bonified"

a day just like any other..

2009-02-09T18:30:00.002-05:00

... only it wasnt.

Today at 7:45am I sat in a classroom with 7 other young professionals.. all with the desire of passing our Insurance Boards on Friday.

One week. 10 hours a day. LOTS OF INFORMATION. You don't even know the half ot it. It's pretty intense. The most shocking part of today was the fact that I didn't fall asleep during the lectures. I drank nasty coffee, covered my hands with ink and highlighter, and listened to a prof throw what seemed like a 1000 new terms at my face... and I was seemingly ok with it all.

background: I'm not going to be selling insurance but I do work in the industry "assisting in sales" so they want me to take the boards as a way to give me a clear understanding of the big picture.. and the 100000000 details that go along with it.

Needless, I made it through the day. Thank goodness I have a quirky teacher that entertains my typically easily distracted nature.
Her catch phrases included:
"ive been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it - ok"
"guys and gals"
"the monkey agent on your back, pullin ya down"
"yo, im cool with that"
"it is what it is" ---- always in response to how intense this course is.

Not to mention she rocked a sweet 80s hairstyle!

So thanks for the prayers - it's def helping. Please continue to pray for my mind to be sponge-like this week as I try to study/retain as much as possible... and of course, pass the final.

I'd be nice to go somewhere for a bit, like grab a coffee but.. I know that would distract my online practice test taking time.

Things to do...
1)figure out how to email this application bc im ready to send
2)study
3)work-out
4)study
5)coffee
6)quiet time
7)study until i pass out

but first.. music and breathing.

who am i to defend

2009-02-08T15:37:00.002-05:00

the fist that holds this pen.

putting a brief response into a single line space format is hard for me. i have issues with verbal vomit and though im working on limiting details.. it's just not my style. my poetic nature slips and it's hard to refrain. you might have to 'know' me to know what i mean. I wish sometimes I could be cut/dry.

that might not make much sense, or matter much and im ok with that.. just note that it bothers me that i struggle in appreciating my ability to be poetic. when someone asks me a question - i will answer as i see fit to be answered. that can be with one word, two words, or 1,000 words but let the record show that i will be honest with my response wichever the case may be.

on the way home

2009-02-07T10:46:00.000-05:00

"..this car hears my confessions.

I think tonight I'll take the long way"

im a visual person

2009-02-06T20:04:00.003-05:00

so to go along with my lifegroup/identity blog:

Here is a visual of the beautiful souls I kick it with.

Identity and LifeGroup

2009-02-03T22:58:00.006-05:00

From.. midtown.. family vacay.... and my own searching.. I have combined some thoughts/questions alongside some notes of what I've discovered in my quiet times. If you care to read, by all means. I had time today to blog this out. I continue to strengthen my relationship with God and wow, the idea of identity in Christ clicks now more than ever. He is doing some awesome things in my life - praise up.

Topic: Identity:
1)Describe who you are:
2)Describe what you think about who you are:
3)How do you think your view of self align with how God views you?
4)Do you TRUST God, how He made you, what he created you to do?

Three things we MUST know:
God is the Creator, God loves us, God is good aka Awesome aka Rad aka Stellar.

Identity issues stem from either Self-loathing or Pride:

The below terms as defended by dictionary.com/website:

"Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc."

"Self-Loathing: a pattern of thinking where individuals believe they are bad, worthless, evil, unsuccessful, unlovable, and/or incompetent"

Both are Sin. It's important to understand which way you come from and work through this with family. 1 Corinthians 12: 21-26

How does your self-pity/pride affect the family?

Ways we can transform our minds:
1) Experience divine power through relationships
2) Strive together toward maturity in Christ.

Ex. LifeGroup:
We have formed an authentic community in which we deeply trust each other. We spur one another onward toward spiritual growth through trying to be Christ-minded and we show that to each other in measures of love and accountability. We think believers need to seek greater understanding of sin's dynamic in their lives. We don't run away from sin issues but rather, we battle and overcome them together. We deal with the core/root issues - not ignoring the potential blind spots or obstacles that may stunt our spiritual well-being. Through our biblical community be it LifeGroup/Church fam as a whole - we must not forget the issues we often forget are issues: self-loathing and pride. We must strive (for ourselves as well as our brothers/sisters) to see seek identity in Christ. To experience this intimate community in the biblical sense, we must reveal ourselves in a way that is honest, free, thoughtful, and intentional.

"…knowing your identity in Christ so that you can make yourself known to others in a Christian community so that you can pursue a lifetime of growth in the context of community so that you are best equipped to glorify Christ by serving others… to understand our need for transformation, we must understand who we are currently, both as individuals and as members of the body of Christ"

Just some things I've been thinking about.

Daily Bread

2009-01-29T21:42:00.006-05:00

So tonight I went to get some dinner and conversate with some friends.
For the record, I'm always up for coffee, zucchini, cookies, dance and conversation. No - those elements should not nec. be combined together - but you get the picture.

So, while at dinner - there were 3 tables of midtown peeps - better known as my family - (why have I not blogged about family vacation yet?!) and it was totally cool to see friendly faces as I awaited my zucchini.

So, while we were all sitting at our respected tables.. in walks yet another friendly face. He walked in and went to each of our tables to say hello. I wanted him to come and sit with us but he said he had somewhere to be and after a big hug, he went out the door on his way.

Moments later the waitress came up to us and asked us if we knew "that guy" and then she asked, "was he bothering you?"

We all said, "yes, we know him - and no, he wasn't bothering anyone..."
and the waitress said, "he used to come here all the time.. sit around like a bum"

Then a member of my family looked at the waitress and said, "he has changed"
The waitress responded with, "Well, I can tell he changed, I can see a big difference. I haven't even seen him in a long time, he seems like a different person"

And our response, "he is different, he found/has God"

To change.
To be a light in the darkness.
To let your story be a testiment to His purpose, grace, glory and salvation.
What a great opportunity of conversation to be had after such a powerful moment.

Great night at the grilled-t.

Dart Test

2009-01-28T09:07:00.006-05:00

i posted this via facebook a while back but never on here.. so if you havent read this.. go for it. this will def give ya a lil sumthin to think about. it struck something in me, i hope it does the same for you.

Dart Test...

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith . She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry , and he would allow them to throw darts at the person' s picture.

Sally ' s friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn ' t have a chance to throw any darts at her target.. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus.
A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.

Dr. Smith said only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me . '
Matthew 25:40.

No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.

I know right?

I don't understand

2009-01-19T01:05:00.002-05:00

...how people can be so distant and cold?
it breaks my heart.

So I talked to my Mom tonight and she told me a story that upset me.

An auntie of mine that lives up in Boston had an accident recently. She took a spill and fell down at a train station in the morning prier to work. She has to take the train to work.. not many people actually drive to their respected jobs that live up there bc of traffic. Anyway - she fell horribly and could not get up because the pain was so incredible.

Nobody - nobody - nobody came to her side and helped her when she fell.
People went on their way - passed by her - let her lay - on the dirty ground - in pain. As she asked for help, people continued on their merry way as if nothing was going on.

WHAT? Hearing this story lit. made me feel sick to my stomach.

Finally a girl walked by that helped my aunt up. - Thank God for her.
Turns out, my auntie broke her leg.. hence why she could not get up on her own.

I'm sorry but are you kidding me?
How hard is it to take 5 seconds and help someone in need.
How can you be so blind and ignorant?

God, please continue to give me your love for humanity. Give me your arms for the broken hearted - please reach the people who are walking around dead inside, focused on themselves and their identity in their jobs - the people that have no love or compassion for anyone but themselves. The people who refuse to have their status dented by being seen with certain people. Help me to turn this bitter feeling into a prayer for hope to be spread on those busy streets. Bless those that are good Samaritans in my life that I take for granted.

Amen.

I need the smell of summer...

2009-01-15T18:14:00.005-05:00

...i need it's noises in my ears.

So, the audio and video never really match up when I post any vids on here via the blogger uploader but none the less - it is the blog of the day. Allow it to mess with your head that it doesn't match up. Oh blogger.

Oh snap.. fo'real?

2009-01-08T23:02:00.005-05:00

Yes, it finally happened.

My trusty razr cellular device has seen better days.
(...to state the obvious)
That's right, it finally broke into two pieces. The last two years of constant dropping and falling out of my pocket have caught up with me. The ironic fact of the matter is... I can't really be mad or upset about this situation.
Why? Oh... because it still works!

In it's sad lil two piece way, it somehow refuses to give up complete hope. I admire the will of this trusty gadget. The vein/lifeline/tiny wire needed for the "connection" still remains... holding the two parts together in a purely ghetto fasion. Perphaps it's fitting. It's got my emo sad and my thug gangsta all in one hot pink mess... and to talk on the phone... well, that's just a sight you'd have to see. Alas, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Cute.

Well, my contract is supposed to be up in Feb. I hope that I can up that to.. umm.. this weekend. We'll see...

til then... fear not... you may still call/text/whateves... just know that I'll be awkwardly silly... wherever I am.. responding to you =p

-kp-

Coffee? Always.

2008-12-29T16:51:00.003-05:00

Today I write you from a cliché type of environment.

Yes, I am the girl in the corner, being emotastic - listening to music, drinking my Starbucks, reflecting on the day.

Firstly, allow me to vent about my night. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was held captive to my thoughts in such a way that I could not fall asleep. I struggle with insomnia most of the time but this was different. This was beyond border-line annoying. I wish I could succumb to the idea of taking medications to help drift me off to sleep.. but alas, that is just not my style.

Around 3am I pulled out the yoga mat and did some relaxation salutations hoping I could, at best, achieve a yoga nap. (if you’ve never had one, you are missing out)

Well, no nap.

I do have a lot of things on my mind so I guess for now, I'll chalk being alert up to that. Don't get me wrong, it’s all good things, thoughts and notions. No bad situations or worry currently reside in my brain or heart. For once, I actually have this feeling like everything is finally starting to come together for me. I am attracted to feeling this way and I am super excited about it.

In hour two of Family Matters, I started thinking about my upcoming trip to Florida. Gosh, I love to travel. I wish I could travel more. I really do. If I could just spend a year or so… traveling… oh wow… what that would do for my spirit would be nothing short of amazing. I’ve only been out of the country a few times but I’m itching to fill up my backpack and hit the road. Thus, I’ve been thinking about traveling a lot lately and with that, I would really like to go on a mission trip this year. I feel like my passions being brought together is something that should happen more often than not.

I want to go on a mission trip.(hopefully this year)
I want to travel. (always.. it's in my blood to explore)
I want to spread the word of God. (whenever opportunity presents itself)

The best mission trip I went on was in Renoysa, Mexico. I was there for about 2 weeks and it broke me in the most beautiful of ways. It was emotionally and psychically demanding - but - wow. I can't even put into words the give and take of what I got out of the trip and what I was able to do while I was there.

I hope God will reveal an opportunity like that again soon.
If there is a will - there is a way.

Alright, I’ve been at Starbucks for a while now.. I think I’ll hit the road and put a temporary clamp on my love for writing. Did I mention this mocho lite frap is making my day? Or that my bangs being back makes me happy? Or that when the sunshine touches my skin I want to do a lil dance?

Laugh at me. My meter ran out a few minutes ago so I moved from being emo to being artistic. Now I’m sitting in a corner but in the front near the window so I can watch my jeep. If I see a meter reader, consider me going for an impromptu jog out the door.

And if anyone actually reads my blog posts,
I hope you are having equally rad if not more rad day than I.

On your mark, get set...

2008-12-28T14:03:00.002-05:00

Go!

I've been busy lately with mixing songs and coming up with fun choreography. And through this process, I've realized how much I really miss dance and cheerleading. I would love to get back into something like that again. In 2009, I hope to join a gym (I've been without one for a short while due to money) and I will be doing the hiphop workout/dance combo classes for sure. Maybe that will feed my need for now. It's hard when you do something you love for... 17 years.... and then it just stops.

*Tip: Audacity is my audio-mixer of choice*

ps. I'm going to Florida in 2 days and I couldn't be more excited!

It takes me back

2008-12-25T00:32:00.002-05:00

I can officially give a shout-out to Christmas Day. Praise! :-D

So, I did the usual candle light Christmas Eve service at church and henceforth, I'm about to share some thoughts.

a) When we walked into the sanctuary.. music was playing through the speakers. Uhm, that has never happened. And to top it off, it was the stellar Hillsong with Mighty to Save! It was strange for me because this is a very traditional church body and for a long time, they were anti-anything but tradition. Back in the day, I had several people frown at me when I would introduce new forms of worship. Either way, it's totally cool. If it works, it works. It was just cool to know that these people are finally understanding if not appreciating different forms of praise.

b) Some little girls I used to teach.. are now graduating high school. They sang tonight. I am a creature of observation and in that - while one girl was doing her solo.. I focused on her father's face as he listened to her sing. (Mary Did You Know) He listened with his eyes closed and a passion for the words she sang. Yes, I almost lost it. I seriously caught myself moved to the point of tears. A beautiful moment. This man later came up to me and said a big hello and Merry Christmas. (and I don't really know how he even knew my name to be honest. He never came to church when I went)
-When I left my hometown to move to cola, I prayed that I would leave a pebble of motivation/energy behind... and at this moment, I felt that perhaps I did leave a bit of something to the youth. Maybe it was just in giving them courage to seek a voice within the family. I know getting to sing probably wasn't easy, but they did it. And in turn, they will help motivate the next group coming through.

c)After the service, I ventured upstairs to my old stomping grounds. I went to my old Sunday School room and upon entering the door.. a smell hit me like a ton of bricks. It's the smell of old people, books, stale star crunches, dr. thunder spillage, dry eraser markers... and.. oddly enough... I adore this smell. I know it sounds spectacular as all get out but.. it takes me back. I walked into the room and just stood there...alone.. reflecting on who I was then and who I am now. I like having deep conversations with others but every now and again, I like to have a good one with myself too.

And a side-note that is unrelated to moments of reflections...
I now own a sweet new camera!! I had no idea... this was a huge huge huge bit of awesomeness that added to my day. My previous camera struggles. haha. And being as though I love taking pics... t'was a magical gift. And it's pink ;-)

I'm not a shark, I'm a jet.

2008-12-21T14:31:00.006-05:00

(pre-reading note: I realize that when I give shout-outs I type directly to the person, so in case my thoughts are ever read by anyone I shout-out to.. they will have my direct words. Done)

Saying my week started off badly would be an understatement.
Saying my week ended off better than I could have imagined would also be an understatement.

Say Whaaat?

So, if you know me at all - or you read my twitter/fb/or blog.. you know that the car accident wrecked my brain and wallet almost more than the jeep itself.

Well, here is my update post that messy, foggy, Tuesday night...

I took a much needed road trip with some of my friends aka family and we ventured to see Taking Back Sunday in North Carolina. Holla! I had a great time getting to know each of the people on the trip better and the concert itself was fun/off-the-chain. Mellie and Callie, my LG, my sisters, my straight legit bond. I always enjoy spending time with you both. Mellie, you're a great bestie and I love you muchly. You have a huge part of my heart. Callie, you are like a sister and I enjoy the times we have to hang out as our friendship contines to grow. Mikey and Jwhite, I group y'all together because when I think of the trip.. I think of you both being hilarious.. together. The combined antics would make anyone laugh aloud and forget their troubles. Thanks for that! And Bailey, truth be told, I think you're pretty rad. I had a blast hanging out with you. ps thanks again for being awesome in making sure I didn't get lost in the mix during the concert!!!

I'm glad everything worked out. God Rules. Word.

Ok, in keeping with the good vibe.. the next morning I woke up to a phone call that I had been eagerly awaiting for. Yes, it finally happened! After 3 long months of doing odd modeling jobs and going on countless interviews to try to find a place to work.. I finally got the job offer I had been praying for! YES. Words can't fully describe how pure the salt was that ran down my cheeks as I gladly accepted the position.

Thus:
Thank you everyone that has stood by me, supported me and prayed for me.
You each mean so much to me and I hope that in some way/shape/form.. I repay you 10 fold. I would do anything for any of you, please know that you can come to me for anything. My phone is on 24/7 and if I don't answer, I will call you back.

I wish I could expose more feeling into this blog because I have a lot in my heart but... I'll save that for those one-on-one opportunities.. bc that's what it's about afterall.

-KP-

4am

2008-12-17T03:48:00.002-05:00

Isn't it Ironic.. don't ya think?

So, tonight I met my Life Group out for dinner. T'was rad as per usual and I left feeling good and excited for the rd trip some of us are going on tmwr. (to see one of my all time fav bands) And I thought to myself, "hey self, lets go ahead and fill up the gas tank so you have one less thing to do tomorrow"

So I'm driving down the rd, looking for the cheapest gas I can find. After realizing I had gone pretty far out and seen all of my options, I pulled into a turn lane to... well.. turn around.

I look to my right.. cars are off in the distance. (one direction road)
I turn left.
I drive.
I hear screeching tires on the ground.
I tense up.
BAM.
I feel a quick, jerking to my car and I quickly try to get off of the road as to not get in the way of anyone else driving.

Yep, I was hit.

Now, here comes the ironic part.
I have been very hesitant on driving on this rd trip tomorrow because we have 6 people and I have 5 seats in my car (as most cars) and I was thinking... strangely a lot.. about how unsafe that is. About how I was broke and couldn't afford a ticket (for not having enough seat belts) as well as.. safety.. what IF something happened.

And oh my, it happened.
Only just to me.
Which I prefer. I don't want to endanger my friends/family.

I've never been in an accident before (with me driving)
much less have someone claim it was my fault and thusly.. I got charged with a REDICK fine that I can't pay and 4pts on my license.

The guy in the van that hit me... well.. his car is crazy wrecked. His passenger door was about hanging off, mirror cracked.. the list goes on and on.

So.
I feel in my gut that God is telling me:
a) never compromise what you feel is wrong for you
b) listen to that voice telling you it's not a good idea, it's me talking here
c) it was a sign that maybe if I did drive tmwr, something worse could've happened... esp due to my extreme caution. (you know when you are over careful.. something typically happens. Just sucks bc I am an awesome driver, ugh)

It's funny how not all messages apply to all people.
For ex. I've ridden.. and driven.. countless times.. with people "improperly placed" and it's never sunk in with me as a bad idea. Just this week. How odd. It's like I knew something was going to happen.. just not what or when.

Now, now I have a horrible pain in my neck, shoulders, right arm, right leg and lower back to prove to me.. just how important seat belts are and how for me, I can't go with something I feel in my inner gut is not cool.

It's 4am and the pain is a bit much.
Job interview early.

oh OH the best part.
After the police cleared us to drive into a parking lot (it was dark as mess outside.. and yes it took the police 45 minutes to get there) guess where we were....

A Funeral Home.

Dear God,

I got your message.

A ticket is minor compared to a worse alternative,

Thanks,

KP

reflections

2008-12-05T00:52:00.003-05:00

Reflections of a Broken Heart.

I found out some news recently that has left me feeling helpless, broken and confused. My Mom received a bad flu shot recently which has left her with neuropathy problems. The shot went too deeply into her skin and it has left her with a constant full body tingling sensation. Seriously, it never stops. And at moments, it gets painful for her. She never complains about it but you can see the look on her face and it breaks my heart. What kills me more is that she had to get the flu shot because she is a teacher, all the teachers got shots that day. Yet, she is the only one left with issues she will now have for the rest of her life. She was told that there is no cure for this problem. I want to prove them wrong.

If I could take her place, I would. I would jump into her body and I would give her mine to keep. She is the most amazing person I've ever met in my life and I am fortunate to call her my Mother. I would do anything for her, without second thought or hesitation. She is my best friend, mentor, and mother. I am lucky in this, I am beyond blessed.

Why is she so awesome?
At the gas station as I was leaving to come back to cola, I felt sad and couldn't help but cry. I tried to be strong but I couldn't figure out why this amazing woman of God would have this happen to her. She touches so many lives daily.. I wish you knew... and for her to now be in pain/discomfort... it kills me.

She saw my tears, made a joke to make me smile.. but then looked at me and said.
"Do no worry for God had a reason. I'll be ok. Trust and have faith."

If you need a positive role model in your life. I'll give you her number.

I just wish I could do something. Feeling helpless and emotionally weak isn't helping matters. I had a long talk with God and I'm working through this with prayer. Maybe they can find a cure or some sort of medicine to help ease this.

I love her.
Any prayers for her would be muchly appreciated.

Meanwhile, I need a new job ASAP. If you know of any place hiring, keep me posted plzzzzz!

this used to be my playground

2008-11-28T23:51:00.003-05:00

Bittersweet.

That is the best word I can use to describe the feelings that go along with the concept of going home. Sometimes... I'll I want to do is drive home and take a break from the city scene. To just be in the hometown, soaking up the familiar faces and places that are close to my heart. The memories flood my thoughts - both good and bad of course - and yet, sometimes - going home is just that little bit of a refreshing break that we all need. Am I right? A great time to remember where we came from and reflect on where we are now. The big picture.

Being around my Mom recharges my battery's. She is a strong force that I am still learning from daily. Her faith is amazing and I am so blessed to have such a great Mother/parent/Christian/friend in my life.

So while I've made it clear my love of going home.. I never stay long enough to take that good feeling for granted. I stay for the right amount of time and then I leave with a smile as I travel back to my friends and family that I've made here. I'm ok with this. I think I'm lucky to have a great place to escape to while also having a rad place I can't wait to get back to. That sentence sounds better in my mind than in text but.. I think you know what I mean.

And just bc it's the title to my post...

This actually happened.

2008-11-28T01:24:00.001-05:00

In case you missed this magic.. here ya go.

Yeah, what!?

Enter @ Your Own Risk

2008-11-24T23:47:00.004-05:00

I had a few minutes to kill before dinner so this happened.
Yeah, I'm about to get thug gangsta on ya.

In Due Time

2008-11-24T00:35:00.003-05:00

"I'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid. Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics... live your life (oh!) ay ay ay.... "

So those lyrics from Live Your Life have nothing to do with anything.. other than the fact that this T.I. rap snack is currently stuck in my head.

Speaking of life.. wow. We should all really make a giant.. I mean GIANT point to at some point each day.. reflect on how awesome our blessings are. For serious. Dwell not on the obstacles or shackles that pull you down.. but learn to appreciate things. Even the simple.. often overlooked bits of goodness. Those things are special and so unique - take heart in the beauty that surrounds you and where you are in your life. Tru

Ex. When it is freeeeezing outside... be thankful that you have a home to go to. Seriously, if only everyone could be that lucky. It is my prayer and my hope for mankind to stop taking advantage of what we have.. you know.. the things that "own" us. The trivial things that we hardly ever thank God for unless otherwise provoked.

In other news.. I have this good feeling about life right now. I can't explain what that means.. I just feel that awesome things are around the corner. It's as if I have the "kid in a candy store" type of energy and I can't wait to see what comes next.

In case you missed it and you are dorky enough like me to sit through it.. here goes!

Dinner Table

2008-11-19T02:51:00.000-05:00

I would totally be ok with this if it happened at dinner.

What do you think?

2008-11-14T13:52:00.002-05:00

As an educated music video watcher.. I can not find one fragment of justification as to why anyone would think this *video below* was a good idea.

Who sat in a room thinking, "what about making fun of an old music video by doing a re-make in a worse fashion?"

C'mon. If you are going to be making fun of something... you can't take yourselves seriously. And this.. I'm afriad.. is serious.

I'm sure you've seen it but if you haven't... yiiiiike.

Depeche Mode = Saturday in style

2008-11-08T17:43:00.001-05:00

No words are needed, this magic speaks for itself.

Where's the beef?

2008-11-07T13:08:00.004-05:00

After a two minute bypass downstairs to say hello, I returned upstairs to my dinner. A 99cent jr. cheeseburger from Wendys. Well, much to my dismay.. I couldn't seem to find my dinner. I know what you are thinking and no, I'm not stupid enough to have eaten and then forgotten about it.

I looked everywhere for my dinner. It was straight-up-gone. I had a friend help me try to find it. Well, in the quietness of thought - I heard a crunching sound from behind the couch.

At that point, I knew the dumb dog must've taken my food. How she reached to get to my dinner I still have yet to figure out... but let the record show.. a hungry dog will do whatever it takes to eat. So my friend found the soggy cheeseburger wrapper under the couch (that mug hid the evidence!) and I then turned to the dog and... yes.. I briefly turned into the Hulk.

Her breath smelt of grease and pickles.. guilty.
I yelled at her and gave her a tap out of love for her slack behavior. She lowered her head in true guilt driven fashion and I locked her up in the crate for a while. I yelled at her but I did have some sympathy for her because... she doesn't understand.. she still needs training. You know. I was more or less mad bc I was now out of dinner.

That said.

I made her mommie bring me back a replacement meal =)

"Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety and I wouldn't be caught dead in this place"

I saw the Sign

2008-11-06T00:54:00.004-05:00

Do you ever feel like gas prices mock you?

It very well may be just me but it seems like every time I suck it up to go get gas... the very next day... the price in gas drops a few cents. Seriously? Where is the magical lowering gas fairy while I'm awaiting to fuel my tank?
What is up with that America? The economy is so tricky tricky right now that no matter how much I try, I can't seem to figure out how to win. aka "beat the system"

I broke down and filled up my thirsty jeep yesterday and guess what... the price was awesome and attractive to me at $2.19! *hooray* I mean, who wouldn't jump in on that action? Anyway, feeling like the super hero that I am... I drove off, blasting some off beat Indie music and singing at the top of my lungs until... I saw the sign.

Like a siren drawing me onto its bold numbered shore, I couldn't look away.
$1.98

Alright EcoFriendlyPump..... You Freaking Won this round.

petty or insecure, same thing.

2008-11-05T01:50:00.006-05:00

Regardless of intent: Petty is the word in question.

Im glad that I don't live in such an existence that I strive in being this way. It really must be difficult to go out of your way to act out episodes of immature behavior. I don't know, maybe that sounds mean of me but I have better things to donate my time to than letting other people make up my mind for me. If you don't stand for something... you'll fall for everything. Ex. petty behavior 101. Sad.

pet⋅ty –adjective, -ti⋅er, -ti⋅est.
1. of little or no importance or consequence: petty grievances.
2. of lesser or secondary importance, merit, etc.; minor: petty considerations.
3. having or showing narrow ideas, interests, etc.: petty minds.
4. mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things: a petty person.
5. showing or caused by meanness of spirit: a petty revenge.
6. of secondary rank, esp. in relation to others of the same class or kind: petty states; a petty tyrant.

the truth defines us

2008-11-03T23:20:00.004-05:00

Honestly,

"I think there are flaws in beauty and beauty in flaws"

Truth.

Pretty Much

2008-11-02T01:55:00.003-04:00

Today we "fall back" an hour.
This concept always reminds me of a grrreat episode of Pete and Pete. You know.. the one where they have one hour to redue any mistakes made.. etc. It's great. If you don't know what I'm talking about.. look it up or just hang your head in shame.

That said, this video has nothing to do with any of that.
*this isnt meant to offend anyone and if it does, you take yourself way too seriously*

Rewinding isn't an Option

2008-10-28T11:01:00.003-04:00

though sometimes, don't we all wish we could.

I was thinking.
What if I stopped time and flashed back to this exact moment in 2007.

Sometimes I'm hit with the bitterness of regret for how certain things went down last year. Yeah, to think that I am sometimes haunted by ghosts of last year is alarming. I can only hope that one day, I will be happy with the cliche of, "everything happens for a reason" - really?
Prove it.

To say I wish I could redue December of 07, doesn't mean I wish I could erase 2008. Most things that happened this year were awesome and held so much potential that I was falling hard into the thick of it. I do wish outcomes would've been different or that they at least might have the potential to change for a better December... but better is in the eye of the beholder.

I was pretty torn about how the year would end and right now, I'm back in the proper mindset of, I don't even care. Whatever will be, will be.

You know where to reach me, but will I be willing to reach back?

Touche.

awkward

2008-10-24T12:04:00.005-04:00

When is enough, finally enough?
All the hang-ups and
the heartbreaks get you past
All failures and
bad breaks
just accept yourself
Find something that brings you closer to complete

Right? So anyway, in a time of vast reflection, this came on the radio.
I miss when the Newsboys were cool.

Carryin' a millstone malaise
It's been pulling down your gaze
You pound the pavement
It don't give or care
This weight ain't yours to bear

Why you holdin' grudges in old jars?
Why you wanna show off all your scars?
What's it gonna take to lay a few burdens down?
It's a beautiful sound

When they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
And now you're free to fly

When that muffled sigh
Says you're barely getting by
Cut your burdens loose and just simplify
Simplify

This is not your floor
You're going higher than before
Drop the weight now
Wait for the lookout guide
Look outside

You're gonna lay that burden down
It's time to leave your burdens in a pyre
Set a bonfire

'Cause when you lay your burdens down
When you lay your burdens down
What a free-fall
What a thrill
Bury them all
In a landfill

I regret december 2007.

2008-10-12T20:40:00.001-04:00

The 8 Phases of Dating

9/2/08 brands me.

2008-10-08T18:35:00.003-04:00

I'm trying.

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain.
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means.

just for song value. -.-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttvl7kAPbSs&feature=related